“Lactose Intolerance”
By: ???????
EXT. KIERANS CATTLE FARM—NIGHT
A full moon glows green in the sky, then moves revealing the gibbous moon behind it. It is an asteroid heading towards the earth.
The asteroid quickly loses mass as it plunges through the earths atmosphere, burning up. A tiny pale green asteroid is all that remains, and it shoots deep into a cows back.
The cow tips over, and the hole on its back glows green, the flesh eventually healing over it.
The cow gets back up, but it’s eyes now glow green.
EXT. KIERANS MILKING BARN—MORNING
KIERAN a fit man in his late sixties wearing overalls and a red trucker’s hat carries a metal bucket towards the barn, while whistling. He opens the large barn door, and rings a brass cowbell, causing the seven or so cows in the field, including GREENIE the green eyed cow, to approach.
INT. KIERANS MILKING STATION—MORNING
The building is surprisingly modern. It’s wooden exterior was just a façade, the interior is all metal, with four metal milking stations on each side.
The cows enter the barn, Kieran puts them into their separate stations, attaching the milking device. The third cow he attaches is Greenie, whose movements are strange and mechanical.
Kieran flips the lever in Greenies station, and without flinching or mooing like the rest of the cows, she stays still as the pale white milk, with a hint of green, moves out from her utters up the tubes.
KIERAN
That’s a good girl.
He pats her and continues onward. Greenies milk continues up the tube along the wall where it joins with the seven other tubes, further distilling the green color. The tubes all connect to one large tube which leads to another wall which has a large glass window. The milk comes out from the tube, running across the glass.
INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA—DAY
Milk pours down the side of a glass pitcher, filling it to the top, she then moves along filling the rest of the pitchers on the counter.
Further down the counter there are other food items, pizza, French fries, pudding, and assorted chips and other snack foods.
Lined up in front of this counter are students, two of which ALAN, a seventh grade boy with short brown hair and SAM, another seventh Grader of about the same average height with curly blonde hair, stand in line holding trays.
SAM
So then my sister was all
like: ‘Omigod! I totally
thought the toaster was
water proof!’
ALAN
Really?
SAM
Yeah! Well, no, not really.
But wouldn’t that have been
hilarious? She’s like, such
an idiot, I can totally see
her doing that.
ALAN
Sure, whatever.
Alan reaches for French Fries, his tray is otherwise empty. Sam’s tray has the pizza as well as French fries and Sam also reaches to grab a pudding. Alan looks disappointed.
ALAN
Shoot.
SAM
What?
ALAN
Cheese pizza, instant pudding
and oh, your choice in beverage,
milk or milk.
SAM
Dude, the puddings actually
pretty good.
ALAN
Really? Next time I feel like a
trip to the hospital I’ll be sure
to try some.
Sam grabs milk, and he and Alan exit the line as they look for a table.
SAM
Aw, right, the whole Lactose
and Tolerant thing, I forgot.
ALAN
It’s lactose intolerant man.
It means I’m not tolerant for
lactose, which is like milk or
something.
They sit down in a booth.
SAM
Ha. You’re just weak. My body
can handle anything I throw at it.
Sam tilts his head back and downs the milk, Alan turns to get up.
ALAN
I’m gonna go see if I can get
some water or something, I’ll
be back in a bit.
Alan walks away, Sam’s head snaps back, for he has finished his glass. He now has a milk mustache and green eyes.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY—NIGHT
Alan exits the cafeteria, entering a hallway. He approaches a drinking fountain, and takes a water bottle from his back pack, and begins filling.
From around the corner, TEENIE a fourth grade girl mechanically walks. She has a milk mustache and green eyes. She approaches Alan. Her voice is soft and she seems distant.
TEENIE
Hello friend, would you like
some milk?
ALAN
Uh, That’s okay, I’m actually
just getting water.
TEENIE
But milk is so healthy!
ALAN
Seriously, I’m fine.
Teenie grabs Alan’s arm in a powerful grip.
TEENIE
But milk makes us strong.
ALAN
Jesus!
Alan shakes her off him and quickly backs away.
TEENIE
Please drink some milk.
Teenies hand is still extended towards Alan who quickly walks back to the cafeteria.
ALAN
Creepy Fourth Graders.
He opens the door, all the students that are sitting in the cafeteria are drinking glasses of milk through straws. When Alan opens the door, they all train their green eyes towards him.
Sam stands up, his voice is soft his eyes are green he has a milk mustache and he seems somehow distant.
SAM
Alan.
All the students have milk mustaches, their eyes are all green, they all have soft voices and seem somehow distant.
ALL STUDENTS
Would you like some milk?
They all offer their milk to Alan, who quickly shuts the door, and puts his back against it. He shakes his head, takes a deep breath and opens the door again, revealing that all the students have gotten up and are quickly approaching him.
