2008's First Christmas Card
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something
that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on.
'It represents a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook
them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The man replied, 'These are Carols.' And So The Christmas Season Begins......
Twas the Night Before Christmas in Brooklyn
Twas the night before Christmas,
Da whole house was mella,
Not a creature was stirrin',
Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.
When up on da roof
I heard somethin' pound,
I sprung to da window,
To scream, "YO! Keep it down!"
When what to my
Wanderin' eyes should appear,
But da Don of all elfs,
And eight friggin' reindeer!
Wit' slicked back black hair,
And a silk red suit,
don Christopher wuz here,
And he brought me da loot!
Wit' a slap to dare snouts,
And a yank on dare manes,
He cursed and he shouted,
And he called dem by name.
"Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,
Yo Vinny, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,
Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!"
As I drew out my gun
And hid by da bed,
He flew troo da winda
And slapped me 'side da head.
"What da hell you doin'
Pullin' a gun on da Don?
Now all you're gettin' is coal,
You friggin' moron!"
Den pointin' a fat finga
Right unda my nose,
He twisted his pinky ring,
And up da chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities screamin',
Away dey all flew,
Before he troo dem a beatin'.
Den I heard him yell out,
What I did least expect,
"Merry Friggin' Christmas to all,
And yous better show some respect
Night before Christmas 2001
'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, HE LIVED ALL ALONE,
IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF PLASTER AND STONE.
I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,
AND TO SEE JUST WHO IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.
I LOOKED ALL ABOUT, A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS, NOT EVEN A TREE.
NO STOCKING BY MANTLE, JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,
AND ON THE WALL PICTURES OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.
WITH MEDALS AND BADGES, AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,
A SOBERING THOUGHT CAME TO MY MIND.
FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT, SO DARK AND SO DREARY,
THE HOME OF A SOLDIER, NOW I COULD SEE CLEARLY.
THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING, SILENT, ALONE,
CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.
THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE, THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,
NOT HOW I PICTURED A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.
WAS THIS THE HERO OF WHOM I'D JUST READ?
CURLED UP ON A PONCHO, THE FLOOR FOR A BED?
I REALIZED THE FAMILIES THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,
OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.
SOON ROUND THE WORLD, THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,
AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.
THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,
BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS, LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.
I COULDN'T HELP WONDER HOW MANY LAY ALONE,
ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.
THE VERY THOUGHT BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,
I DROPPED TO MY KNEES AND STARTED TO CRY.
THE SOLDIER AWAKENED AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,
"SANTA DON'T CRY, THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;
I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM, I DON'T ASK FOR MORE,
MY LIFE IS MY GOD, MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS."
THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER AND SOON DRIFTED TO SLEEP,
I COULDN'T CONTROL IT, I CONTINUED TO WEEP.
I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS, SO SILENT AND STILL,
AND WE BOTH SHIVERED FROM THE COLD EVENING'S CHILL.
I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE ON THAT COLD, DARK NIGHT,
THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR SO WILLING TO FIGHT.
THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER, WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,
WHISPERED, "CARRY ON SANTA, IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE."
ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH, AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT."
Let’s Go Back To Christmass 2001
This brings it home. Merry Christmas-Happy Hanukah to everyone. Lorrie
1. Last Christmas we were thinking about all the things we didn't have; this Christmas we are thinking about all the things we do have.
2. Last Christmas we were placing wreaths on the doors of our homes; this Christmas we are placing wreaths on the graves of our heros.
3. Last Christmas we were letting our sons play with toy guns; this Christmas we are teaching them that guns are not toys.
4. Last Christmas we were counting our money; this Christmas we are counting our blessings.
5. Last Christmas we were lighting candles to decorate; this Christmas we are lighting candles to commemorate.
6. Last Christmas we paid lip service to the real meaning of the holidays; this Christmas we are paying homage to it.
7. Last Christmas we were digging deep into our bank accounts to find money to fly home for the holidays; this Christmas we are digging deep into our souls to find the courage to do so.
8. Last Christmas we were trying not to let annoying relatives get the best of us; this Christmas we are trying to give the best of ourselves to them.
9. Last Christmas we thought it was enough to celebrate the holidays; this Christmas we know we must also find ways to consecrate them.
10. Last Christmas we thought a man who could rush down a football field was a hero; this Christmas we know a man who rushes into a burning building is the real one.
11. Last Christmas we were thinking about the madness of the holidays; this Christmas we are thinking about the meaning of them.
12. Last Christmas we were getting on one another's nerves; thisChristmas we are getting on our knees.
13. Last Christmas we giving thanks for gifts from stores; this Christmas we are giving thanks for gifts from GOD.
14. Last Christmas we were wondering how to give our children all the things that money can buy; this Christmas we are wondering how to give them all the things money can't (peace, security).
15. Last Christmas we were thinking about all the pressure we are under at the office; this Christmas we are thinking about all the people who no longer have an office to go to.
16. Last Christmas we were singing carols; this Christmas we are singing
anthems.
17. Last Christmas we were thinking how good it would feel to be affluent;
this Christmas we are thinking how good it feels to be alive.
18. Last Christmas we thought angels were in heaven; this Christmas we know they are right here on earth.
19. Last Christmas we were contemplating all the changes we wanted tomake in the new year; this Christmas we are contemplating all the changes we will have to make in this new reality.
