A NORMAL AND NATURAL
RESPONSE TO LOSS
Beginning in childhood, many people are taught to face life's crises with a "stiff upper lip" and to "bear up and be strong". Influenced by these messages they may become fearful that any show of emotion, particularly tears, might be interpreted by others as a sign of weakness – a sign that "He's falling apart", or "She's going to pieces".
One of the tragedies of our modern society is that many bereaved family members and friends experience their grief alone, feeling "There must be something wrong with me. Certainly no one I know of has ever felt or behaved in these strange ways". Fearful of embarrassment or of appearing "crazy" to others, many bereaved persons hide their true feelings of grief.
It is important for you to realize that what you are experiencing is a normal, natural and expected response to the loss of a significant person in your life. Your grief reaction may show itself in any one or more of the following ways, ways described by other bereaved persons.
I feel sick to my stomach all the time. I just can't eat.I have a lot of trouble getting to sleep and, after I finally do, I only sleep for a few hours before I'm up again.
I can't seem to get organized. I'm up and down a hundred times during the day, here and there, never accomplishing anything.
I keep thinking about how it all happened, over and over again in my mind. I guess I am trying to make some sense out of it all.
I think I'm losing my mind. I can't concentrate on anything. I can't even decide on what to wear today.
Yesterday I heard Katie call for me in the night and today I thought I saw her rocking in her favorite chair.
If only I had told Bob one more time how much I loved him.
He should have gone to the doctor months ago.
It's as if any time he'll call or come walking through the door. I keep thinking of things to tell him.
I thought this would bring the family closer together. Instead, we constantly bicker.
If my faith were stronger, I would be able to handle this.
If I really had believed, this wouldn't have happened.
COMFORTING THOUGHTS FOR THE BEREAVED
To Those I Love
Do not stand at my grave and forever weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and forever cry,
I am not there, I did not die.
From Hopi Indian tradition
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Footprints in the Sand
One night I had a dream. I dreamt I was walking along the beach with the Lord, when across the sky were strung scenes from my life. As I passed each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When we passed the last scene of my life, I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that many times along the path of my life, there was only one set of footprints. I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of my life.
I questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you would walk with me all the days of my life, but I noticed that during the most troublesome times there was only one set of footprints. I don't understand why, in times when I needed you most, you would leave me?"
The Lord replied, "My child, I would never leave you during your time of trial and suffering. When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."
Author unknown
Grief-Work Boundaries
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BrvMailings/Doc 4-2mo (3 pages)