IN GOOD COMPANY
GEORGE sits alone in the living/dining room, reading a newspaper, legs crossed. The living room contains a coffee table with figurine on it, drinks cabinet, dinner table/cutlery, curtains, fireplace, mahogany cabinet with pictures, carpet, paintings, mirror and coat stand. AOIFE enters (after fifth teen seconds)
AOIFE:Can you zip me up please darling?
(Haven’t been able to do that for twenty years) – GEORGE
GEORGE:(Stands up and puts paper down) Of course dear, of course, and may I be so bold as to say how delightful you’re looking this evening, my dear.
(Not that bloody florescent yellow dress again, I should have burnt it years ago) -GEORGE
AOIFE:You may…George; it never surprises me what good taste I
have.
GEORGE:No dear…nor me.
(GEORGE zips up dress and sits back down, picks up paper)
AOIFE:Thank you dear, such rough hands you seem to have developed from somewhere…it’s definitely not from hard work.
GEORGE:Really dear?
AOIFE:Do you want to use one of my hand creams?
GEORGE:I’m quite all-right thank you.
AOIFE:Ooh remember the time you bought me this dress in Venice on our fifteenth wedding anniversary.
(It was either that or no sex) -GEORGE
GEORGE:Yes dear fondly.
AOIFE:Ooohh it was such a wonderful holiday, such a long time ago really, very reasonably priced, as I seem to remember.
(Cost me a damn fortune is what I seem to remember) -GEORGE
(AOIFE starts playing with her jewellery,walkstowards mirror)
AOIFE:(Tossing hair)How does my hair look darling? Monsieur Bellaire at the salon set it for me today, only cost three hundred euros.
(Three hundred euros!) –GEORGE
GEORGE:(Ruffling paper) Yes very nice dear, suits you perfectly, a bargain…
AOIFE:You’re not even looking.
GEORGE:No dear.
AOIFE:Well…I deserve it…I was considering getting a body wax as well, but I was in SUCH a rush…AND I had to go to the boutique.
(A moustache wax would have helped) -GEORGE
GEORGE:Whatever you like dear, whatever you like.
(AOIFE walks over to GEORGE)
AOIFE:(Looking down at paper) Anything interesting in the paper today?
GEORGE:Nothing really dear.
AOIFE:Nothing about our dinner party in the gossip columns.
GEORGE:We’re not that important.
AOIFE:Don’t put yourself down GEORGE, one should always hope.
Silence.
AOIFE:I do so want to make a good impression this evening, especially with Ethan coming.
GEORGE:You will dear, you will, I’ve full confidence in you; you’re a natural when it comes to parties.
AOIFE:(Playing with jewellery) I am aren’t I?…I’m really looking forward to tonight, being the host and chief entertainer as it were…it’s been a while since we’ve had guests round.
(Not bloody surprising, after your shenanigans the last time) –GEORGE
AOIFE:I haven’t seen Tara and Ryan properly for ages, and I want to show her MY new kitchen.
GEORGE:You must dear.
AOIFE:(Playing with hair)You don’t think I’ve gone a bit too overboard tonight do you?…overdone it a little.
GEORGE:No no dear, you look marvellous, as you always do (Doesn’t look up).
AOIFE:I really don’t know whether to believe you or not, you’re no help, no help at all.
(My bank balance is though) -GEORGE
GEORGE:Yes dear.
(AOIFE walks towards coffee table picks up figurine looks at it admiringly, puts it down, and heads towards dinner table and starts re-arranging cutlery)
AOIFE:I do put on a lovely spread if I say so myself.
(I can’t remember the last time I saw YOUR spread) -GEORGE
AOIFE:Are you daydreaming again over there George?
GEORGE:You do dear, you do, divine spread.
AOIFE:(Looking at watch)Those bloody caterers should be here by now. I wonder where they are? I left explicit instructions with them, several times.
GEORGE:I bet you did.
AOIFE:What was that?
GEORGE:I’m sure you did.
AOIFE:(Anxious) On the phone now to them George with haste, give them a call, tell them I’m waiting.
GEORGE:Don’t panic dear, don’t panic, I’m sure they’ll be here shortly.
AOIFE:If they think they have the audacity to arrive after MY guests have come, there will be serious trouble…I am warning you.
GEORGE:Yes dear (Looks up)…by the way what have you organised for this evenings delight.
