INT. STRATUS’ APARTMENT—MORNING
There is a coffee table in front of a couch, and a T.V. in front of the coffee table. On the couch sleeps STRATUS, a strapping lad of about twenty, dressed in casual, yet extremely wrinkly clothing. He awakens, gets up, turns off the T.V., smoothes out his outfit, checks his pants for his wallet, and exits.
EXT. RICKS GENERAL STORE—MORNING
Stratus walks up to the door, opens it, and goes inside.
INT. RICKS GENERAL STORE—SAME TIME
Stratus steps inside. The shop keeper, RICKY, a tall lanky guy in a polo shirt with a suave pair of glasses, smiles.
RICKY
Stratus my man!
STRATUS
Ricky. Hey.
RICKY
So what’s happenin’ guy?
STRATUS
I’m just, like, gonna grab one of
those little Starbuck’s thing and
a paper.
Stratus reaches into the cooler in the wall and pulls out a Frappuccino. He then grabs a paper, and slaps them on the counter. Ricky rings them up, Stratus pays him.
RICKY
Alright bud, have good day.
Stratus waves, and then leaves the store.
EXT. MAIN STREET, HITCH TOWN—MORNING
Stratus steps outside, saloon style doors swing shut behind him. There is no sidewalk, just a dirt road. There are a few buildings going down the street. They all look old and are wooden.
Stratus is now dressed in old west style clothes, he has a brown trench coat, a cowboy hat, cowboy boots with spurs, and other assorted cowboy accessories. This does not concern Stratus. He looks instead at his empty hand.
STRATUS
The hell? Where’d my coffee go?
Stratus turns around and goes back inside the store, not caring about the large change in his setting.
INT. RICKS GENERAL STORE-MORNING
Stratus, now back to his normal wrinkly clothed self, re-enters the shop, his coffee and his newspaper both back in his hands. Confused once again, he stares at his coffee. Rick is at the counter flipping through a tabloid.
RICKY
Stratus! What’s up?
STRATUS
I thought I left my coffee on the counter,
But apparently it’s right here in my hand.
RICKY
Apparently.
STRATUS
Well bye then.
RICKY
See ya.
Stratus turns and exits the store, with his coffee and newspaper.
EXT. MAIN STREET, HITCH TOWN—MORNING
Stratus emerges, and the saloon style doors swing shut behind him. Once again, though, he is empty handed, in a tan trench coat and a cowboy hat. He stares down at his empty hands, baffled. He shakes it around. He looks up his sleeve.
STRATUS
Damn.
He turns, and re-enters the store.
INT. RICKS GENERAL STORE-MORNING
He re-enters the store, completely back to normal, coffee and newspaper once again returned to his hands. Ricky sits at the counter flipping through a tabloid.
RICKY
Stratus. You alright?
STRATUS
Yeah.
Stratus takes a moment to clear his mind and think.
STARTUS
I think I’ll just drink my coffee
in here if that’s alright with you.
RICKY
Whatever.
Stratus nods, downs his coffee, and then tosses the bottle away.
STRATUS
Thanks man. So long.
RICKY
See you later.
Stratus exits.
EXT. MAIN STREET, HITCH TOWN—MORNING
He exits, completely unperturbed by his setting and clothing: The brown trench coat, cowboy boots with sours, and cowboy hat. He walks down the street, towards a horse tied to an old, wooden post. A small boy, SAM, in the western getup, comes out of a nearby building and begins to frantically untie the horse.
Stratus walks up to him, sits on a wooden railing to the building Sam just left, and relaxes.
STRATUS
Hey, kid, whatcha doin?
Sam is extremely frantic, his fingers are going as quickly as they can in order to untie his horse.
SAM
It’s almost noon! I gotta get
Ed back to the stables ‘fore
Noon!
STRATUS
Ah. Of course, before noon.
Stratus looks in a pocket of his trench coat and discovers a silver tin. Curious he takes it out, opens it, and reveals cigarettes. He is delighted, and takes one out and puts it in his mouth.
STRATUS
Hey kid, got a light?
SAM
Ain’t no time for no cigarettes!
It’s almost noon!
Sam finishes untying the horse, and then begins to run with it down the street. Stratus stands up and calls after him.
STRATUS
Hey, kid, can you point me towards
a good pancake joint? Like an
IHOP or something?
Sam doesn’t answer, and continues to run down the street. Stratus shakes his head and walks off.
INT. THE HITCH SALOON—LATE MORNING
Stratus enters through the saloon style swinging doors. There are two drunken old guys sitting at the bar. STEPH, the waitress, stands behind the bar, polishing mugs. She has feathers in her hair and a big puffy green dress.
STRATUS
Hey, are you guy’s still serving breakfast?
STEPH
Sorry hon- kitchens closed. We ain’t
gonna be serving no food till after
noon.
STRATUS
Right. Noon.
Old Drunk Man 1 jumps up and tosses his beer at the ground, wear it shatters, catching everyone’s attention.
OLD DRUNK MAN 1
Noon! Noon is almost here!
After a pause Steph goes back to polishing and Stratus turns back to her.
STRATUS
Right, anyway, could you just poor me
a drink really quick? Like a Gin and
Tonic or something?
STEPH
Sure hon. I don’t think I’ve seen
you before, and I know everyone.
STRATUS
The name’s Stratus.
Steph looks confused, Stratus points skyward.
