Merge Agenda

Communication & Conflict

Tonight’s schedule:

  • 5:30-6:20Leader’s Dinner/Meeting/Prayer Time
  • 6:20-6:32Break, clean up tables,and greet couples
  • 6:32-6:40Scott - Opening Announcements
  • 6:40-7:10Teaching – Lance & Mandy
  • 7:10-7:35Table time
  • 7:35-8:05Teaching – Lance & Mandy
  • 8:05-8:25Table time
  • 8:25-8:30Closing Announcements – Scott

Leader Meeting Notes:

  • Housekeeping
  • Divorce/remarriage Q&A – TBD after class
  • Blended family panel/Q&A– September 24, 2014, 6:30-8:30
  • Leader Nametags – make sure we get them back at the end of the night
  • If you’re going to be late to leader’s meeting, please let me or your coach know
  • Orange info card for couples who missed night one
  • Table social event – keep receipts, reimbursed up to $50
  • Purity Pledge
  • What to do if they don’t turn in?
  • What does Bible say about purity?
  • Pray for re|engage
  • Main goals for tonight:
  • Continue to get to know your couples
  • Couples will realize the importance of biblical communication and conflict
  • Couples will understand that the goal of communication is mutual understanding
  • Couples will be able to identify their negative communication patterns
  • Couples will be able to demonstrate active listening (speaker-listener technique)
  • Couples will understand the importance of forgiveness – forgiveness problem = gospel problem….
  • Please clean up your table – both after leader dinner and at the end of class.
  • Next week: Roles in Marriage, Kyle & Lucina Thompson; class runs late – until 8:45

Key Scriptures:

James 1.19

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every personbe quick to hear,slow to speak,slow to anger;

Proverbs 18.2

A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.

James 4.1-3

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, thatyour passions are at war within

you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You

do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on

your passions.

Ephesians 4.25-32

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Matthew 18.15-17

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

Discussion Questions:

Pre-Class Questions:

  • What most encouraged or challenged you from session 1 of Merge?
  • What are you most excited about in your relationship with your significant other? Did you discuss any concerns you have? (from homework)
  • As we get ready to discuss communication and conflict, on a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your communication with your significant other? Why?

Break One:

  • Why do you think communication and conflict are a struggle for couples?
  • With which of the four negative communication patterns do you most closely identify?
  • What’s the difference between saying, “I’m sorry”, and “I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?”?
  • How well do you and your significant other handle situations where one of you needs to ask for forgiveness? What needs to change?
  • How does your family of origin communicate and deal with conflict? How does it differ from your significant other’s family?

Break Two:

  • How does selfishness affect your communication with your significant other?
  • Practice the Speaker-Listener technique. Start off by sharing one positive trait about your significant other.
  • What are some topics/issues that typically lead to tough conversations (i.e. in-laws, money, college football, church)?
  • Generally, do you view interpersonal conflict as something positive or negative? Why?
  • What is one thing you learned tonight that you and your significant other need to apply? What changes do you need to make with regard to how you communicate and conflict?