Divorce may be inevitable, but the way you divorce isn't.
Going through a divorce doesn't automatically mean having to endure the turmoil that is often associated with it. You now have another choice. Collaborative Law was developed as an alternative to “divorce as usual” and offers couples a humane and solutions-based approach to ending a marriage or other intimate relationship. Collaborative Law differs from conventional divorce in three important ways:
•The couple and their lawyers pledge in writing not to go to court.
•Face-to-face and prepared for discussions lead to agreements.
•A respectful, problem-solving approach, often with the assistance of trained financial experts, child specialists and divorce facilitators, replaces the adversarial aspects of conventional divorce.
What is Collaborative Law?
Collaborative Law is a way for a divorcing couple to work as a team with trained professionals to resolve their disputes respectfully, without going to court. The term encompasses all of the models that have been developed since Minnesota lawyer Stu Webb created the Collaborative Law model in 1990. Each client has the support, protection and guidance of his or her own specially trained lawyer.
While Collaborative lawyers are always part of a Collaboration, we can provide child specialists, financial specialists, mediators and/or divorce coaches as part of the clients' divorce team. The clients have the option of starting their divorce with the professional with whom they feel most comfortable. Then other professionals are chosen as needed to assist them.
Collaborative Law is distinguished from traditional litigation by its core required elements. These elements are set out in a Participation Agreement that the clients and the professionals sign at the start of the process committing to:
•negotiate a mutually acceptable settlement without using court to decide any issues;
•have professionals withdraw from representation if either client goes to court;
•engage in open communication and information sharing; and
•create shared solutions that take into account the highest priorities of both clients for themselves and for their family.
Is Collaborative Law right for you?
Divorce is a highly personal matter, and no one approach is right for everyone. Many couples, however, have found that Collaborative Law is a welcome alternative to the potentially destructive aspects of conventional divorce. To determine if Collaborative Law is right for you, ask yourself if these values are important to you:
•Maintaining an atmosphere of respect, even in the presence of disagreements.
•When the parties have children, prioritizing the children’s needs.
•Listening objectively to your spouse's needs, fully expecting that your own needs will be given equal consideration.
•Working creatively and cooperatively to solve issues.
•Seeing beyond the frustration and pain of the present moment to plan for the future.
•Behaving in an ethical manner toward your spouse.
•Keeping control of the divorce process with you and your spouse, and not relegating it to the court system.
If you can affirm these basic principles, it is likely that Collaborative Law would be a viable option for you.
The advantages of using Collaborative Law
Designed as an alternative to conventional divorce, Collaborative Law offers many distinct advantages:
•You keep control of the process yourselves, without going to court.
•Children's needs are given priority.
•You and your spouse commit to reaching agreement through a problem-solving approach.
•An atmosphere of respect preserves self esteem.
•Open communication allows both of you to express your needs for moving forward and gives you new tools for effective problem-solving in the future.
•There is full disclosure of facts and information.
•Face-to-face meetings in the presence of lawyers make negotiations direct and efficient and allow for mutually created resolutions.
•The Collaborative process helps both of you plan for your own future and that of your children, and to begin new lives for all of you.
The Collaborative Law Philosophy
Something everyone should agree on: respect.
It is simple fact that about half of all marriages end in divorce, and countless non-marital relationships end, too. However, the emotional devastation that often accompanies the loss of an intimate relationship doesn't have to be a fact as well. That is the thinking behind Collaborative Law.
Long-sought by divorcing individuals and other concerned professionals who assist them, Collaborative Law is the alternative to “divorce as usual”. It is designed to minimize the hurt, anger and alienation that occur too frequently with divorce.
The Collaborative philosophy is built on a belief in human dignity and respect. Individuals may cease being partners, but they don't cease being worthy human beings. Every part of Collaborative Law—from open communications to solutions-based negotiation to out-of-court settlement—is intended to foster respect. When respect is given and received, self-esteem is likely to be preserved, making discussions more productive and an agreement more easily reached.
The end of a marriage or relationship is difficult enough. Collaborative Professionals believe that the process of divorcing shouldn't add to the pain, but rather should help the spouses and children foresee a hopeful future.
How Collaborative Law works
Once you have chosen Collaborative Law, you may take advantage of the option to put together a team to work with you as you make your way through this life transition. While you will always need to select Collaborative lawyers to assist you throughout the process, you may also choose to start the process with a Collaborative divorce coach, mediator/facilitator or financial expert. Wherever you begin the process, you will have a chance to meet privately and together with your professionals. Collaborative Law is unique in that it calls for both of you, and your lawyers, to come together for face-to-face discussions and negotiations. In an atmosphere of openness and honesty, all assets are disclosed, needs are communicated, and solutions are explored. When there are children, their interests are given foremost priority.
The end result of Collaborative Law is a divorce agreement that has been achieved through mutual problem solving. You, along with your lawyers and other chosen Collaborative Professionals, take control of shaping the final agreement, rather than having a settlement imposed on you by the court.
How to choose a Collaborative Lawyer
Each client is free to choose his or her own lawyer. Lawyers who are qualified members of Collaborative Law groups have committed to ongoing training and standards. These professionals are the most likely to follow a model for collaborative representation and to have made the effort to become trained as effective collaborative lawyers.
Research has shown that one of the best predictors of a good divorce process and outcome is the selection by divorcing spouses of two lawyers who respect one another and have a good track record of settling cases together. Anyone selecting collaborative counsel should investigate and choose carefully. Find out:
•Whether the lawyer specializes in family law, and how long he or she has practiced.
•What training the lawyer has received in Collaborative Law and in mediation.
•How long the lawyer has been practicing Collaborative Law.
•Whether the lawyer has done a substantial number of collaborative cases.
•Whether the lawyer has done any writing on the subject of Collaborative Law.
•Whether the lawyer has worked collaboratively with your spouse's lawyer before, and if so, how successfully.
You and your spouse/partner have wide choices available to you for representation. I am willing to work collaboratively with any lawyer your partner or spouse selects who has sufficient training, experience, and commitment to be able to do this challenging mode of dispute resolution skillfully. However, more than a decade of experience tells us that we can do our best work as collaborative lawyers when both parties choose collaborative lawyers who trust one another and have a track record of working together effectively to help clients reach creative, respectful solutions. Interview several collaborative lawyers and choose the one you have the most confidence in. Seek out the best for you.
Choosing other Collaborative Professionals
You may have found Collaborative Law by first interviewing a mental health professional, mediator or financial professional, in which case the formation of your team has already started. If you are putting together your team with your lawyers’ help, much of what is said above about collaborative lawyers is also true of the other members of your team. While your lawyers are likely to guide you in this direction anyway, be sure that your team members are qualified members of a collaborative law practice group, and that each of them is experienced, trained, and committed to the process.
There are many capable collaborative professionals in the Rochester Area. You can find more information about each on our local and international websites: and
Excerpted/adapted from Jennifer Jackson, San Francisco collaborative lawyer