AOIFE:Wait till the guests come, I’ll explain then, no point in repeating myself now is there?
GEORGE:No dear, none what so ever.
Silence.
AOIFE:When is Ethan coming?
GEORGE:Around 8.15 he said.
AOIFE:And Tara and Ryan?
GEORGE:8.00.
AOIFE:Good, good (Goes back to mirror). You and Ryan are still friends, aren’t you?
GEORGE:Y…E…S.
AOIFE:I don’t want any trouble or childish bickering tonight, on MY special night…understand George.
GEORGE:Yes dear, everything will be just fine, trust me.
AOIFE:I bet you haven’t got the slightest clue about how much trouble I’ve gone to have you?
GEORGE:No dear.
AOIFE:It is not easy finding time to make calls, organise caterers, shop, AND look this beautiful.
GEORGE:No dear I don’t know how you do it.
(AOIFE walks towards GEORGE)
AOIFE:You never did really tell me how Ryan responded to you getting that Chief Executive position over him.
GEORGE:Surprisingly well (Looks up), even shook my hand and congratulated me.
AOIFE:Really!
GEORGE:Yes, damn decent fellow that Ryan.
AOIFE:But he was forever going on about that promotion, remember you were telling me.
GEORGE:Poor Ryan.
AOIFE:How he was sure he was going to get it, (Half laugh) the plans he had for the company, what he was going to do with all the extra income and perks.
GEORGE:Was he dear?
AOIFE:Tara even had the impudence to ring me up and tell me that they were planning a Safari holiday.
GEORGE:Did she…the cheek?
AOIFE:I’m sure she only did it just to make me jealous, little did she know we’d already been on one.
(Both laugh)
GEORGE:No, no, I assure you, everything is fine at the office, tip-top.
AOIFE:I wish you’d tip-top up out of that seat and do something.
GEORGE:Do what dear?
AOIFE:Anything, ring the caterers…do something.
(GEORGE continues reading paper; AOIFE walks back to table, and around it)
AOIFE:(Talking to herself) Ethan will sit here…Tara and Ryan here…me here of course…and YOU bone-idle here.
GEORGE:Whatever you wish dear, I’m leaving it all in your capable hands.
AOIFE:You’ve no choice.
GEORGE:Quite right dear.
(AOIFE starts walking around room, thinking)
Silence.
AOIFE:Are you completely sure everything’s fine between you two?
GEORGE:Positive, relax dear.
AOIFE:He was so sure he would get it.
GEORGE:I know, but as they say, the best man won.
AOIFE:Indeed YOU DID.
GEORGE:(Looks up) By the way what did you spend my bonus on?
AOIFE:Oh some mediocre health spa in Ballyside.
GEORGE:What, all €10,000 of it?
AOIFE:Of course, and one or two other things as well. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t be going back there again in a hurry.
(Thank God for that) -GEORGE
AOIFE:Didn’t take too much to the clientele, a lot of tans from England I think.
(Tans in for a tan, how novel) -GEORGE
(Doorbell rings)
AOIFE:Good, good the caterers are here, quick, quick on your feet George; make haste (AOIFE clapping her hands).
(GEORGE acts like a dog whilst walking towards door; tongue hanging out, hands up in the air)
AOIFE:None of your Tom Foolery tonight, you hear?
GEORGE:Yes dear.
(Exit GEORGE)
(AOIFE rushes to mirror, fiddles with hair, starts humming/
singing)
Silence.
(GEORGE and WAN HUNG LO (WHL) enter chatting)
AOIFE:Who the hell are you?
GEORGE:I’m your husband dear.
(WAN HUNG LO bows)
AOIFE:No, no that fella behind you.
WHL:Me!
AOIFE:Yes you!
WHL:Me…me alone.
AOIFE:ALONE!
WHL:(Looking around/bowing) Yes.
AOIFE:No, no, your name, your name.
GEORGE:If I could interject dear, there appears to be a slight technical problem, we seem to have lost one of the caterers.
AOIFE:Lost one, what on the N6 or something?
WHL:Me friend sick, no come to party…ello…you like?
AOIFE:How dare he be sick on MY party night…this is just not good enough, I need at least two professional caterers for one of MY functions. I gave you two-week’s full notice and this is how they treat ME of all people. Down right inconsiderate, unacceptable! How dare they!
WHL:(Throws hands in the air) What I do?