20. Last Christmas we believed in the power of the pocketbook; this Christmas we believe in the power of prayer.
21. Last Christmas we were sharing / spreading / listening to gossip; this Christmas we are sharing / spreading and listening to the Gospel.
22. Last Christmas we were complaining about how much of our earnings went to taxes; this Christmas we comprehend that freedom isn't free.
23. Last Christmas we valued things that were costly; this Christmas we value things that are holy.
24. Last Christmas the people we idolized wore sports uniforms; this Christmas the people we idolize wear police, fire-fighter and military uniforms.
25. Last Christmas peace on earth is something we prayed for on Sunday morning; now it's something we pray for every day.
THE GOLD WRAPPING PAPER
It's said that we have a choice to make. I've chosen. Now it's your turn to choose.
The story goes that some time ago, a man punished his 5-year-old daughter for wasting a roll of expensive gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and he became even more upset when the child pasted the gold paper so as to decorate a box to put under the Christmas
tree.
Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift box to her father the next morning and said, "This is for you, Daddy." The father was embarrassed by his earlier overreaction, but his anger flared again when he found the box was empty. He spoke to her in a harsh manner:
"Don't you know, young lady, when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something inside the package?"
The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said: "Daddy, it's not empty. I
blew kisses into it until it was full."
The father was crushed. He fell on his knees and put his arms around his little girl, and he begged her to forgive him for his unnecessary anger.
An accident took the life of the child only a short time later and it is told that the father kept that gold box by his bed for all the years of his life.
And whenever he was discouraged or faced difficult problems he would open the box and take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.
In a very real sense, each of us as human beings have been given a golden box filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children, family, friends and God.
There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.
Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
By Anne C Weaver
"This is going to be a lousy Christmas." Michelle muttered under her breath. She looked to make sure her parents hadn't heard her. They were still walking along singing Christmas songs, oblivious to everything except the time of the year. The mall wasn't very crowded yet, so there was no reason for Michelle to be embarrassed by her family, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't believe that they were so happy. What was there to be happy about? There was hardly any money to buy gifts, and from Michelle's point of view, this would be the worst Christmas in all her 15 years. She paused for a moment outside of her favorite clothing store to look at all the clothes she couldn't have, and glanced into the window at the pet store to see the pets she wasn't allowed to have in the apartment. Everywhere she went there was a Christmas song playing. "O Christmas Tree" reminded her that they had to put a tiny tree up this year because a big one wouldn't
fit; "Here We Come A-Caroling" reminded her that she didn't have any friends to go caroling with; "Jolly Old St. Nicholas" made her think of how little "Santa" could afford to bring her; and "Joy To The World" made her wonder what there was to be joyful about.
"If Dad hadn't taken that new job;" she thought, "if mom hadn't decided not to work full time anymore; if prices weren't so high, we might actually have a decent Christmas. If we were back in Colorado, this wouldn't be happening." Michelle kept adding up the ifs, she began to think of Christmas back in Denver. There was always lots of snow to play in. Michelle usually invited a friend or two over to make a snowman and have a snowball fight. There was always a big tree in their big house with lots of pretty lights and ornaments. Presents stacked up under the tree so that Michelle could barely count them. Family would come up for Christmas and everything would be perfect. Michelle loved to spend the Christmas holiday around her cousin, Susan. Susan was full of light and energy and always gave Michelle the most creative gifts. This year, Michelle and her parents were staying in their cramped little apartment for Christmas. No yard to make snowmen, no friends to have snowball fights with, the big tree had been replaced by a little one, and the presents for each person could be counted on one hand. No family, no caroling, and no Susan. Michelle felt her eyes and nose burning and got a hold on her emotions before she cried. She didn't want her parents to see her cry. They would probably say that she
was being selfish. They would probably give a speech about how it's not the presents that matter. They would tell the story of the Baby Jesus for the millionth time, and Michelle didn't want to hear that. She was pretty sure that a baby born 2000 years ago couldn't possibly understand what she was going through.
When Michelle came home from the mall, she decided to write a letter to Susan. Susan would listen to her troubles and sympathize.
"Dear Susan," she wrote, "You can't imagine how much I wish I could see you this Christmas! It is going to be rotten staying here. Since mom stopped working full time, and Dad got the new job, the income has really dwindled. I miss all my friends in Denver. I haven't made any friends here yet, since I was only in school a week before it let out for Christmas. Now Christmas is only a week away and I don't want it to come! It's going to be a very depressing Christmas. I can count the presents for me on one hand.
I couldn't afford to get my mom any fancy jewelry like I've done in the past, so I had to make a necklace out of beads. I didn't have the money to get dad a tie so I had to make him a little paperweight. I wish you were coming!"
"Yours truly,"
"Michelle Walker"
Michelle put the letter in an envelope, addressed it, and gave it to her mother to mail the next day. She hoped Susan could cheer her up.
That Sunday, which was the last Sunday before Christmas, Michelle found it hard to sit still during the service. The pastor talked about how the poor baby in the manger would grow up to die on a cross for the sins of the nations. Michelle didn't see what was so important about Christmas 2000 years ago. To Michelle, it was a pretty little story, but nothing that was in it could possibly make her feel any better.