Although the job site discussed in this article is different from DHMC and/or patient care, the feelings are common and the solutions (modified for our setting) useful.
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Helpfulness Unappreciated!
Q. I have several co-workers that have taken my helpfulness as snooping, trying to be in control, and being bossy. I try to give hints about ways of doing our jobs to make our jobs easier. They view it as being a know it all, or that I am trying to be "in charge." But if I don't say anything or offer my help, they think that I am being snooty and am not part of the team. I can't win!
How much help is too much help? I am stressed out. It is no fun to go to work. I don't know when or when not to say anything any more. Now that we have a new co-worker, I feel that they have already told this new hire their thoughts about me before I even get a chance to show her that I am really a good person. It's my "fault by nature" that I try to "help" everyone out. Any suggestions?
Signed,
Damned Helpful
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Dear Damned Helpful:
You have gotten reactions to what you say is your helpfulness. It seems your work group does not work as a team. Do you meet regularly to ask: What are we doing well? What might we do to make each other's jobs more effective and easier? How well are we pleasing our internal and external customers? Who should do what? When? Where? How?
In short you work as individuals, and as a work group, it doesn’t sound like communicate about communicating! Doing that regularly and frequently can transform a work group into a work team. Skull sessions are necessary for sports teams, and should be the norm for work groups. Without them, individuals work solo, and sometimes duplicate, omit tasks, are uncertain about who does what, and/or are jealous and malicious.
You have gotten feedback that makes you feel what you do and don't do is not appreciated. Since you do not like being perceived as bossy, perhaps it is time for you to try something new. Can you and your co-workers come to an understanding about who does what, when, where and how? If you choose to clarify the situation, you may come across as bossy. However, it may not be so if you candidly request that this topic be put on the group’s agenda with the admission that you have gotten the message that your help is not always appreciated, and you feel the need to spell out who does what and to put in writing what is expected and appreciated. If you choose to “let go,” it might be seen as pouting withdrawal if you show a slighted and angry attitude. However, if you pleasantly tend to what you know is within your job description, and “let go” of what others are doing, it should not come across that way.
Whether it is a large corporation or a small office, work environments and roles are always in process. Organization is not an accomplished fact, so much as it is an on-going changing entity. Employees will have conflicts that can frustrate and escalate to incivility and dysfunction. Or if it is understood that conflict results from the inevitable uncertainties of people working out how best to accomplish tasks, conflict can motivate efforts to collaborate and to find reasonable and even creative solutions to making their jobs more effective and pleasant.
Hopefully, you and your co-workers can manage a resolution that will relieve the emotional distress you are feeling. We should not hate to come to work. Work, rather, should satisfy our deepest longings to make a difference in a world. Can you put way back in your mind the thought that it is not fun to go to work? Can you pretend for a week or more that you like your job and the people you work with? Can you resolve to give the “letting go” approach a try while you reflect on when and if you should push forwardwith the clarification path?
Try to see your situation from both your own perspective and the perspective of others. And remember that patterns of reacting take time and persistence to change.
SOURCE:
William Gorden, The Workplace Doctors
(May, 2007)