AOIFE:You do plenty tonight…believe me! and you can be sure that I’ll be speaking directly to Stephano first thing tomorrow.
WHL:He go holiday.
(Oh dear don’t encourage her) – GEORGE
AOIFE:Are you deliberately trying to annoy me little man?
WHL:(Looks dumb) Velly good.
Silence.
(WAN HUNG LO starts to take his shoes off)
AOIFE:No you bloody wont.
(WAN HUNG LO smiles, puts shoes back on)
(I wouldn’t smile if I was you) - GEORGE
AOIFE:I take it you have come with the specific menu that I’ve ordered haven’t you?
WHL:Yes, food, yes. (Nods head/smiles/bows)
(WAN HUNG LO looks around the room)
(Nice house, plenty of tips, me thinks) – WAN HUNG LO
AOIFE:And do not think you will be getting your little grubby hands on my prized possessions
(He’s not the only one) – GEORGE
AOIFEI will be watching you.
(WAN HUNG LO smiles/nods head)
AOIFE:Well go get the food man, go on, out (pointing) I am not waiting all evening.
(Pulls face.) (What awful dress she wear) – WAN HUNG LO
WHL:Yes, Yes (Nods head/smiles/bows, starts walking away)…ar…(Raises finger) need little helpie.
AOIFE:Helpie, the cheek, I’ll give you a damm good skellpie, if you don’t
bloody hurry up.
GEORGE:Calm down dear, calm down, and relax.
WHL: This first party me ever do.
AOIFE:THE FIRST!
(The last I think) - GEORGE
AOIFE:Just give him a hand and watch him George…got it?…watch him very carefully.
GEORGE:His name is “WAN HUNG LO”.
AOIFE:FOOD!
GEORGE:Yes dear.
(WAN HUNG LO nods/smiles/bows and exits with GEORGE)
(AOIFE walks around living room, checking drinks
cabinet, cutlery again. Deliberately stands in the middle of the living room)
Silence.
(WAN HUNG LO enters first, stops, looks confused, carrying a very big covered platter)
AOIFE:(Shouts/pointing)That way man, that way.
(She no fun…I think she BIG trouble)- WAN HUNG LO
WHL:Velly good, velly good, you like?
(AOIFE raises hand as if to slap him)
(WAN HUNG LO exits)
(GEORGE enters with small covered platter)
GEORGE:Good God this is heavy…what on earth have you ordered dear?
AOIFE:(Points) Kitchen!
GEORGE:Yes dear
(GEORGE exits)
Silence.
(WAN HUNG LO enters and exits very quickly)
Silence.
(WAN HUNG LO enters with another large covered platter flying through room skidding, nearly drops platter)
WHL:Hottie, Hottie!
AOIFE:(Pointing to kitchen)Quickie, Quickie
(AOIFEgoes to pour herself a drink. GEORGE enters)
GEORGE:I need to have a lie down dear, the weight!
AOIFE:(Pointing) Door!
GEORGE:(Wearily) Yes dear.
(GEORGE exits)
Silence.
(AOIFE stillstood in middle of floor; GEORGE enters with even smaller platter, holding his back)
GEORGE:Only a few left dear…
(AOIFE ignores him)
…everything okee, dokee dear?
(AOIFE still ignores him)
(GEORGE exits. AOIFE drinking. Silence. GEORGE and WAN HUNG LOenter chatting laughing both exit)
Silence.
(WAN HUNG LOenters with large platter looking worried and quickly exits. GEORGE enters with small platter and exits)
Silence.
(GEORGE enters)
GEORGE:I need to sit down dear, really I do. (Holding back) My backs in bits.
AOIFE:Let me get you a drink.
(GEORGElooks very surprised)
GEORGE:That would be nice dear and unusual.
AOIFE:Don’t be so cheeky…George. I’m not going to let that earlier escapade
annoy me, I won’t, not tonight…wine dear?
GEORGE:Yes please.
(GEORGElooks even more surprised AOIFE goes to drinks cabinet))
AOIFE:Now go and sit yourself down and we’ll have a
private drink to celebrate your promotion. One happy couple
GEORGE:Very thoughtful dear…are you well?
(AOIFE brings over full bottle of wine to coffee table, both sit down AOIFEpours)
AOIFE:Now since you mentioned thoughts.
