Lesson 1
THE WOUNDING
Wounds and Bruises in a Fallen World
Satan is our enemy, and he is the one who bruises us. The purpose of his wounding is to bruise our soul so deeply that we are unable to enjoy life on earth, relationships with others, or our relationship with God Himself. During these first four sessions, we will learn how the enemy sets us up for a lifetime of pain by the early bruising he inflicts upon us as children.
The Wounding – Part 1
Problem 1: The Adamic Nature
Because we are born with an Adamic Nature,we have the potential to respond to that early bruising in a sinful way, thus locking us into the patterns that we experience throughout our adult life.
THE ADAMIC NATURE
Perceptions and Behaviors
God will withhold good from us.We have to watch out for ourselves.
Don’t trust God.
Change what God says.
Blame someone else.
Use someone else to hide behind.
Be afraid of God.
Hide from God’s presence.
Fear the woman’s rule (control) over the man.
Long for the man to run after (control) the woman.
Problem 2: The Lie
Satan could not get to Adam and Eve’s hearts until he convinced them to believe his lie. The lie he sold them was that God is trying to keep something good from you. Therefore, you can’t trust God, and you have to take care of yourselves. Once they believed the lie, they knew they were naked and they were afraid.
It is obvious that Satan’s tactics have not changed. One of the wounds that predisposes us to continual wounding is the lie Satan had been telling us all the days of our lives. The following are examples of the lie: you will never be loved; you will always be alone; you are unworthy; you are a failure; no one loves you; you are bad; you will never be anything; you are doomed to be an outcast; and you will not be accepted and loved for who you are. There are many ways the Satan lies to us, but usually there is one prevailing lie that is the foundation of the shame. The lie feeds the shame, and the shame feeds the lie.
Ask God to reveal the lies you have believed about yourself, others, and God. Ask the Lord to heal the wounds the lie has caused in your heart and to replace the lie with His healing Word.
Problem 3: Shame
Shame is the painful emotion that says, “I have done something wrong.” It also says, “I am something wrong.” Shame is closely related to guilt, but more often it is guilt over who I am rather than what I have done. Shame is that which brings reproach and degrades a person in the estimation of others.
Shame: reproach; dishonor; disgrace; ignominy; derision; contempt; a consciousness of guilt or of doing something derogatory to reputation.
One of the things we inherited from Adam is a sense of shame. Although he and Eve started out unashamed, it wasn’t long before the Evil One came along and sold Adam and Eve a lie. The lie cast doubt on God. As a result of their accepting the lie, their trust was fractured, becoming part of what would be passed to the generations following. Once they acted on the lie, their eyes were opened. They knew they were naked, and they were ashamed. Shame comes along with being part of the human race. It is the foundation upon which we build our lives.
Shame is very painful. It is the feeling of exposure and the feeling of being naked in front of someone that causes us to want to hide. Shame is another word we could use for the famous low self-esteem. In fact, shame is the root of low self-esteem. I am ashamed of whom I am, what I have done wrong, what I do not have and cannot do, and what I feel you must think of me. Low self-esteem (shame) prevents us from personal growth in our relationship with the Lord. We feel unworthy, unclean, bad, yucky, ugly, and unlovely. A whole multitude of other emotions tell us that we are too bad for God to love or associate with; therefore, we do not fully enter into the love relationship He desires with us. We hide from Him while we try to fix ourselves. We try to hide our imperfect being from God and others. Is it any wonder that we struggle when someone tries to tell us how loved and accepted we are by the Lord? Shame keeps us bound. Shame demands that we hide our entire self from God and others.
Just as Adam and Eve tried to fix their shame by making some kind of covering, we find many ways to try to cover our sense of shame. Some of the things we choose appear to be positive; others are obviously negative. But in reality, they are all ways for us to cover our sense of shame.
Some of the ways we use to stop the pain of shame are by working hard, being an overachiever, being religious, being over responsible, doing good works, trying to perform, turning to addictions, acting self-righteous, being critical of others, maintaining distant relationships, wearing masks, trying to be perfect, having pride, and bragging. All in all, we are trying to do something to help us feel better about ourselves, trying anything that will stop the pain. But most of the time we aren’t really aware of what is going on. We just go on through life with the pain of shame.
Let’s sum up what has been said. We are born with shame. Let’s call that the original shame of Adam and Eve. Next we have what we’ll call tag-along shame. This comes with the original shame and is the shame that our past generations accumulated through the way they lived their lives and through the things that happened to them.
Depending on the events of our lives, we begin to attract still more shame. If we were conceived out of wedlock, there is shame that came along with that circumstance. If we were not wanted or were given away at birth, there was a sense of shame. If we were not the sex that our parents were wanting, then we feel ashamed of whom we are and reject our gender. Each cause adds to our shame, our sense of being wrong at our core.