ALAN
Oh my god!
He darts away from the door down the hall, the door does not close for the students are pouring out. Alan darts down the hall but stops in his tracks as he sees Teenie.
TEENIE
Drink!
Teenie holds out a glass. Alan darts past her rushing past her into the boy’s locker room.
INT. BOY’S LOCKER ROOM—DAY
Alan darts in, quickly looks around, fixes his vision upon the showers which are in a serate smaller room. He darts in there.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY—DAY
Out from the cafeteria the students poor, all holding glasses of milk. They mechanically and eerily march off in different directions, entering different classrooms and such.
Sam enters the classroom closest to the cafeteria, shutting the door behind him. The door has a clouded window and Sam’s silhouette is seen, offering the class his glass of milk.
SAM
Would you like some milk?
The rest of the student individually find rooms to enter. JACK, an eight grader with a Hoodie and a school headband enters the boy’s locker room.
INT. BOY’S LOCKER ROOM—DAY
Jack looks around, finally spotting Alan’s shoe poking out from the entrance to the showers. He tilts his head and smiles, walking towards the coaches quarters. He reaches his hand towards the knob that turns the showers on.
Alan sits in the showers, resting his head upon his knees, rocking back and forth. Suddenly, they all turn on. Alan jumps up, he is getting soaked. Jack enters.
JACK
Hello friend, would you like
some milk?
Alan looks terrified, he chucks his backpack at Jack, who then slips. Alan rushes out as the spilled milk slowly circles down the drain.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY—NIGHT
Alan rushes out from the Locker room. The hall way is deserted. He is soaking wet, he looks around panting.
Suddenly the doors all the way down the hallway all start opening in a sort of wave fashion, coming towards him. From the doors that had been opened the longest comes a hand holding a glass of milk.
Alan panics, looks behind him and sees a metal door. It is labeled: “Cellar Storage”. He tries to open it as all the students with their milk mustaches and glowing green eyes approach him, but it is padlocked.
ALAN
No!
He continues to shake the door to no avail. He sees a fire extinguisher in a case on the wall, and breaks the case open as the students approach.
He removes the fire extinguisher, and moves again towards the door. Jack bursts out soaking from the Locker room, his eyes greener than ever.
JACK
Drink the milk!
All the other students are quickly approaching as Alan beats away at the door. Their eyes glow bright green as they offer their precious beverage.
SAM
Drink Alan!
ALL STUDENTS
Drink Alan!
The lock finally bursts, and Alan rips the door open. He then breaks off the doorknob on the outside with the extinguisher, enters and closes the door behind him, listening for the click.
Alan lets out a sigh of relief, and sits back against the door. He is startled when it begins getting kicked.
STUDENT
Let us in Alan!
JACK
Drink some milk!
TEENIE
Please friend!
SAM
It makes us strong!
ALL STUDENTS
Drink!
Alan rushes down the stairs. The room has a few old desks and a few overhead projectors along with assorted books an book cases. A lone light bulb hangs from the ceiling.
Pounding can be heard from all around, the celing, the walls, the door. Alan looks in an all directions, clutching the fire extinguisher close to him.
STUDENTS
Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!
The students become rhythmical with their chanting and pounding. Alan is freaking out. A sloshing can be heard above, as if the students are throwing the milk at the floor.
STUDENTS
Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!
Plaster falls from the ceiling. The lightbulb bounces back and forth. A large piece of plaster falls on the overhead, turning it on and blinding Alan.
ALAN
Ahh!
STUDENTS
Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!
Milk begins to drip from the ceiling, onto the overhead projector, projecting a creepy milky glow on the wall behind Alan, so that when he turns away from being blinded, he sees it, screams, and drops the fire extinguisher, darting towards a corner.
The light bulb begins to fill with milk, finally exploding. Alan screams again.
STUDENTS
Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!
Alan looks rapidly for an escape route, as milk pours down the stairs filling up the small room, he sees a windowup at the top of one wall, and begins moving the desks towards it.
STUDENTS
Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!
He has two desks stacked, climbs on top of them and crawls out the window. He lets out a sigh of relief as he leans back against the building.
He then gets up and heads out towards the road. He sees a car coming and dashes out in front of it. It stops, and rolls down its windows halfway revealing the top half of the head of a man wearing sunglasses.
DRIVER
Hello? Yes?
ALAN
Hello! My School, it’s, it’s, I,
I can’t explain. Please, would
you please drive me home?
The rest of the window is rolled down revealing a milk mustache under the mans nose, he is also holding a cup of milk.
DRIVER
Sure friend, get in.
Alan screams, hits the milk out from the drivers hand and runs away screaming.
The driver pulls off his sunglasses revealing normal eyes. He brushes himself off.
DRIVER
Jeez, I know some people aren’t
to fond of Silk, but that was
just ridiculous.