Goodrich/ Sordid Secrets/ Chapter 55/ Page 9

Goodrich/ Sordid Secrets/ Chapter 55/ Page 9

Chapter Fifty Five

It was bitterly cold outside as Nicolette took Simon’s hand and descended the carriage into the sloshy snow below her. How was it late spring with winter still obviously present? It had been a strange series of seasons. She was dressed in a fine wool and velvet trimmed dark green traveling cape with matching gloves and slippers. Something she would have never chosen for herself, but Simon had had made for her. Knowing the exorbitant expense of the garment, Nicolette didn’t want to get it wet from the remaining snow. She looked down at the white speckled dirt below her feet and carefully stepped around the small mounds of ice recently formed and the melted snow puddles that had most likely been there all day.

She now had to consider these things being Lady of Brinner. To be honest, Nicolette was more mindful of the hassle wet traveling apparel would cause her new ladies maids in cleaning and properly drying out the garments. She was not use to having a team of ladies following her every move and care. Moreover she was not yet use to having an equally large gaggle of ladies follow her daughter around all day. Simon had hired ladies to tend to Gretchen’s trunks, wellness, food, wardrobe and entertainment. It seemed excessive to Nicolette, but she could not fault Simon for looking out for their daughter. And yes, calling Gretchen their daughter was something else Nicolette was also trying to get use to.

The carriage had been a little overheated on the return from their trip to visit Simon’s brother in London back to Kent to briefly visit Stonefield before returning to Shavoness. It was the first trip Nicolette had taken since the traumatic birth of Gretchen; moreover, it was Gretchen’s first trek from Shavoness. She was growing so fast—nearing six months old. Her curling sable hair branded her as a Noble. Both Alex and Asher were overjoyed to see her hair start to grow in as dark as the notable Noble color. But her eyes were crystal blue—like her father’s. There was no mistaking her eyes as Avenry. The original Gretchen, Elliot and Colin Avenry all held those piercing light blue eyes.

Moreover, Gretchen tended to make the same faces as Colin. She would crunch her entire face when frustrated and even raise dark brow when intrigued—all in the mirror image of Colin. She slept like Colin. The sound of her breath while sleeping was the same rhythm as him—as smooth as a pendulum. Of course, only Nicolette knew these things, for she was the only one who had memorized Colin’s every gesture and mannerism—no matter how noticeable or quiet. Gretchen was too like Colin to disguise the link—as much as Nicolette wanted to. There was no way to fictitiously link her to Simon.

Nicolette wondered if Simon saw the distinguishable qualities in Gretchen that must have come from her real father. Nicolette knew that Simon had never met Colin, but Gretchen’s peculiarities must have come from somewhere, leaving the Avenry lineage the only choice. Simon must suspect Gretchen’s traits to be from her Avenry bloodline. But Simon never pointed it out, nor did he ever bring up the fact that Gretchen wasn’t his child. He was perfectly befitting the role as her father. Simon paid her difference as any man of title would. He checked in on her once a day, while leaving her tending to the nursemaids. This was more than Nicolette could hope for from a man of his stature.

But Simon seemed to be changed since the birth. The words of Nicolette’s brother, Alex, seemed to resonate within her. That Simon was hiding something. His attention to Nicolette had shifted from being as focused as a hunter to the mere span of a butterfly. At Shavoness, Nicolette felt as if they had been hugging the walls in order to avoid seeing each other, let alone speak to each other. There was little discourse between them since they had been married. They shared every meal together as well as a cold bed, though they had not shared anything else. What had changed so abruptly between them? Nicolette had felt it since Gretchen’s birth, though she could not find any defined questions to explore it. Was he disgusted by her as many married men became after their wives give birth? No, Simon still wanted her in his bed. There was no doubt in this as his eyes continued to grate over her as any lustful man had. He had accepted that Nicolette would need plenty of time to physically heal after such a traumatic birth, but for her, it would take more time to heal the missing piece within her. Simon did still dote upon her, though it was not with the same excitement as he had done before their marriage. He continually left trinkets and notes for her, but there was something in his eyes that had changed.

