Life with Preschooler: Parenting from 3 to 5 Years

(Excerpts from the Parenting Counts Life with Preschooler booklet,

a product of Talaris Institute)

It’s a fact! Learning how to be polite, follow directions, wait your turn, and get along with others is just as important as learning your ABCs!

So help your child get ready for school by teaching her the social skills needed in a classroom. When a child learns these skills and behaviors, she will be able to participate in a classroom full of kids, and be able to learn all the interesting things in kindergarten, including her ABCs. If she communicates politely and respects the feelings of others, she will be able to make friends and build relationships with adults.

Tips… You are your preschooler’s most important teacher!

  1. Words, Words, and More Words – Talk about his favorite toys, read the street signs, and describe the shapes in the clouds. Point out things you see when you’re out on a walk, like the big trucks working beside the road. And if you know another language, use it too. The more words you share, the more words he will learn.
  2. Talk About Your Child’s Day – Ask her questions like, "What did you do that was fun today?” or “What story did you read?” Be sure to share your day too!
  3. Share Stories and Songs – Even if it seems silly, try to enter your preschooler’s fantasy play. Become a talking car or doll, and have fun! Pretend to be someone or something else, and use this chance to bring in new words. As you play, don’t be afraid to sing songs and make funny rhymes!
  4. Read Together Every Day – Cuddling together over a book builds a bond and helps your preschooler learn more about how books work. Let her turn the pages herself, and ask her questions like, “Why do you think the boy felt sad?” Let her make predictions about the story, “What do you think will happen next?” Use books as part of routines at bedtime or other times during the day.
  5. Support Your Child’s Curiosity – Talk about the trees or cars, read signs at the supermarket, and describe what you’re doing. Talk about everything in your preschooler’s world and be sure to ask questions. The more conversation, the better.

It’s a fact! It’s better to say goodbye than “sneak out” when you are leaving your child at childcare or preschool.

She may not want you to leave. So give your child hugs. Tell her when you will return. And tell her you understand that she is sad that you have to leave for work. When you acknowledge her feelings, you are telling her that her feelings count. Sometimes it helps to talk about what you are going to do when you pick her up or suggest that she do a special project that you can see when you get back.

Tips… Your bond gives her confidence!

  1. Read Your Child’s Cues – Even if he seems okay on his own, keep an eye on his body language and expressions. Listen to his tone of voice. Check in occasionally and see if he needs you to be a little closer!
  1. Support Independence – Encourage your child to try new things without your help. Let her know that she can do it! Some preschoolers need a little extra encouragement and support to try new things. So, be ready to help until she is comfortable enough to do them on her own.
  1. Be There with Open Arms – your preschooler might go off and explore one minute, and come back to you the next. This is normal. Sometimes he’ll say, “Watch this, Mommy?” to share his excitement. If there are new kids at the playground, he might need a little help joining in the fun with the new kids.

It’s a fact! Your child won’t hate you if you say NO. Kids need and want limits and they need to be taught appropriate behavior.

So don’t be afraid to set limits. For instance, if your child is hitting or biting, tell her it is not okay to hurt someone. Help her find better ways to deal with her anger. You are your child’s most important guide to handling feelings and acting appropriately.

Kids Respond to Emotion Coaching

  1. Stay close, stay calm, and get down to their level. Some children may want to be hugged and others may accept a tender touch on their back or arm.
  2. Speak softly and let them know you care. “It’s okay to have big feelings. I’m right here.”
  3. Remember an upset brain doesn’t listen very well. So be patient. It might take a few minutes for your child to calm down.
  4. Once your child is starting to calm down, try to figure out what created this emotion. Start a little dialog. “Are you excited about the party?” or “Did you get scared on the swing?” You might get some nods if you are on the right track. Even if you don’t get a response, just reassure her that it’s okay to feel like this.
  5. Using the names of emotions like mad, sad, frustrated, excited, and scared helps to build a child’s vocabulary for next time. Say “Are you frustrated?” or “Did that make you sad?”
  6. Once a child is calm, ask him what would be the best way to handle his feelings. If you help him come up with a solution, you’re teaching problem solving skills that will help him deal with his feelings next time.

For more information about parenting resources from Talaris, including an option of signing up for email parenting tips and options to purchase the DVD and other resources, look at their websites: ; and (with excellent brief “spotlights” on parenting topics).