To OB office Staff;
We hope you find this information helpful in assisting your clients at this time of crisis. Our goal is to assist in the transition from an office visit with a grim prognosis to hospitalization for delivery. We encourage and support giving families a day or two to absorb the reality and then make the transition to hospitalization. As you know it can be more difficult to hospitalize someone who is still in shock. However, we understand that it is their decision.
This information is provided with a full understanding that families are overwhelmed and limited in their ability to assimilate any more information. However, it may be given to a supportive family member and it is better to provide something. Please review the packet prior to providing to the family to determine how best to meet their needs.
I would be glad to provide a brief overview with specifics at your office setting. I am available at: 470-7372.
Thank you for your partnership.
Janet N. Press. R.N.C., M.S.N., C.T.
RTS Bereavement Services Coordinator
CrouseHospital
The staff of Women and Children’s Services at Crouse Hospital wish to provide you with support during this difficult time.We know this is a very sad time and this information that might help you. We are committed to providing the care you and your family need during your hospital stay, as well as when you return home. We will provide you with mementos, emotional support, information, and resources.
You will receive information about local support for parents who have experienced the death of a baby as well as an extensive list of ‘Resources for Grieving Families”. If you would like this prior to your admission, please call 315-470-2768. In addition, our RTS (Resolve through Sharing) Bereavement Services Coordinator is available to you during this time (315-470-7372).
Hospital Admission
When you arrive at the hospital, go to the admitting office. The admitting staff person may know your situation. We will get you to a room (private) on the maternity service as soon as possible. In this area, the nurses are all trained to meet the needs of parents facing the death of their baby.
The nurse will need to ask you questions as part of the admitting process. Please ask any questions you have also. You may want to bring the attached checklist / information sheet with you.
After we ask questions and take your temperature, blood pressure and pulse, respirations, we will follow your and yourprovider’s plan for delivery. We can explain the details of this plan when you are admitted or you may want to ask your provider prior to admission. Depending on the size of your baby, this may take 1-2 days. We also plan for your discharge as soon as it is safe for you to leave.
Delivery Information and Choices
You will soon be asked to make some choices. This information is intended to help you in making these choices. If you feel like it is too much to think about right now, we want you to know that all of this can be reviewed at the hospital.
1. Seeing and holding your baby
You will have the opportunity to see and be with your child as long as you want. Our experience with parents who have suffered the loss of a baby is that many parents regret the decision not to see and/or hold their baby. Often times, parents have a picture in their mind of what their deceased child will look like and are simply scared to see their baby. In most cases, what parents imagine is worse than what the baby actually looks like. Parents simply see their child. You do not need to make a decision now. We are very flexible and we know it is hard to make decisions at this time. Please let the staff know if you have any questions – we want you to be as comfortable with your plans as possible.
Our thoughts/questions: ______
______
2. Pictures of your baby
We routinely take pictures of all babies born at Crouse Hospital. They are sent to a photo lab and take 3-4 weeks to be processed. There is no fee. We can also take pictures of you and your family holding the baby.
You may want to bring your own camera to create mementos for yourself and other family members. You may not want photographs now,but you can keep them to look at later. Also, family members who cannot be present can see your baby’s photographs and be more understanding of your loss later.
The RTS Bereavement Services office will call you when the hospital photographs are completed. They can be sent or you may want to pick them up. If you do not feel you are ready to receive the pictures, we will keep them for you indefinitely. If you decide at a later date that you would like to have your photographs, you can call the RTS office at 315-470-2768.
There is also an organization Called “Now I lay Me Down to Sleep” who will do professional photographs (no fee).They should be called prior to hospitalization and can be reached at their web site: NowILayMeDownToSleep.org.
Our thoughts/questions: ______
______
3. Other children. Should we let them see the baby? What should we tell them?
This is a difficult question to answer. There are many factors to consider. Children do grieve whether they see the baby or not. They also know that their parents are very sad and it may be helpful to involve them as much as possible to help them understand. Our RTS Bereavement Services Coordinator or your nurse can help you with this decision by giving you age-related information designed for children. It is important to let them know it was nothing they did, said, or thought that caused the death of the baby.
Our thoughts/questions: ______
4. Spiritual Care
Our Spiritual Care team is available to you at any time during your stay. It does not matter if you are a member of a church or temple or part of any organized religious practice. This source of support is available to anyone who wants the presence of a supportive person. Parents may choose to have a blessing ceremony for their baby after delivery. (Baptism is performed for babies born alive, otherwise prayers and blessings may be done.)
Our thoughts/requests: ______
5. Autopsy and other tests
Autopsies at CrouseHospital are done at no charge to the family. It may help answer the most common question of parents, “Why did our baby die?” An autopsy is a surgical procedure to examine the internal organs. The placenta and cord are also examined for abnormalities. It is performed by a physician trained in pathology in a professional manner, so that the dignity of the baby is maintained at all times. Small amounts of tissue will be removed for detailed examination under a microscope. The procedure will not prevent families from having an open casket at a funeral. An autopsy may be the only way to rule out illnesses that could affect other family members or genetic problems that may affect future children. The final autopsy report may not be available immediately, as some of the tests take several weeks to complete. The results of the report are sent to your Obstetrical provider’s office. Unfortunately, sometimes there are no answers. However, many parents feel a sense of comfort knowing everything was done to find out why their baby died. You may want to contact the Pathology department at 470-7396.
