> Reality therapy. Let's assume in this particular counseling session that this is the 3rd session as a reality therapist that I'm working with, Stan. In the prior 2 meetings Stan has talked a lot about what he wants and what he's doing in everyday life and what direction his actions are leading him. Are his actions helping him get what he wants in life or is it hindering him from getting what he wants? What he's doing, is it helping or hurting? And a very important part that we've already done in the last 2 meetings is looking at him evaluating in a non-critical sort of way, but assessing what he's doing to determine if there's anything he wants to do differently. So we've looked at his needs, his basic human needs to see if what he's doing is getting him closer to that or not. And in this session we're going to be focusing on planning.
[ Silence ]
> Stan, the last couple of meetings we've been looking at what your needs are and what you want in life, and then, you know, I've been harping away to ask you what are you doing. We've been focusing a lot on your behaviors.
> Stan: Right.
> And we've been talking a lot about that. So when you want to talk about feelings I say, what are you doing, and I asked you a number of times in the last couple of meetings what direction your doing is taking you. Is it helping you achieve the goals you want --.
> Stan: Right.
> -- or not, and we've been looking at the evaluation piece too. You know, is there anything in your current behavior that you would like to change and modify? And I remember last week you said, yes, there is something I want to change. Do you remember what that was about?
> Stan: Well, I just know that I've been feeling really down a lot.
> You say down.
> Stan: Yeah, kind of -- I don't know, depressed and I think it has a lot to do with kind of how I feel in my body. I don't feel very comfortable. I'm not very satisfied with the way things are going.
> Right. Well, I notice you said I'm depressed a lot and I'm down. I wonder if you could try something out. What would it be like if you said I'm depressing rather than I'm depressed? Try that on.
> Stan: Okay. I'm depressing a lot. Yeah, I just feel really down just low energy, all that stuff.
> Okay. I don't want to make a big deal of that but I think when we say I'm depressed that's something that's happening to us and if it's a passive state then there's not much we can do to change it, and I'm hoping you can see that if you're depressing that's something, in a non-blaming sort of way, that maybe you're doing or not doing.
> Stan: Right.
> Now, you were just saying you're sluggish, you don't like your body, you're low energy.
> Stan: Yeah.
> And I wonder what you're doing to maybe to contribute to that.
> Stan: I'm doing a lot of nothing.
> A lot of nothing.
> Stan: Yeah.
> What's that?
> Stan: Kind of -- the only thing that I am doing is going to school and then come home --.
> And how do you get to school? Do you jog to school?
> Stan: No, I drive.
> You drive.
> Stan: I drive to school.
> Okay, so you say I'm doing a lot of nothing.
> Stan: Yeah.
> Physically are you doing much?
> Stan: No, certainly less than I used to. I mean I used to play basketball a lot. I used to ride bikes.
> Well, you hinted at that last week and said you're really ready to do something different, and I thought today we would do a lot more with planning.
> Stan: Okay.
> Helping you create a plan. And you said that that I don't like my body, I don't like the way I feel.
> Stan: Right.
> And I hope you can see that maybe you can do something about that by you do differently.
> Stan: Right. Yeah, I mean I certainly can see that I need to be doing something --.
> Okay.
> Stan: -- differently than what I am doing.
> And you mentioned basketball.
> Stan: Right, yeah.
> And what would that do for you if you did basketball?
> Stan: Well, certainly, I mean it's fun. I really enjoy playing basketball a lot.
> Okay.
> Stan: You know, maybe I can make new friends playing basketball.
> So --.
> Stan: I think I'd feel -- you know, I'd get back in shape, at least, if I played it regularly.
> So it sounds like there are at least 3 things playing basketball would do for you. First, it would be fun, and you said you don't do enough fun things in your life and that's a need. Secondly, it would get you in connection with people, which you say you like because you isolate too much. And thirdly, it might help, if you do it enough, to change your shape, to get you in physical shape.
> Stan: Right.
> How's that?
> Stan: Yeah. No, it sounds good. I think -- I don't know why I stopped playing I just did.
> Yeah. Now, we could go on and on and think about all the why's, why you stopped, but let's think about tomorrow.
> Stan: Okay.
> Let's think about today. What are you going to do to follow through with that? Would you like to do something with basketball?
> Stan: Yeah, I'd love to start playing again.
> Okay, how could that happen?
> Stan: I'm probably not very good now but I'd still like to play.
> Okay, but I hope you wouldn't evaluate how your performance.
> Stan: Okay.
> How could you start it?
> Stan: I don't know, I could look up -- I'm sure there are leagues around town I could check into. I know every time when I'm walking from the parking lot to class I see guys over by the dorms playing a pick-up game. I could maybe see if I could, you know, join the pick-up game. Come to school a little earlier and, you know, play a little basketball or something beforehand.
> Okay, so let's work on an action plan.
> Stan: Okay.
> What's your first step in that? Walk to class.
> Stan: Right, I'm walking to class. I think the first step would be just to kind of maybe approach the guys and see if, you know, see if I could sit in and play.
> Okay. Are you willing to do that this week?
