36 Things I Have Learnt in 36 Years of Teaching

By Jon Stark

Usually you have a Top 10.

But after 36 years in the second oldest profession in the world, I am going to have a ‘Top 36.’ You can’t suffer 36 years of blood sweat and tears in classrooms and then try and restrict it to just 10!

So here’s my list.

  1. The apple never falls far from the tree. Nor does a falling student.
  2. Do not volunteer to be a ‘target’ for egg-throwing at a school fete.
  3. Insult principals or other school leaders at your peril.
  4. If you know nothing, say nothing.
  5. You can’t teach an old dog New Maths.
  6. Governments shouldgive schools more money and less advice.
  7. The smartest students do not always succeed. Nor do the dumbest fail.
  8. Do not tie up children, beat them or hang them from things.
  9. He who laughs last is not always the teacher!
  10. Where there’s smoke there may a student with toilet paper and a cigarette lighter.
  11. Teachers talking shop at parties are possibly the most boring profession in the world.
  12. The new curriculum is not always an improvement on the old curriculum.
  13. Avoid painting, parties and papier mache.
  14. Never stand in range of a student with a shot put, discus, javelin or baseball bat.
  15. When you have been kicked by a student, be wary of follow up kicks.
  16. Never send a student back home to collect Homework, if his dad is at home.
  17. Be nice to rich kids around Christmas.
  18. Beware of weird students bearing rocks or weapons.
  19. Do not take large groups of students to all-you-can-eat restaurants.
  20. Never let students near self-serve ice-cream machines.
  21. Students can be annoying, very annoying.
  22. Do not assemble students beneath a landing helicopter, especially if the pilot is an idiot.
  23. You learn more in your first day teaching than your previous 4 years at university.
  24. Those that can, do, those that can’t teach become principals.
  25. If there is a new enrolment at the school and the principal is looking for you, hide!
  26. Never list ‘Behaviour Management’ as an area of expertise, or you are asking for trouble.
  27. Never assume that students have learnt what you taught them.
  28. Do not sit in sneezing range of students with colds or other infectious diseases. Or nit range.
  29. Do not let exterminators spray bees with poison while the students are in the classroom.
  30. Do not drive the school bus down ‘No Through Roads.’
  31. Always go to bed the night before school.
  32. Never drive more than 300 kms from school on a weeknight.
  33. Alcohol should only come before school in the dictionary.
  34. If you have a choice, select after school yard duty on Staff Meeting night.
  35. Sometimes teaching really sucks.
  36. A career in teaching is like running a marathon: it’s long, gruelling and painful and you constantly feel like stopping. But when it’s over it’s FANTASTIC!