(Oh dear) – GEORGE
AOIFE:I was thinking, just the other day, when I was fortunate enough to be walking past “Continental Exclusive Travels”
(That’s in the next parish) – GEORGE
GEORGE:Were you dear? (Takes quick sip)
AOIFE:When I was labouring with those heavy shopping bags.
(GUCCHI or ARMANI) -GEORGE
AOIFE:And I just happened to notice a spectacular European cruise holiday
ON OFFER.
(GEORGE takes a big sip)
GEORGE:How fortunate dear.
AOIFE:Yes, and you’ll never believe what a stroke of good fortune was displayed in the window.
(Shop closed for lunch) – GEORGE
GEOFGE:No dear but I’m sure you will tell me.
AOIFE:An offer just too good to miss…for both of us.
GEORGE:Too good for the both of us dear?
AOIFE:You know I’ve always wanted to go on one, you know that don’t you? and you have promised.
GEORGE:Did I dear? (GEORGE takes a big sip)
AOIFE:Yes you did and well you know. I have been very patient. It’s just something I’ve always wanted.
(You’ve always wanted a lot of things) -GEORGE
GEORGE:I thought we were just having a congratulations drink….my promotion remember?
AOIFE:Oh hickeldy, pickeldy, that old thing, now listen…
(It was great news a week ago) –GEORGE
(WAN HUNG LOenters/bows/walks round table/arranging cutlery AOIFE and GEORGE don’t see him)
AOIFE:Now all I have to do since I have all the brochures is just ring them up and book it, obviously I’ll have to purchase a new range of suitable attire, but that shouldn’t be a problem…
(GEORGE takes another big sip)
…those cruises can be very demanding on a ladies wardrobe.
GEORGE:Can they dear? To be honest I’m not sure that I’ll be able to get any time off.
AOIFE:Don’t worry about a thing, all is in hand. I’ll just have a little word with Ethan this evening…I’m sure he’ll understand.
GEORGE:(Anxious) No dear, please don’t, I can’t really be making any requests or demands in my new position and so soon, it wouldn’t be fair.
AOIFE:Don’t you worry, leave it with me (AOIFE pats GEORGEon shoulder)
I’ll sort it ALL out.
(My God the last time you sorted anything out properly Bertie Ahern was a schoolboy) -GEORGE
GEORGE:No dear please just leave it for tonight, please.
AOIFE:Can’t plans are already in motion…the thing is…
WHL: (Walks over, rubbing hands) Dinkies time now for me?
AOIFE:What the…(off-stage Church bells)…get the hell back into that kitchen
GEORGE:Aoife please are guests will be here shortly.
WHL: Solly solly, maybe dinkies later, if you like?
AOIFE:Out
(WHL exits)
AOIFE:Give me patience.
(AOIFE takes drink)
GEORGE:Everybody justs wants a nice quiet peaceful evening.
AOIFEAnd so do I…now where was I…yes…this delightful cruise sales from Rome to Athens, Barcelona and Cannes.
GEORGE: Does it dear?
AOIFE: Aboard the Expo Miracle
( I think I need one of them) –GEORGE
GEORGE:How much does it cost dear.
AOIFE: 3000 Dollars
GEORGE: 3000DOLLARS!
AOIFE: Per person
GEORGE:PER PERSON!
AOIFE:Well we want an ocean view now don’t we?
GEORGE:Do we?
AOIFE:Not stuck somewhere in a room in the interior.
GEORGE:No dear.
AOIFE:I was looking at the rooms with a balcony, but I thought better not.
GEORGE: (Wipes forehead) Thank God for that.
AOIFE: I won’t bore you with the details concerning airfares and taxes.
GEORGE:No dear.
AOIFE: It is the peak time.
GEORGE:Peak time indeed.
AOIFE:Imagine 12 glorious days.
GEORGE:12!
AOIFE:I am really looking forward to all the on shore excursions we’ll have.
(I’m trying not to) -GEORGE
AOIFE: That on board experience, you just can’t beat it.
GEORGE: It’s not the only thing.
AOIFE:WHAT!
GEORGE:What’ll I bring?
AOIFE: Yourself of course and your wallet.
GEORGE:Thanks
AOIFE:I promise not to bother with the spa too much
GEORGE:Thank you dear
AOIFE: I was thinking of you you know.
GEORGE:Were you dear?
AOIFE:Yes there is a putting green on board
GEORGE:How thoughtful dear.
AOIFE:I won’t ask either for too many on board gifts.