Sexual Violence Prevention:

Recommended Concepts for Children

The following list of recommended concepts has been prepared to help teachers select or develop effective, age-appropriate, personal safety curricula and integrate those messages throughout their interactions with students. Also included are some brief insights into the philosophy of the concepts and tips for their facilitation. The following notes are more broadly applicable for the effective handling of all of the topics.

In order for prevention education programs to be effective, research indicates that students must be exposed to these messages on an ongoing basis, and that those messages must be consistently reinforced through the actions of school personnel and in the development and application of school policies.

It is important to ensure that children do not feel personally threatened during the formal lessons or teachable moments. In order to create a safe environment, children should never be asked to disclose personal information in front of the class. Students who wish to relate personal experiences should be encouraged not to use names or use the format of “I know someone who…”

If a child does begin to share highly personal information infront of the class, it is appropriate for the teacher to redirect the conversation and then talk to the child privately after class. This protects the child’s privacy and can shield him or her from potential embarrassment or ridicule from classmates.

Be prepared for disclosures. A goal of all personal safety lessons, regardless of the specific topic, is encouraging children to get help from trusted adults if they need it. You may very well be that trusted adult.

Schools can be rebuilt into safe havens for students and their families, and also become centers of prevention, healthy human development, and hope within their communities.

These goals are not in addition to a school’s mission to teach and cultivate our nation’s young people; as a center for learning within the community, these goals lie at the heart of that mission.”

~Dr. Ernest Boyer, President of the Carnegie

Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching

(excerpt from Cornerstones for a New Century)

Personal Safety (k-5)

Based on the Protective Behaviors philosophy developed by Peg Flandreau West, these basic concepts are applicable in a wide variety of situations. The goal is to empower individuals with critical thinking and coping skills that can help them safely navigate a variety of difficult, scary, or potentially unsafe situations. Because these personal safety concepts/skills dovetail with and reinforce other safety programs, from internet safety to fire safety to child sexual abuse, they can be incorporated into and used as a foundation for almost any other safety curriculum.

“You have the right to feel safe and others have the right to feel safe with you.”

  • Help children identify what ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’ feel like physically and emotionally (butterflies in stomach, shaky, weak-knees, etc…).
  • Help children distinguish risking-on-purpose (roller coaster, trying out for school play…) from truly unsafe or scary situations.

“There is nothing so bad that you can’t talk to someone about it.”

  • Help children identify at least five adults with whom they feel they could talk if they felt unsafe. A minimum of four of the people on the list should be outside of the child’s immediate household.

“Keep telling until someone is able to help you.”

  • Help children develop persistence so that if an adult cannot or does not help the child solve the problem, he or she will continue telling until someone does help.

“What could someone do to stay safe even if…?”

  • Present a wide variety of scenarios and encourage brainstorming of possible solutions. (ex: what could someone do to stay safe even if s/he lost her/his house-key and no one was home to let her/him in; s/he wanted to go over to a friend’s house to play; a neighbor asked him/her for help looking for a lost puppy; s/he was told by an adult to keep a secret that made him/her uncomfortable; a friend s/he met on the internet wanted to meet her/him in person, etc…)
  • Help children evaluate the list of possible solutions and eliminate any unsafe or unrealistic suggestions.

A Note about semantics:

Presenting “what if” scenarios in the format of “what could someone do” rather than “what could you do…?” helps maintain a safe environment that is not personally threatening to students.

Child Sexual Abuse (k-5)

As with the personal safety concepts, the goal of teaching children about sexual abuse is not to scare them or to make them afraid of their bodies or of touch, but to empower them to seek help if they ever need it. Teachers should be prepared to handle potential disclosures before discussing these concepts with students.

“Some types of touches feel good both physically and emotionally and everyone needs those kinds of touches.”

  • Brainstorm a variety of examples.

“Other touches may feel unpleasant, confusing, scary, or even painful.”

  • Brainstorm a variety of examples.
  • Point out that some touches could be on both lists depending on the situation or the person involved, for example a good-night kiss from Dad could be nice but a sloppy kiss from great aunt Mildred could be gross.

“Your body is your own—you have the right to say ‘no’ to touches that you don’t want” (e.g., that kiss from great aunt Mildred, a hug you don’t want…)

“Some parts of the body are considered private and special.”

