Reviser’s Toolbox

Does the lead pull the reader into the writing?
If no, ask the writer questions about his/her essay. Turn one of the questions into a new lead.
There are also multiple ways to write a lead; try one of these:
  • Provide a where (Just below the surface of the water…)
  • Provide a when (Before she could shut the door…)
  • Provide an action (Seven third graders raced down the hallway…)
  • Introduce a character (The firefighters looked tired and frustrated…)
  • Make a simple but interesting comment (The kids should have listened…)
  • Start with conversation(“The wind seems strange today,” commented Jim…)

What is the thesis statement of the essay? Highlight it in yellow.
Ask Questions.
Ask the writer questions about his/her essay. There is only one rule: No yes/no questions allowed. The writer should select a few of the questions to answer in the essay.
Where can you insert a snapshot?
Find a specific place in your writing where the reader has trouble visualizing what’s happening. Paint a picture with words using sensory details: sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste.
Where can you insert a thoughtshot?
Look for three or four places where you would like to know what the characters were thinking. How did they react to what was happening? Use flashbacks, flash forwards, or inner debates / brain arguments (Should I? Shouldn’t I?)
Where can you Explode a Moment?
Don’t treat all moments in your story the same. Should buying a pop be as important as the motorcycle crash in your essay?Stretch the excitingseconds of your essay into what seems like hours, creating suspense for the reader to savor. Describe the actions that happened, and add detail using thoughtshots and snapshots. Tell the important parts in s l o w m o t i o n.
Where can you Make a Scene? You may want to use this in your lead.
Evaluate the draft for four main ingredients—action, dialogue, Snapshots, and Thoughtshots. Use one marker color for each main ingredient in narrative writing: blue for action, yellow for dialogue, red for Snapshots (here being used to include almost any physical description), and purple for Thoughtshots (or internal description).
Where could you Shrink Time?
Are there any places in the writing that are dull or don’t add to the story? Can you shrink those events into one or two summary sentences?
How are your transitional phrases from paragraph to paragraph?
Have you clearly linked each paragraph so that the ideas flow well and support your thesis statement?
What would the “doubting chorus” say about the writing?
Imagine that you are a group who doesn’t believe anything the writer has said. Make doubtful comments like, “I don’t think so,” “No way,” “That’s not true,” or “Prove it.” As the writer gives facts, examples and details, have someone in the group jot these down for the writer to add in to his/her essay.

Are your sentences short and choppy, or too long and gangly? Combine sentences to make your writing crisp and fluent.
Write down the first word of each sentence. Re-organize / rewrite sentences that start with a word you’ve used before. Every sentence should start with a different word.
Highlight all the “wow” words in your essay. No “wow” words? Add some!
Draw a squiggle line beneath each “is,” “are,” “was,” and “were.” Rewrite some or all of these sentences to include specific ACTION verbs.
Does the ending grow out of the piece or is it tacked on?
What is your favorite part? Why? Should you make it a more central part of your writing?
What is your least favorite part? Why? Can you omit that section or “shrink time” to minimize it?
What words, phrases, or ideas can be cut without hurting the writing? No wasted words! Every sentence should build upon / add to your thesis statement.