Our thoughts/questions: ______
6. After Delivery
Depending on room availability, you may stay in labor and delivery for your entire hospital visit,the postpartum floor, where you will be given a private room, or in a different hospital area. The staff is trained to meet your physical needs after delivering the baby, as well as your emotional needs during this difficult time. We also realize the importance of family and friends who come to visit to offer their support and we will accommodate them.
Our thoughts/questions: ______
7. Will my milk come in after delivery?
For most women, their milk does come in after delivery. You will want to bring a tight fitting bra to the hospital. It may take a few days for the milk to stop.
Our thoughts/questions: ______
8. We have our nursery ready for the baby. What should we do?
Some parents find comfort spending time in their child’s nursery. Others find it painful. Sometimes well-meaning family members will put everything away before parents get home from the hospital. It is important that you let your family know your feelings on this. It may be best wait to make this decision at this time because you don’t know how you will feel when you get home. Many parents find it helpful to do this task at a later date as part of the process of saying goodbye. It is best to take time to consider your options.
Our thoughts/questions: ______
______
9. Options for burial or cremation
InNew York State,if your pregnancy is 20 weeks or more OR if your baby is born alive at any gestational age, parents are required to make burial/cremation arrangements with a Funeral Home. Most funeral homes are willing to provide their services at a reduced charge, depending on the options that are chosen. You may choose to have a funeral home involved at any gestational age.
Planning a burial or cremation is not what you expected to be doing at this time. This process may provide assistance in remembering your child in a special way on anniversaries, holidays, etc. Choosing the option of burying your child does not mean you have to have a funeral service. Funeral homes can assist you in making choices during this process. If you have questions or would like help with this decision and choosing a funeral home, you might discuss this with your family. If an older relative has died, they may have a relationship already established with a local funeral director. Other sources of assistance in choosing are: your nurse, your spiritual care advisor, the hospital chaplain, or the hospital social worker. Unfortunately, decision needs to be made soon after the delivery.
Our thoughts/questions: ______
RIGHTS OF PARENTS WHEN A BABY DIES:
- To be given the opportunity to see, hold, and touch their baby at any time before and/or after death, within reason.
- To have photographs of their baby taken and made available to the parents, or held in security until the parents want to see them.
- To be given as many mementos as possible.
- To name their child and bond with him or her.
- To observe cultural and religious practices.
- To be cared for by a sympathetic staff who will respect their feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and individual requests.
- To be with each other throughout hospitalization as much as possible.
- To be given time alone with their baby, allowing for individual needs.
- To be given information about the grieving process and support organizations.
- To have a discussion with the appropriate medical staff on options for an autopsy and other testing procedures.
- To plan a farewell ritual, burial, or cremation in compliance with local state regulations and according to their personal beliefs, religion, or cultural tradition.
Bring a list of phone numbers
Bring a phone, camera and/or video camera
Contact nowilaymedowntosleep.org
Bring a tight bra and comfortable clothes
Bring any personal items to put in the photographs(the hospital does have everything)
Contact a person from work
Inform day care providers or teachers
Contact the RTS bereavement services coordinator about concerns with other children (phone number below)
Discuss autopsy with the doctor (if any useful information will be obtained)
Call a spiritual care support person (Minister, Rabbi, Priest, Imam.)
Contact supportive family members
Contact a Funeral Home
Important Phone Numbers/ Contacts:
Crouse Hospital Labor &Delivery 470-7753 / Your Ob Provider’s Office :Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep – professional Photography when available– no fee
Contact:
RTS Bereavement Services Coordinator:
(Call with any questions) Janet Press, R.N.
470-7372
RTS Bereavement Services Office,
Kathy Gorzka, L.P.N 470-2768
Janet Press,MSN 470-7372
Center for Living with Loss (at Hospice):
(Counseling services and support services for siblings 634-1100
Crouse Hospital Neonatal Intensive Care Unit 470- 7379
CHOICES Dr Irene Cherrick 247-0341
Adapted from: Sr. Jane Marie Lamb, Founder of SHARE.
Central DuPage Hospital, Winfield, IL. Used with permission.
Adapted for Crouse Hospital by J. Press/2013
After Your Loss At The Hospital Request:
These are just some ideas. Be creative! This is your time to make special memories with your baby.
- A Lock of Hair (if baby had hair)
- Handprints
- Footprints
- Molds of Handprints and Footprints
- Newborn Picture
- Birth Certificate
- Identification Bracelets
- Record of Weight, Length, Head & Chest Measurements
- Receiving blanket your baby was first wrapped in
- Card hanging on door to notify hospital personnel of loss
- Hold the baby
- Bathe the baby
- Dress the baby in a special outfit
- Sing to the baby
- Rock the baby
- Invite family to spend time with baby
- Take pictures of baby and others holding baby
- Have your baby baptized (if desired)
- Say a special prayer, blessing, or verse
- Request Autopsy (if desired)
- Ask Questions
- Gather information about Support Groups
- Gather information about Funeral Homes and Costs
- Make clear to family members what you want done with nursery items by the time you come home. People handle grief in different ways, so don’t let your family decide what is best for you. Do you want everything put away, nursery door closed, baby items around house stored away, or things left as is?
Once Home:
- Pick out Cemetery Plot
***Don’t rush picking out a grave marker. This does not need to be decided right away. Shop around and find exactly what you want.
- Visit Funeral Home
- Take anything you want your baby buried with to Funeral Home, for example: special outfit, pictures, blankie, doll or stuffed toy
- If having a closed casket, request funeral home to take a picture with disposable camera
- Write obituary for local paper
- Visit florist for floral arrangements for casket
- Plan Memorial Service
- Gather special mementos to display at Memorial Service