Words that our parents spoke over us especially when angry possibly added to the shame and confirmed that we were nothing or bad or unworthy of love. Having low grades in school, being inept at sports or other competitive things, lacking social skills, having difficulty forming relationships, or being rejected and hurt in the relationships we did form may have added to our basic sense of shame. Shame becomes our core. This becomes who we are and deeply affects everything in our lives.
Other words we use when we are speaking of shame could be shy, embarrassed, uncomfortable, bad, inadequate, timid, worthless, humiliated, insecure, unwanted, rejected, outcast, threatened, or intimidated. Many people are walking around filled with shame. It may cause them to feel bad about themselves; or in extreme cases, it may be strong enough to cause self-destructive behaviors. Shame is the pain that addicts are trying to cover up. Shame is low self-worth, low self-esteem, and low self-image. It hinders our relationship and our closeness with the Lord. Could it be that shame is the root of so many of our selfish ambition problems in the body of Christ? Is this what prevents us from doing what the Lord has called us to do? Is this the main dart the enemy uses to keep us captive and to manipulate us? If so, the Lord has exposed Satan’s hand. We have the tools through the power of Jesus and the Holy Spirit to pull down this stronghold.
Jesus said that He came to preach good news to the poor; to heal broken hearts; to release captives from captivity; to restore sight to the blind; to lift up the downfallen and to preach the acceptable year of the Lord. Think about that in the context of shame. Getting born again is the beginning, but there is still much work to be done to free the one held captive by shame.
The Wounding – Part 2
Problem 4: Generational Sins and Weaknesses
Another method that Satan uses to wound us is through generational sins or weaknesses. These are the family weaknesses, familiar spirits, word curses, and the iniquity of our forefathers, which have been passed to us. They are passed genetically in the same way blue eyes or curly hair may be passed to us.
Ask the Lord to show you which of these sins and weaknesses are prevalent in your family. You may want to use the following pages as a checklist so you can receive ministry in those areas.
These sins and weaknesses may manifest themselves in physical, occult, mental, sexual, emotional, relational, and financial problems.
Physical:
1
___Abnormal Blood
Pressure
____Abortion that Leads
to Infertility
____Alcoholism
____Allergies
____Alzheimer’s disease
____Amputation
____Anemia
____Asthma
____Back Problems
Occult:
____Eastern Religions
____Fortune Telling
____Idolatry
____Masonry
Mental Illness:
____BipolarDisorder
____Depression
____Fears / Phobias
____Insanity
Sexual:
____Adultery
____Bestiality
____Fornication
____Homosexuality
____ Blood clots
____Blood Disorders
____Cancer
____Deafness
____Diabetes
____DigestiveProblems
____Eating Disorders
____Epilepsy
____Eye Problems
____Heart Disease
____Hypoglycemia
____New Age
____Rebellion
____SatanicWorship
____Spiritism
____Manic Depressive
____Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
____Paranoia
____Immorality
____Incest
____Perversion
____Pornography
____Kidney Disease
____Leukemia
____Lung Problems
____Miscarriage
____Obesity
____OrganicBrain Syndrome
____Premenstrual Syndrome
____Scoliosis
____Stroke
____Tarot Cards
____Voo Doo
____Witchcraft
____Personality Disorder
____Schizophrenia
____Suicide
____Rape
____Sexual Abuse
____Sexual Dysfunction
____Uncleanness
1
Emotional/Relational:
1
____Abandonment
____Abortion
____Abuse
____Anger
____Barrenness
____Control
____ Criticism
Financial:
____ Bankruptcy
____Compulsive Spending
____Debt
____Dependence
____Divorce
____Dominant Woman
____ Isolation
____ Manipulation
____Panic Disorder
____ Pride
____Gambling
____Hoarding
____Lack
____Loss of Wealth
____Rage
____Rejection
____Shrieking
____Stoicism
____Violence
____Weak Man
____Over Spending
____Poverty
____Shop-a-holic
____Spend-a-holic
1
Problem 5: En Utero Wounds
It is even possible to experience wounding while in the womb:
Being conceived out of wedlock
One parent not wanting the child
Bad time in marriage for baby to come
Conceived during war time
Considered the “wrong” sex
Mother’s illness during pregnancy
Parents fighting
Abortion considered or miscarriage threatened
If the wounding took place in the womb, the child is born with a wounded spirit. Extreme cases of not wanting to be born can result in babies who will not nurse, snuggle, or receive affection. They may reject the parent who did not want them.
I am convinced that Satan makes some major attempts to wound every child before he is two years old. This is evidenced by the slaughter of innocents at the times of the births of Moses and Jesus, and now, through the prevalence and ease of abortion.
Can you remember hearing your parents talk about anything traumatic happening to you before you were two years old?
______
______
______
Problem 6: Lack of Touch
Children were created by God to need the love, affection, guidance, and discipline of two biological parents. When both parents are not aware of their child’s primary needs or are not able to meet those needs, the child is bruised. In troubled, alcoholic, dysfunctional, or neurotic families, the child does not have the attention of both his parents. Thus, a bruise is formed in the soul of the little one. Parents form the foundation that life is built upon. I am convinced that children are most frequently bruised by the ignorance and the selfish ambition of their parents.