She knew she was wrong in everything that occurred in the past few weeks. Her actions were unpardonable. At first, Nicolette thought Simon a fool for taking her and her bastard child… but he couldn’t be. There must have been something else he wanted from her. He acted as if he were chivalrous, debasing himself by acting unphased by the gossip and scandals that surrounded her. He knew when he married her that she was spoiled, not in material goods but in reputation. But still he pursued her. She married Simon though she didn’t love him. But he knew that and so he was just as much to blame as she was, right? Nicolette hadn’t hidden what she was, especially once she had committed to Simon. But they were now bound together by the secret they shared.

Simon leaned over to her and flatly stated. “The ladies’ lodge is to your right. Take your time freshening up and I shall meet you back in the main lodge where we will go take some refreshments before we return to our travels.”

Nicolette instinctively turned to look for Gretchen.

“Do not fret. There is a separate room for children and maids. She will also join us in hall in just a few moments. Enjoy your privacy while you can, darling.” He brought her gloved hand up to his lips and ritually kissed it before departing.

Taking a deep breath, she let the frigid air fill her lungs, reviving her from the hazy lull of their travels. She hated stopping while in route, but knew that the roads had been so muddy that the horses must be changed before they proceeded to Dover. Nicolette had so often made this trip between London and the southern regions of Great Britain that she had probably stopped by this changing station tens of dozens of times. But this was her first time to stop here with a child and being married. For some reason, it made the routine of it different and more disconcerting. Before, Nicolette would simply have the horses changed while she swilled back a glass of wine and freshened up, but with a child it may be different—moreover, she did not know what Simon’s habits were in such a place. These were all things she must now learn.

Still overheated from the carriage, the mixture of rain and snow dotted her skin as she made her way into the dining hall from the ladies lodge. Entering the hall, she was overcome by the smell of roasting meats and warm ale. Simon stood just within the doorway with a light green handkerchief over his nose as if he were witness to rotting corpses. He motioned for her to head towards a small stairway that Nicolette knew led to a series of private rooms on the second floor. Once in a private room they were to have some light drinks and refreshments away from the common crowds of travelers.

An attendant stood at the top of the stairwell to guide them to a room. With a gut that barely fit the narrow hall, the man looked as if he most likely ate the remains of food from each of the well stocked rooms. He hesitated a moment as if he were buying time.

In a small but gruff voice, he said to Simon. “I beg your pardon, Earl, but a pair of gentlemen are just leaving this first room and then it shall be vacant for you and the Lady.”

Simon did not reply, refusing to debase himself to answer a mere servant—especially a man who would make them wait in a hallway. Suddenly the door of the room opened and two gentlemen in calf-length black coats and top hats stepped into the hall before them.

The breath left Nicolette.

He had not seen her, but Colin froze in the hall staring at Simon. Nicolette felt her husband immediately stiffen under her hold on his arm. It was the strangest look between them. Suddenly, her former lover’s clear blue eyes swept over from staring at Simon to her instead. He seemed to see her. Really see her. When they had last met at Kenton Park, before he knew of Gretchen, Colin stared right through her. But now he seemed to stare into her, as if he were weighing her very soul. Nicolette wondered if this was because of the physical changes she had recently gone through. Nicolette was still slender, but a touch more curvy and rounded. Voluptuous in her opinion. Also, this was most likely the first occasion that Colin had ever seen Nicolette dressed as a married lady of society, wearing a more conservative cut of dress—though of the finest fabrics and trim.

Nicolette felt as if she were to faint under his examination. Why wouldn’t he just continue on his way? Finally, she watched Colin take an overstated gasp of air as if he too had been holding his breath like her. She tried to take stock of herself and noticed that her hands were clutched tightly around Simon’s arm so that he must have lost feeling. But he had not moved or tried to break her intense exchange in the small hall. Why had Simon allowed her to literally immobilize them when he did not even know who had caused the impasse?

