Coping with Cancer Through Literature

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COPING WITH CANCER

Coping with Cancer through Literature

Tara Barnes

Appalachian State University

Abstract

This paper is a personal literacy narrative of the writings and experiences that influenced me to choose Biology as my major at Appalachian State University. I chose Biology as my major to aid me in my goal of becoming a doctor. This decision was largely influenced by my mother’s battle with cancer and my passion for The Sciences. This paper utilizes several websites as sources to further support my decision to become a doctor.

Coping with Cancer through Literature

I was nine-years-old when I first decided that I wanted to be a doctor. The plan occurred to me as I sat with my family in the waiting room of Lexington Medical Center, a hospital in Columbia, South Carolina, where I lived at the time. For the two years that my mother battled cancer, I spent many days in that waiting room. I occupied the time by carefully observing my surroundings while at the hospital with my mom—the ambitious steps of the nurses, the equipment in her room, the careful words of each specialist that visited, the medicine being pumped into her body, the quiet chaos. Through all of this observation and curiosity, I developed a love for learning, mostly through reading and writing. At the hospital, I read all kinds of things that fueled my interest in medicine and the human body, such as medical equipment instructions, warnings and information about different medicines, and brochures provided by the hospital for grieving families. I used writing, however, as a tool to escape. I coped with the whole experience by writing journals to my mother, to God, and to myself. All of this prompted me to research, to learn more about what cancer was actually doing to my mom’s body. When I grasped that she was dying, I decided that I wanted to be a doctor to help people like my mom. I wanted to help those who are battling cancer while raising families and trying to maintain a career. Even at nine-years-old, I knew that I had a challenging journey ahead of me. Through reading and writing about my experiences with my mother’s cancer diagnosis, I decided to major in Biology to prepare myself for medical school in hopes that I will one day become a doctor.

Reading About Cancer

The Mayo Clinic (2015) describes cancer as the second-leading cause of death in the United States. My mom was diagnosed with stage 3 large cell lung cancer in April, 2004 when I was seven-years-old. I was in my mom’s hospital room after the diagnosis had been made when a nurse entered the space and said to my mother, “Start keeping a journal.” Being so young, I wasn’t sure what the nurse meant by her remark, nor was I completely comprehensive of the details of the disease. At this point, my mother didn’t look sick. At this point, she still exhibited the unyielding vitality for which she was known. She still maintained her stubborn nature. Yet everyone kept telling me that she was sick, and she would only get sicker. Being the curious child I was, this prompted me to research the disease. I utilized every resource I could get my hands on. I read websites on the internet, both factual and opinion-based, about what cancer was, how it affects the body, and ways to cope with the disease, even if I didn’t completely understand what I was reading. I visited the public library to check out books about the disease, some of them written specifically for children. I leaned on people at my church who could attempt to verbally explain to me what was happening and why it was happening. I even interviewed nearly everyone I knew, including my family members, peers, and teachers, to gather their perspectives and experiences with cancer. At such a young age, I concluded that my mom was indeed very sick and had a treacherous path ahead of her.

Through all of my research, I learned of an older girl at my church who was around my age at the time when her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Her name was Amanda, and she helped me in ways that nobody else could. Amanda understood my situation, as her own mom was in remission after having a double mastectomy to remove the cancer in her breasts just a few years before. Having experienced the devastation cancer can inflict on a family, Amanda compiled her words of wisdom into a comprehensive personal narrative titled, “Amanda and the Big C.” Amanda turned her story into a children’s book to help kids who were affected by cancer in some form.

The story featured the main character, a young girl named Amanda, and her mother, who was battling cancer. In simple terms, Amanda explained all of the basics surrounding a cancer diagnosis, including the side effects of chemotherapy, radiation treatments, and the emotions that follow. When she learned about my mother’s diagnosis, Amanda sought me out to give me a copy of her book and offer her support. With a genuine smile and a warm hug, she assured me that I was not alone. I can distinctly remember this experience as the first time I fell in love with a piece of writing. At this point, I had been in denial about my mother’s condition. “Amanda and the Big C” opened my eyes to the painful truth and helped elicit the necessary emotional response I needed in order to move on. For months, I read Amanda’s book over and over again, trying to make sense of what was happening to my family and reminding myself that we were not alone, that other people identified with our tribulations. When I felt as though the world was spinning while I was trapped in the middle, I fervently turned to Amanda’s book. This was the first of many pieces of writing that would help me cope with the death of my mother and eventually lead me to the decision to pursue a career in the medical field.

During my adolescent years, reading was one of the few activities where I could find both insight and joy. The absence of a motherly figure in my life along with the financial burdens my family faced due to her medical bills contributed to a lackluster social life during my teenage years; however, I did not mind entertaining myself. I found solace in fiction novels at the local public library on Friday nights. From The Twilight Saga to To Kill a Mockingbird, I was not discriminatory towards the fabricated worlds in which I would lose myself for a few hours. In particular, I found comfort in Jodi Picoult’s heart-wrenching novel, My Sister’s Keeper.