  • Identify the private, special parts (some curricula define these as ‘parts covered by your bathing suit’ although children can benefit from learning the names of these body parts).

“Sometimes it’s necessary and o.k. for others to look at or touch a child’s private body parts.”

  • Identify times when it might be o.k. for someone else to look at or touch a child’s private body parts (cleaning, health care).

“Sometimes it’s not o.k. for another person to look at or touch a child’s private body parts.”

  • Identify how a child might know that a touch or look was not o.k. (secrecy, feels scary or confusing).
  • A person might not always touch the child, but might show the child pictures of private body parts or ask the child to touch or look at his/her (or someone else’s) private body parts.

“It is never the child’s fault if someone does this to him or her:

  • even if it started out as a fun game or if it felt good physically
  • even if the child was doing something he or she should not have been doing (ex: he or she had been playing someplace that was off-limits)
  • even if the child was too confused or scared to say ‘no’ or to try to stop it
  • even if the child didn’t tell anyone right away
  • even if the person (or anyone else) says it was the child’s fault.”

“A person who does this to a child might be someone that the child knows and trusts, like a family member or teacher.”

  • While safety with strangers is important, children are much more likely to be abused by people they know and it is critical that students learn about this possibility.

“People who do this to children need help in order to learn how to stop.”

  • Teachers should avoid characterizing people who abuse children as ‘bad’ because children who are abused by someone they love may have difficulty relating.

Discuss with students what someone in this situation could do to get help

  • Encourage children to be assertive and say ‘no’ loudly and firmly (but reiterate that it’s still not their fault if they can’t or don’t say ‘no’)
  • Help children identify several adults (including several outside of their immediate households) they could tell about confusing or scary touches.
  • Encourage children to keep telling until they find someone who can help.
  • Because abusers often overtly or covertly threaten children that if they tell, something bad will happen, it is important to reassure the child that it’s o.k. to tell.

Internet and stranger safety principles can be effectively introduced at this time.

Notes about semantics:

Most curricula now avoid the use of the “good touch/bad touch” terminology because many inappropriate touches are often confusing for children to identify, either because they don’t necessarily hurt, or they may start out as a good touch (ie tickling), or because they may feel physically pleasant but emotionally very scary. Additionally, touches that are good in some situations with some people can be bad in other situations and vice versa. Because of this ambiguity, it is more helpful for children to learn to identify their feelings about touches rather than learn a list of touches pre-sorted into categories.

Additionally, many curricula have begun to use the words “private and special” rather than simply “private” to describe the genitals, buttocks, and breasts. This may help avoid the implication that because they are “private,” these areas are shameful or bad.

Bullying & Harassment (4-8)

Many young people [both targets and bullies] lack the social skills needed to positively interact with their peers. They often rely on either aggressive or passive (or passive-aggressive) behavior, all of which tend to precipitate and perpetuate behavioral problems. By helping students develop assertiveness and pro-social interaction skills, we not only help eliminate bulling, but also help prepare students for a world in which working with others is a critical skill.

Additionally, most young people report that they feel uncomfortable when they witness bullying and harassment by their peers, but that they don’t know what to do. When bystanders don’t do anything, it reinforces the perception that everyone thinks the bullying is acceptable. Young people can be given the skills to challenge the peer culture where bullying and harassment is o.k. and where bullies gain power from their aggression.

Define bullying and harassment.

Teach conflict management assertiveness skills .

  • Contrast with aggressive, passive, and passive-aggressive behavior.

Empower bystanders/witnesses

  • Provide scenarios of bullying/harassment for students to think about and discuss. Would they act? Why or why not? If they chose not to, what message would they be sending to the target? If they did react, what could they say? What might happen? Help evaluate the possible reactions on the basis of safety.
  • Help young people recognize that they are not alone when they feel uncomfortable about bullying and that many of their peers probably feel the same but are afraid to act.
  • Help students understand that it takes courage to stand up to bullies.

Emphasize that bullying/harassment is not the fault of the target.

Provide information and options for students who are being targeted:

  • Encourage students to be assertive when confronted by bullies.
  • Encourage students to talk to adults.
  • Suggest that students keep a journal documenting the bullying/harassment and keep any notes or pictures from the harasser.
  • Provide information on the school policy and on the laws.