1
Sources of Wounding
Environment
Culture
The child’s perception
about what happened
Abuse
Verbal
Physical
Sexual
Outright rejection
1
Which is affecting your life?
The lie
______
______
Shame
______
______
Adamic nature
______
______
Generational sin
______
______
En utero wounding
______
______
Lack of touch
______
______
Lesson 2
HOW OUR EARTHLY
FATHERS CAN
WOUND US
The Bible has little to say about mothering, but a great deal to say about fathering. The place of our biological fathers is very important in several areas of our lives.
In our western culture, fathering is a lost art. We have confined it to bringing in the money while leaving the childrearing to the women. In so doing, we have lost God’s plan for the father. Fathers are to do much nurturing, training, guiding, and disciplining after the children are weaned.
Earthly Father—Heavenly Father
Our earthly father gives us our first picture of God. Many of us are still relating to God through the cloud of hurts and emotions traceable to our dads.
1. As a child, my father made me feel…
______
______
2. With God, I often feel…
______
______
Absent fathers may cause us to expect that God will not be there for us. We relate to God in insecurity.
Workaholic fathers leave us feeling that God is too busy for us or that we are not important.
Fathers who leave in divorce teach us that God will abandon us.
Abusive fathers leave us afraid of God or angry with God.
Emotionally unavailable fathers leave us feeling we cannot lean on God, and we can’t trust Him.
Performance-oriented fathersleave us feeling we cannot please God, that we must earn His love and attention.
Loving fathers teach us that God loves and can be trusted.
Patient fathers teach us that God is patient.
Much of What We Feel Is Subconscious
Our human spirit was created by God to drink life from the male parent’s spirit through touch, words, and discipline. Even though we may have no conscious awareness of the loss we feel because of father’s failure to be present, it has tremendous effect on us.
Jesus told us that any branch that does not abide in the vine withers. Likewise, the human spirit, when unable to abide in the earthly biological father, withers.
We have a national crisis in masculinity because the male role model was absent in so many homes during crucial times of development in children’s lives during the first and second world wars and the Korean and Vietnam conflicts. The aftermath of these wars caused the male parent to be absent in hundreds of thousands of homes.
These children may have understood why father was absent, but their spirit continued to search for father’s arms, heart, and voice. Understanding why they were not present does not meet the need in a child’s spirit.
The generations that experienced the loss of father produce men and women who do not know the place of the man, how men and women interact, or how to nurture as a father. Much damage is done to the masculinity of a little boy and the femininity of a little girl.
Many people have buried any feelings of loss they have about their father, but this doesn’t undo the damage. The truth is, the wound is simply out of sight, festering and leaking out in our lives in other areas. Many of us feel a kind of unnamed emptiness, longing, or grief; and we don’t know why it’s there. But in reality, it is connected to the loss we have experienced with our fathers.
Jeremiah 6:14 says: “You cannot heal a wound by saying that it is not there.” (TLB)
Curse upon the Earth
The place of the father is so important that Malachi spoke of a curse that would come on the earth if the hearts of the fathers were not reaching the hearts of the children.
In the New Testament, two more things are mentioned:
Disobedient, rebellious children lack wisdom because
they do not have a father.
People who are not loved with a father’s love are not
prepared for the love of God.
They do not know how to accept His grace, mercy, and love. They do not feel comfortable or secure. Others may struggle with knowing whether or not they are saved.
Jesus, in Matthew 5:8, said the pure in heart shall see God. If our hearts are turned towards the hearts of our fathers and their hearts are turned towards us, we will not bear the brokenness of heart that prevents us from having a clear and accurate picture of God.
Hearts Not Turned Toward Children
In the last days, the Bible prophesies:
“Men will become lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, unforgiving,
slanders, without self control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong,
haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.”
II Timothy 3:1-4
The phrase without natural affection means that the hearts of the fathers will be turned away from their children. They will not have natural affection for their own children. This is the curse Malachi warned us about. Twenty-four hundred years later, it is clear that we are reaping this word in America today. The lack of fathers who are spiritually, emotionally, and physically whole brings a curse on society.
Many men today are unable to commit for life. They are unable to love their children and protect their family. Men do not know how to call the spirits of the children forth to find identity outside of their mothers. Millions of women are trying to raise children without fathers. As the divorce rate grows, we leave even more children without fathers. Children will reap the grim results.
A father’s insecurity with his children, his fear of his children’s emotional needs, his uncertainty about what to do―all of these things prevent intimacy with his family.
Young children need to lay their heads on their daddy’s chest to drink from his spirit. The children need to hear words expressing love, acceptance, and blessing that strengthen their spirit. Correct training and proper discipline from the fathers will train children so they are able to grow up strong.