> Stan: Sure.
> Okay, what day would you do that?
> Stan: Well, I'm on class -- I have classes on Wednesdays so I would do it on Wednesdays.
> So you're going --.
> Stan: On Wednesday, this Wednesday.
> Okay, you're going to approach at least.
> Stan: Right.
> And how often would you like to be playing basketball?
> Stan: Well, I could play at school, maybe join a league. I think league you play once a week plus practices, so probably 3 or 4 times a week.
> Okay, -is that realistic? Do you think you'd be willing to carry that out 3 or 4 times a week? Would you have enough time for that?
> Stan: I think so, yeah, certainly for the league. I might not be able to make the pick-up game happen just because it's -- I don't know if I can make that work with class, but --.
> Okay, so what days would you be doing that?
> Stan: Well, I don't know I'd have to check with the league, but, typically, when I was in the league before you practice a couple times and then you have a game once a week.
> Right.
> Stan: On a Saturday night or a Friday night or something like that.
> Right. So I hope you'll start that and do it at least a minimal number of times --.
> Stan: Sure.
> -- 3 times or more.
> Stan: Yeah, I can check into that. I mean I can check into that tonight, find out.
> Good. So you're willing to try that tonight?
> Stan: Yeah, yeah, I can do that.
> Good.
> Stan: And that'd be good.
> Oh, I think it would be. But is there anybody that can help you when you get stalled?
> Stan: Well, I do -- you know, I have a couple of friends from the job when I used to work construction that I've stayed in contact with, so maybe one of those guys would want to join with me.
> Okay, because --.
> Stan: Join the league together.
> It always helps to have a source of support outside of yourself. Now, I think one thing when we plan we want to think of things you can do independent of somebody else doing it. Now, if the other guys aren't playing basketball that may go by the wayside, so is there some form of exercise you'd want to do that doesn't depend on anybody else?
> Stan: I like riding bicycles. I, you know, wouldn't mind getting into biking.
> Is that too much to do in the next week or 2, start basketball and all?
> Stan: Well, all that together, yeah, I think that's a lot, but I could certainly do one or the other.
> Yeah.
> Stan: I think basketball's probably what I'd more -- I'd rather do.
> Okay.
> Stan: Start off with.
> That's what's really important.
> Stan: Yeah.
> Doing something that you like and doing it on a regular basis.
> Stan: I think that's why a league would be good.
> And how do you imagine you'd be when you're playing basketball with respect to being down or depressed or depressing?
> Stan: Well, I would certainly have something to look forward to.
> Okay.
> Stan: I think I would look forward to the practices. I would look forward to, you know, the games especially.
> Right.
> Stan: I think I could even -- if I don't get a bicycle I could even, you know, at least shoot some hoops on my own just to, you know, get my shooting skills down.
> And be moving your body too.
> Stan: Yeah.
> Which is something you've been wanting to do but put off. Uh huh, yeah. Do you think you're worth that kind of time, because it's going to take some time?
> Stan: Yeah, oh, yeah, it's just a question of me getting off my rump and doing it.
> And what'll help you get off your rump and actually doing it, because, you know, we've been stressing that?
> Stan: I think, well, part of it is if I tell you that I'm going to do it by next week then that kind of helps push me a little bit to know that I'm going to be reporting back to you whether I did it or not and that, I think, that helps.
> Right, right, and you know I don't accept excuses.
> Stan: [laughing]
> Not that it was too hot or too cold.
> Stan: [laughing] Yeah, I know you don't; that's true.
> Right, and I wouldn't want to make --.
> Stan: I don't get away with much around you.
> Okay, is that okay?
> Stan: Yeah, that's fine; that's good.
> You don't want me to let you get away with much do you?
> Stan: No, no that's good.
> Yeah, but I think it's important that really what you're committing to is something you really want to do.
> Stan: Yes, no, it is it's something that I've been thinking about a lot.
> Yeah.
> Stan: And just not --.
> Because a lot of times we get into something that we really don't like and it's somebody else's thing for us, so I think that's good that you kind of get some momentum going and doing it. And my guess is it would be hard to feel down when you're playing basketball.
> Stan: Oh, yeah, and, also, I think the other part of it is just even after the games and practices, you know, we usually go out with the guys and hang out, get some dinner, or something like that, so I think that part would be good too.
> Okay, so next week we'll check in to see how this went.
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> In this session of reality therapy we demonstrated the planning part of therapy, which is really a crucial ingredient. We can talk a long time about what people are feeling and thinking and doing, but what's really crucial if we're going to change is that the client says I want to change this and let's make a plan. So I wanted to be sure in this session that it was Stan's plan and something he wanted to commit to. And I think you get the basic idea that I wanted him to think about how he's going to implement this basketball piece into his daily life, and it's going to serve a number of needs for fun, for connection with others, and for health. And, again, I think plans really need to be refined and tweaked so that, you know, the client has a pretty good success chance when they actually take it out of the room. And, again, I want to caution you or encourage you to look at the chapter where we talk in great detail about plans and what constitutes an effective plan.