Sexual Harassment (6-12)

As with bullying/harassment, these concepts are underpinned by the idea that the most effective prevention is that which comes from the students themselves. If they are empowered with the skills to challenge offensive behavior, students can effectively change the peer culture that supports sexual harassment and gender violence.

Define sexual harassment.

  • Discuss the difference between flirting and harassment.
  • Discuss how a particular behavior could fall in either category depending on the situation or the people involved.
  • Point out that the feelings and perceptions of the person at whom the behavior is directed determines whether or not the behavior is harassing.

Discuss how students can ensure that their own behavior is not harassing.

Empower bystanders/witnesses

  • Provide scenarios of harassment for students to think about and discuss. Would they act? Why or why not? If they chose not to, what message would they be sending to the target? If they did react, what could they say? What might happen? Help evaluate the possible reactions on the basis of safety.
  • Help students recognize that they are not alone when they feel uncomfortable about harassment and that many of their peers probably feel the same but are afraid to act.
  • Help students understand that it takes courage to stand up to harassers.

Emphasize that the harassment is not the fault of the target.

Provide information and options for individuals who are being targeted:

  • Encourage assertiveness when being harassed.
  • Encourage that they to talk to adults.
  • Suggest that they keep a journal documenting the harassment and keep any notes or pictures from the harasser.
  • Provide information on the school policy and on the laws.
  • Provide information about local resources such as sexual assault service providers/rape crisis centers.

Sexual Abuse/Sexual Assault (6-12)

Define sexual assault.

  • Establish that sexual assault is not just forcible vaginal penetration by a penis, but is any type of sexual touching without consent, which also includes unwanted fondling or groping.
  • Sexual assault can be perpetrated by both males and females; and both genders can be victims of assault.

Define and discuss the concept of consent.

  • Consent does not simply mean the absence of a stated ‘no,’ but the clear expression (verbal or non) of a ‘yes.’
  • Consent means each person has the freedom and ability to choose whether he or she wishes to be involved in an activity.
  • Consent also means that each person has the freedom and ability to choose to withdraw from the activity at any time for any reason.

“No one has the right to force, threaten, coerce, manipulate, or trick another person into sexual contact under any circumstances.”

Emphasize that most assaults are perpetrated by someone known to and believed to be ‘safe’ by the victim, such as a date, a friend-of-a-friend, a neighbor, or a co-worker.

  • This creates dynamics that are different from stranger assaults. Victims tend to feel a greater sense of self-blame (if only I had/hadn’t…) as well as a more intense feelings of betrayal and inability to trust.

“Sexual assaults are never the fault of the victim.”

  • even if they were drinking
  • or they were ‘making out’ with the person prior to the assault
  • or if they were wearing a sexy outfit
  • or if they have had sex before
  • or if they were doing something they should not have been doing (underage drinking, out past curfew, at a party against parents wishes…)

Empower bystanders to intervene when they witness inappropriate behavior such as coercion or deliberate attempts to intoxicate someone to reduce their ability to resist.

  • See discussion under bullying/harassment and sexual harassment.

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This document was developed for the Archdiocese of Milwaukee by the Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault (WCASA). For more information on WCASA see the WCASA web site at

Discuss ways individuals can help friends who have been assaulted (or get help for themselves).

  • Listen to her or him without judgment.
  • Tell him/her it was not his/her fault.
  • Let her/him know about options for getting help.
  • School counselors
  • Sexual assault service providers/crisis hotlines
  • Medical professionals
  • Law enforcement
  • Offer to go with her or him to talk to a parent, counselor, or other adult

Gender Violence (7-12)

Examine gender roles and how are they transmitted? (dovetails with media literacy)

  • What happens to people who do not conform to the roles?
  • How do these roles limit or hurt us as individuals?

Examine how these roles can encourage violence.

Empower bystanders to change peer culture by challenging gender violence.

  • See discussion under bullying/harassment and sexual harassment.

Dating Violence/Healthy Relationships (7-12)

Discuss characteristics of healthy and unhealthy relationships.

Teach/reinforce skills for building positive, equitable relationships.

Teach/reinforce skills for negotiation and conflict transformation.

Establish options for individuals who have questions about their relationship or need help getting out of an unhealthy relationship.

  • Talk to adults such as parents, counselors, teachers
  • Talk to someone at a local domestic/sexual violence program (crisis line)