Suddenly behind her, Nicolette heard the army of ladies coming, most likely with Gretchen in their ranks. She panicked. Could Nicolette allow Colin to finally see his daughter? Simon was the first to react, pulling Nicolette abruptly forward to where she nearly lost her footing. Without even giving the common courtesy to either Colin and his companion, the Earl lead his wife to the room and sat her down on a long cushioned bench before a rustic wooden table. The ladies filed in behind them, the maid with Gretchen in her arms immediately sitting beside Nicolette so the child would be accessible to her mother.

Nicolette knew that Colin must have seen Gretchen in the stairwell. But did he realize it was her? Of course he knew. Who else would the child have been? Moreover, did he recognize himself in her? What did he feel when he saw her? Nicolette’s mind began to spin, but she quickly compartmentalized it all in order to focus on the problem at hand—that she was still in the same building as her husband, child and child’s real father.

Silence filled the room, though Nicolette felt something larger emanating from Simon, who had sat on the other side of her from Gretchen. She did not known what she felt from her husband. Was it because Simon knew that she had known the man in the hall, even if he had not known it was Sir Avenry? Or was it just her reaction to any man in the hallway?

Taking his arm with warm regard, she tried to make him confident and comfortable in her loyalty to him. Flashing him as sure of a smile as she could, Nicolette leaned up and pressed her lips to his. At first, Simon pulled her even closer, breathing her in passionately; but suddenly he pushed her away saying, “Darling, not in front of … well, not here.”

Nicolette allowed a blush to cross her cheeks. Simon smiled at the color. This was the assurance she needed to give him. Raising her small hand and gliding it across his rain-dampened light brown hair, she gazed into his eyes. “I need to take a moment more to refresh myself. I shall return before you can even order some tea for me.”

His eyes immediately darkened, but he did not say a word in reply.

Nicolette briskly rose from the bench and kissed him again on the forehead. His eyes closed on the gesture as if he were taking it in. Then she turned and repeated the move with Gretchen who was wiggling in the embrace of her nursemaid, Anne.

Taking a deep breath, Nicolette swept from the room to go confront her true target. Actually, she was going to go watch him distantly and hope he came to her. But doubt in her mind gnawed at her decision, knowing that Colin had abandoned her before so why wouldn’t he do the same now?

Before she even reached the stairs, Lord Marcus nearly collided with her on the top step. He had run up the stairs two at a time and she hadn’t even noticed it was him until he grabbed her arms to steady them both. It took a few moments for the two to grasp that it was the other in their presence. Nicolette was the first to speak. “Lord Garrison—”

“Are we still hosting formalities, Nicolette?”

“I suppose not.” She blushed, looking down at his hands clutching her still. Marc’s clasp quickly dropped and he too seemed embarrassed. The pair had been through so much, yet Nicolette still felt as if she did not really know the closest friend of Colin’s. She continued with a dim line of questioning. “So you were the one with Colin?”

He lightly—though slightly nervously – laughed. “Oh you noticed anyone else in the room? I assumed you and Colin only saw each other.”

“This is not an amusing situation, Marc.” She scolded. “I just wanted to come ask you which direction your party was headed.”
“Oh.” Marc seemed to be offset by her question. He nervously shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he seemed to want to dash back down the stairs. “So you do not know?”

“Know what?”

“We’re headed to Kenton Park. Colin and Tessa are to be married in two days.”

The world seemed to start crashing around her. As if the smell of cooking food, the heat of the lodge and her own thoughts were smothering her, Nicolette fell towards Marc as he quickly reached out to catch her. “Lady Brinner! Are you well? Should I call the Earl?”

The reality of her new name on Marc’s lips jolted her back from whatever shock she had withstood upon hearing of the marriage. So Colin was following Nicolette in the choice to marry for station and familial obligation. Each had chosen to follow their duty and politics instead of their hearts. They each had made alliances for their families, though each relationship was feigned. It was tragic.