Jodi Picoult’s novel, My Sisters Keeper tells the story of Anna, who seeks “medical emancipation” from her parents so that they cannot force her to continue donating bone marrow to her sister Kate, who is dying of leukemia. As a realistic fiction novel, My Sister’s Keeper accurately depicts the trials and tribulations faced by a family affected by cancer. At age five, Jodi Picoult’s own son was inflicted with a tumor in his ear that could have left him profoundly deaf for the remainder of his life if not for a sequence of many successful surgeries (“My Sister’s Keeper,” n.d.). With this being said, I identified with My Sister’s Keeper in more ways than one. A common theme in Picoult’s novels is the incorporation of controversial topics from current events. In My Sister’s Keeper, Anna is born as the result of genetic engineering, so that she can be a perfect donor for Kate. Genetically engineering “designer babies” for sick siblings is a controversial topic in today’s society as the scientific community’s knowledge of human genetics continues to advance. My Sister’s Keeper not only illustrates the financial and emotional hardships faced by families stricken by cancer, but also the ethical issues presented by treatments associated with the disease. I found My Sister’s Keeper strikingly relatable, as the characters served as an outlet for my suppressed emotions concerning my mother’s passing, and the relation to scientific issues and techniques further fueled my interest in medical practices.

Writing About Cancer

Being a teenage girl without a mother proved difficult as I began to maneuver the ins-and-outs of middle and high school. Although I maintained good academic standing at school, I had started to act out at home. My thoughts and emotions were ridden with anxiety and depression, a common occurrence for anyone who has experienced a loss. Almost like a rite of passage for kids with dead parents, I was enrolled in a therapy program. Reluctant to open up about my inner thoughts and feelings, I entered the program expecting to gain nothing from the experience. As I walked into the therapist’s office for my first appointment, trying so hard to hide the anxiety-induced tremor in which my hands shook, Alison greeted me with a warm smile and a friendly “hello.” Alison was my therapist. Convinced that I did not belong in therapy, I sat in silence as Alison attempted to communicate with me. After 45 minutes of one-ended conversation, Alison halted her attempts to break my silence, and gave me a homework assignment instead: start keeping a journal. My mind immediately went back to that hospital, to my mother’s room, to the ornery nurse and her unwarranted advice. Unlike my mom, however, I took the advice.

The first time my pen hit the smooth, white pages of my brand new journal, I felt instant relief, a relief I had never felt before. Thanks to Alison, I had found the outlet I didn’t know I was looking for. I wrote my first journal entry to my mom. I told her that I wanted to be a doctor, since I did not get to tell her before she passed. I told her about how I was doing in school, the sports I was playing, and the books I was reading. It was as if she was sitting right in front of me. For a while, writing was the only way I could effectively communicate my innermost thoughts and feelings. I utilized journaling when communicating with my father and brother, as it gave us all the ability to write down the things we simply could not say. Writing not only gave me an outlet to express my stifled emotion, but, with time, it gave me the courage to verbally communicate my emotions as well. This exposure to journaling at a young age directly strengthened my confidence as both a writer and a communicator, skills that I will continue to employ throughout college and medical school.

Conclusion

Ten years have come to pass since that fateful day in a hospital waiting room when I made the far-fetched decision to pursue medicine as a career. I would not have set such high standards for myself from the beginning without the influence of many works of literature. Reading and writing has molded me into the ambitious person I am today, both academically and emotionally. I first realized my passion for science and medicine when my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. Even at a young age, I was fascinated by the way a few abnormal microscopic cells could have such a detrimental effect on the human body. I utilized many works of literature to simultaneously learn more about cancer and cope with the loss of my mom. Literature such as, “Amanda and the Big C,” and My Sister’s Keeper allowed me to make connections with others who identified with my situation, helping me accept my mom’s passing and realize that my true calling is to help the millions of people affected by cancer. My experiences in therapy shed light on the fact that writing is vital to the development of healthy individuals. Journaling allowed me to establish skills as an effective communicator in every aspect of my life. Writing can be used as a remarkable outlet for many emotions, including depression, happiness, and anger. If it were not for the writing skills I developed while journaling as a young individual, I would not be as close to fulfilling my dreams as I am today. Literature largely facilitated my ability to cope with my mother’s loss to cancer. The works of reading and writing I have come across in relation to my mother’s cancer have allowed me to realize my passion for Biology and helping others, leading me to the decision to pursue medicine as a career path.

References

The Mayo Clinic. (2015). “Cancer.” Retrieved 12 September 2016 from http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/cancer/basics/definition/con-20032378

Picoult, J. (n.d.). “My Sister's Keeper.” Retrieved 20 September 2016 from http://jodipicoult.com/my-sisters-keeper.html