STRATUS
Like the cloud.
Steph still looks confused.
STRATUS
You know, the wispy ones?
Steph has no idea what he is talking about. Stratus sighs, obviously having dealt with this before.
STRATUS
The names Jim.
Steph is relieved, and nods. She works on mixing his drink.
STEPH
I’m Steph. I’ve been workin’ round here
long as I can think of.
Steph is taking a strangely long time with Stratus’ drink, mixing in all kind of ingredients that are not gin and tonic, like tomato juice, beer, different flavored syrups, soda, and other strange things. Stratus stares at her unfazed.
STEPH
And all this time, all these
many years, ain’t nobody come
in to take me away like my momma
used to say. Ain’t no one at all
new come in . . . ‘cept you.
Steph places a perfectly normal gin and tonic in front of him, it has none of the ingredients she was previously adding, just gin and tonic. Stratus looks as though he feels awkward.
STRATUS
That’s great, Steph, could I have
this drink to go? I think I’m
gonna go drink it outside.
STEPH
But, you can’t, it’s almost noon!
Only the sheriff and Rusty Skillet
will be out there!
OLD DRUNKEN GUY 2
Noon! It’s almost Noon! Noooooooooon!
STRATUS
Right, yeah, how much do I owe
you? I think I’m just gonna go.
STEPH
How can you put a price on a brave
hero’s last drink? The only price
I’ll put on it is that if you do
live out there, if by some miraculous-
Stratus takes his drink and begins to slowly back up awkwardly towards the door.
STEPH (CONT’D)
-miracle from god Rusty Skillet
doesn’t put a hole in your head,
if you save our town and your life,
that you’ll save me too, that you’ll
come back for me Jim, you’ll come
back and you’ll whisk me away and we’ll
hop onto your horse and ride into the
horizon and-
Stratus pivots and bolts out the door.
STEPH
Goodbye my love! You’ll always
have a place in my heart!
EXT. MAIN STREET, HITCH TOWN—NOONISH
The SHERIFF and RUSTY SKILLET stand outside, about ten paces apart, hand on their holsters, facing in opposite directions.
RUSTY SKILLET
Listen sheriff, it’s about time you
tucked yer tail under and head for
the hills.
SHERIFF
That’s not going to happen Rusty, not
today, not on my watch.
Stratus exits the saloon with his gin and tonic.
RUSTY SKILLET
All-ride then sheruff, looks like
we gots ourselves a duel.
SHERIFF
Ten paces and turn.
They spin around, and start walking away from each other. Stratus walks away form the saloon , crossing the dirt street between them, they don’t notice.
RUSTY
Fire!
Rusty and the Sheriff pivot and shoot at each other. Stratus is caught between them. The Sheriff, hit in the chest, falls to the ground. Stratus’ mug full of gin and tonic explodes, leaving Stratus with a broken glass handle in his hand and a million pieces of glass at his feet. Stratus looks with a countenance of pure rage towards Rusty Skillet, who is doing a victory jig.
STRATUS
You ass! I barely took a sip!
RUSTY SKILLET
Huh?
Stratus angrily chucks the sharp handle of his mug at a confused looking Rusty Skillet. The sharp mug nail him in the head, Rusty Skillet drops dead. Stratus stares surprised at the dead Rusty Skillet.
STRATUS
Oops.
Steph runs out through the swinging doors of her saloon, takes in her surroundings, and sees the dieing sheriff. Sam runs out of a nearby house on the verge of tears.
SAM
Pa? Pa?!
Sam runs up to the sheriff. STEPH intercepts him. Stratus continues to stare at the dead Rusty Skillet.
STEPH
Sam, you gotta keep yourself
together, your pa’s gonna be fine
now, ya hear? Now go fetch the Doc.
Sam runs off, Steph turns to Stratus and smiles. She gets up from her perch over Sheriff, and moves towards him.
STEPH
Jim! Jim! You’re alive! You did
it! You’re my hero, now whisk me
away from here!
She jumps into his arms. Stratus holds her for a second, drops her, and begins to walk towards the General Store.
STRATUS
That’s it. I’m calling in sick
today.
Steph gets up and dusts herself off.
STEPH
Jim, Jim wait! Wait Jim! I’ll do
anything! Take me with you Jim!
I’ll love you forever! I’ll get
Jim permanently tattooed over my
heart!
STRATUS
My names not Jim-
Stratus reaches the door to the general store.
STRATUS
-It’s Stratus.
He leaves. Steph falls on he knees, looks up to the sky, clenches her hands into fists and wails.
STEPH
Noooooooooooooooooooooo!
In the background sam and a man in a white labcoat, DOC, stands near the sheriff. Doc kicks the sheriff a few times, then shrugs.
INT. RICKS GENERAL STORE-NOONISH
Stratus comes quickly inside.
RICKY
Dude, shouldn’t you be at work?
STRATUS
I’m taking a mental health day.
Listen: Can I use your back door?
RICKY
Go ahead. Hold on, you look tired,
Take another coffee, on the house.
Rick tosses him a Frappuccino.
STRATUS
Sweet, thanks.
Stratus leaves out through the back door.
EXT. ALASKA—NOONISH
Stratus crawls out of an igloo in a giant Parka. He makes nothing of the strange change in his surroundings, but looks down at his empty hand.
STRATUS
Oh come on!
END.