CLC Semester 2 Cura Personalis

Meeting 8: Cura in Compliments

Equipment List

  1. Copies of this sheet for journaling
  2. Pieces of paper with each person’s name on it.
  3. Blank pieces of paper
  4. Copies of this sheet

Introduction:

Say Hi to everyone!

Opening Prayer: 1 minute

Grace: for the gift of compliments, both in giving and receiving.

Prayer: take some minutes in silent preparation, then read the following passage from 2nd Corinthians, then allow for more silent reflection.

Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.

Greet one another with a holy kiss. All God’s people here send their greetings.

May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.

~ 2 Corinthians 13: 11 - 14

Moment Closest: 10 minutes

Invite everyone to share their “Moment Closest to Christ”

Exercise/Discussion/Sharing: 20-30 minutes

Read the following aloud as a CLC

I watched them tear a building down

I watched them tear a building down;
A mighty gang in a busy town.
With a mighty heave and lusty yell,
They swung a beam and a side wall fell.
I asked the foreman, "Are these folks as skilled
As the people you'd hire if you had to build?"
He laughed and said, "No indeed!
Just a common laborer is all I need.
And I can wreck in a day of two
What it took the builder a year to do."
And I thought to myself as I went my way,
"Just which of these roles have I tried to play?
Am I a builder who works with skill and care
Building others up by the rule and square,
Or am I a wrecker as I walk the town
Content with the labor of tearing down?"
- Unknown

Why is it easier to criticize than to compliment? Let’s look at this:

  • Close your eyes
  • Imagine yourself receiving a compliment from someone for whom you recently did something nice.
  • Then imagine what you might say in response

Share with each other…what did you say?

Most times, in our society, we respond by saying, something like:

  • “It was nothing.”
  • “No worries.”
  • “No problem.”
  • No response…shrug shoulders

This may be part of the explanation for why compliments can sometimes be scarce. Saying, “it was nothing”, refutes/rebuffs the compliment. It is as if we are saying, “you’re stupid for complimenting me about something so insignificant!” No wonder we don’t compliment others - most of the time when we do, we are (indirectly) told that we are stupid. Giving compliments doesn’t feel good, so we don’t do it.

One of the best ways we can extend Cura to others is to build them up with compliments. Another related way to radiate Cura is to make compliments feel good for those who say nice things to us, so that compliments become the superior choice to cut-downs. This is a skill that can be developed with practice. We’ll practice right now, then out in the world for the week:

  • Pair up
  • Take some time to pray/think about what you would like to compliment your CLC mate about. Make it as significant/heartfelt as possible. Remember: heart speaks to heart, deep speaks to deep.
  • Decide who will go first
  • The giver gives the compliment. The receiver receives the compliment and then responds positively:
  • “Thank you!”
  • “That was very kind of you to say that.”
  • “That is the nicest thing I’ve been told in a long time.”
  • “That means a lot coming from you, since I really respect you.”
  • Make up your own…
  • Give a hug
  • The giver gives the compliment. The receiver receives the compliment and then responds positively:

Report back to the larger CLC once each person has had a chance to give and receive…then process:

  • What did it feel like to receive the compliment rather than rebuff it?
  • How did it feel to give the compliment and have it be received and cherished, rather than slammed back in your face?
  • What else moved in you during CLC this week? Did the Scripture passage or the poem move you? If so, how?

Moving Forward: 5 minutes

  • Vow to give someone a compliment this week. Notice what happens…do they receive it, or do they give you a, “no problem”. What did it feel like?
  • If someone compliments you this week, vow to receive the compliment as you practiced today. Note what happens.
  • Be ready to share both of these next week.
  • Optional: actually write out the compliments from the diads, so everyone leaves with the written compliment they were given.

Closing Prayer: 5 minutes

  • Close by re-reading the poem