FRANK SIN-GOTCHA WIFE
REPORTER ATTORNEY
SECURITY GUARD MOBSTER
BIMBO
PROPS: small table, (2) chairs, loaded gun with at least three blanks, dollar bill
MY WAY
(Opening Scene: FRANK on stage. A dining table with two chairs is set up toward the back of the stage area.)
FRANK: (to audience) I want to thank you all to coming to my concert tonight. I want you all to know that I love you.
REPORTER: (from front row position in audience) Yeah? Like you love your children? You’ve got a son in Vegas; you ever talk to him? Or how about your daughter in California; ever talk to her? Or your son in Colorado; ever talk to him? Do you love them too?
FRANK: All right, all right; there’s a wise guy in every crowd.
(SECURITY GUARD steps over to REPORTER and escorts him to the back of the auditorium)
FRANK: I’m going to close tonight with a song about my life.
(FRANK can either lip-synch or actually sing the song karaoke style – “My Way” by Frank Sinatra)
REPORTER: (back to the front row again) That was a great song. Do you think that song will ever become one of your best hits?
FRANK: I sure hope so.
REPORTER: “I did it my way.” That does just about sum up your life, Frank. But there is one line that is rather questionable: “Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again to few to mention.” I mean, don’t you regret your children growing up without a father? Don’t you regret your alcoholism that destroyed three marriages, your involvement with the mob, broken relationships? The Bible says there’s a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to destruction. Your way, Frank, is not the right way. It’s the wrong way!
FRANK: Okay! A Bible thumper; I should have known. (reaching into his pocket for a bill) Here’s $100 . . . why don’t you buy yourself . . . a life. Ha-ha-ha! I’ll tell you what Jesus is, he’s a crutch for people who can’t hack it on their own. I’ve never needed anyone but myself and I sure ain’t about to change now. I’m done, folks. See you next concert.
(BIMBO ENTERS and gives FRANK a kiss. FRANK steps back from the edge of the stage and joins her at the dining table. SECURITY GUARD ushers REPORTER toward the back of the audience again and then stands next to FRANK at the table.)
SECURITY GUARD: You sure told that guy, Frank. I’ll tell you what – you’re the man! I want to be just like you when I grow up.
FRANK: George, have you looked in the mirror lately? You are grown up. I’m not so sure about your brain though.
(WIFE ENTERS and walks over to FRANK)
WIFE: Hi, Frank; remember me . . . your wife? Who’s the bimbo?
FRANK: Oh, Buffy, she’s just a friend. Come on, baby.
WIFE: Don’t you baby me, you creep. You’ll be seeing my attorney! It’s always your way, isn’t it, Frank? I’m going to sue your for everything you’ve got!
FRANK: Yeah? Well you’d better get in line with the others.
SECURITY GUARD: Wow, Frank, is everything okay?
FRANK: Of course everything’s okay; I’ve still got Buffy.
BIMBO: I’m sorry, Frankie, but my daddy taught me not to let any man cheat on me. I’m more than just a beautiful specimen, Frankie. I got me some self respect, you know.
(BIMBO EXITS)
ATTORNEY: Well, well, if it isn’t Mr. Frank Sin-Gotcha himself! I’ve got some divorce papers for you to sign.
FRANK: Yeah, yeah. Who cares? I don’t need her.
ATTORNEY: You’re behind on your alimony payments to your other three wives. You don’t need this, Frank.
FRANK: Well, do you think I asked for this? I’m not leaving them; they’re leaving me.
ATTORNEY: You know, I was in the audience when that reporter was telling you about Jesus and how doing it your way will lead to destruction. Did you think about what he had to say?
FRANK: Not a chance. I’m just fine. Jesus is a crutch for people who can’t make it on their own.
ATTORNEY: Frank, you think this life you’re living is “making it?” Come on, man! Wake up before it’s too late! Your liver is shot; your health is deteriorating and so is your career. You’ve burned every relationship you’ve ever had and one day you’ll stand before God and have to give an account of your life.
FRANK: What is going on? Can you believe this? Suddenly I’m surrounded by Bible thumpers! I’ll manage just fine . . . I always have and I always will.
ATTORNEY: All right, Frank; have it your way. I’ll be getting back with you.
(ATTORNEY EXITS and MOBSTER ENTERS. MOBSTER gives SECURITY GUARD the thumb sign to leave, and SECURITY GUARD EXITS.)
MOBSTER: Frankie, Frankie, Frankie . . . how did I know I would find you here?
FRANK: I don’t know – just lucky, I guess.
MOBSTER: You promised us a payment last week. Tommy waited and waited and . . . nothing.
FRANK: Something came up. I couldn’t make it. You’ll get your money; I’m good for it, you know.
MOBSTER: The boss is tired of waiting.
FRANK: Well, he’ll just have to learn some patience, won’t he?
MOBSTER: He’s done, Frank. He’s done waiting.
FRANK: What are you trying to say?
MOBSTER: It’s over, Frank.
FRANK: What? Are you threatening to kill me? Is that it? I’ll have you killed! Go ahead and try. I dare you! Do you know who I am?
MOBSTER: See you in hell, Frank.
(MOBSTER shoots FRANK once)
FRANK: (reacting to the pain of the bullet, but still alive) See? You can’t kill me. I’m Frank. I’m old blue eyes. I’m immortal.
(MOBSTER shoots again)
FRANK: (reacting to the pain of another bullet) I’ll kill you, you low-life!
(MOBSTER EXITS. REPORTER ENTERS and hurries onto stage.)
REPORTER: Frank! What happened here?
FRANK: Call for help; I’ve been shot.
REPORTER: Listen to me, Frank! You’re getting ready to step into eternity . . . and you’re not ready! God loves you. Jesus died for your sins. Why don’t you ask God to forgive you?
FRANK: What do I have to do?
REPORTER: Just pray with me, Frank.
(FRANK dies and lies still)
REPORTER: Frank? Frank? Can you hear me, Frank?
(MUSIC: last vocal portion of Sinatra’s original “My Way”)
THE END