Post work assignment – trainers’ resource BHA Funeral Celebrants’ Training – Stage 3V1.2
HOMEWORK following Part 3 Technical Training – Funerals
Task
· Please prepare a complete humanist funeral ceremony for the attached subject
· Create a full working script – the version you would use in the crematorium – for a cremation with a committal
· Create a family script – the version you would give or send to the family after the ceremony as a keepsake
· Chose three pieces of music, to suit this subject
· Chose appropriate readings/poetry
Please e-mail the scripts to your tutor within TWO WEEKS. Your tutor will return a marked copy within a further TWO WEEKS.
You may find, after reading the notes, that you would like further information about the subject. However, you should aim to work with the material provided. This is not a test of imagination!
The funeral director has confirmed that there is a 30 minute slot at the Crematorium.
Family visit with Simon’s parents, sister Jenny, brother Jack and Nan, Mary.
Simon Gray was 24 years old. He died a few days ago from hepatitis which he contracted in Namibia where he was doing a two-year International Volunteering project. He became ill just last month and arrived back in England just 2 weeks ago. His family were with him at the hospital when he died.
Simon’s father, Charles [Chas] is a car mechanic, his mother, Sue works in the office at the local secondary school.
His sister Jenny is 21; she is a hairdresser. She wishes to speak at the ceremony; her speech will be provided.
Their brother Jack works in the local leisure centre as a gym attendant. He has very little to say at the family visit but you do discover that the boys were close and shared football and music.
The family live in Peterborough in a semi-detached house which has been the family home throughout the children’s lives. They have a dog - Peck - and a cat – Rebock. There are lots of photographs around of all of the children, many taken in Cromer where the family has a caravan.
Simon is the only member of the family to have gone to university; they are very proud of this and of his commitment to helping people in developing countries. He studied politics at Sheffield and many of his university friends are expected at the funeral.
Simon’s girlfriend, Kharla, has flown from Namibia for the funeral; she is a doctor and is expecting their child. She would like some African music to be played some time in the ceremony. Chas and Sue visited Simon in Africa six months ago, before he became ill. They were warmly welcomed by Kharla’s family and have now welcomed her into their home.
Simon has a paternal grandmother – Mary. She has been very close to him and is finding it hard to come to terms with. She ‘blames’ Africa for his death and you suspect that she has negative feelings for Kharla. Her memories are of Simon and his brother when they were young. She looked after them when their mother worked and has memories of them being very close, very competitive and endlessly playing football together. Simon frequently sent postcards to his Nan telling her about his life in the village where he was working.
He also has a paternal grandfather – Tom, who spent some time in Africa during his national service. He has always talked to the children about this as a very positive experience and it seems that Simon admired his grandad and was influenced or inspired by him.
Grandad has attended a humanist funeral ceremony in the past. Nan is the only family member who has any religious faith.
Chas and Sue are keen that Simon’s values about cultural exchange and sustainable development in Africa are included in the ceremony. They are very proud of him. They want to promote Fair Trade as that was part of the project he was working on.
Chas, Simon and Jack have been lifelong supporters of Peterborough United Football Club. They all went to the match every Saturday from when the boys were very young. Simon became a seriously good footballer and almost became professional but didn’t quite make it. He captained the local team for a number of years, coming back to play most Sundays when he was at University. Jack is still playing for that same local team.
Kharla has told the family about Simon coaching and managing a team of young players in Namibia. They managed to get into a league and won the championship last year. He was very popular with the young players and they are holding a memorial match for him on the day of the funeral.
Grandad has said that he would be willing to read a piece of poetry or prose if you could find something which they all agree is suitable.
The family has provided a lunch for everybody at the Plough and Harrow which is where the football team always meets. They would like everybody to join them there and want all of the young people to feel comfortable to talk freely and openly about Simon. They would like Kharla to get to know as many of his friends as possible.
Jenny’s tribute:
My brother Simon…what do I say? When I was a kid he was my best friend - he has always been a part of my life, we were always together a really close knit family. You all know how hard this is for us. But we are going to get through it because Simon was so bloody brilliant and set us such a wonderful example by being himself and living his life according to his values.
While the rest of us were thinking about how we looked or making money or getting better cars and all that stuff, he was getting into politics. He wanted to give his time and energy to people less fortunate and was happy to dig a ditch for villagers in Africa to help them build a better village and improve the quality of their lives. I suppose that the way he died was the way he would have liked to have gone – doing something important to help people who needed his help.
I remember Simon buying me a crate of Body Shop stuff when I was 14 – he’d decided that fair trade and non-animal tested toiletries were what I should be using and he was just starting to get very political. I reckon he wanted his teenage sister to smell of something a little more interesting than Boots 17 when his mates came round – that’s probably why Dave my first boyfriend and I got together - because I smelt like a vanilla ice cream.
Jack and I weren’t studious like Simon – he really was the brains in our family – the thoughtful one who decided that life didn’t begin and end in Peterborough. When he went to Sheffield we were all so proud of him – the first person in the Gray family to make it to university. When he graduated with a brilliant degree we all behaved really well at the ceremony and got dressed up and all that stuff and then went completely bonkers afterwards – I think my hangover lasted a week – it was all Simon’s fault but I enjoyed every minute of it, especially when Dad and Jack pushed Simon and I into the river.
The last time I went to the caravan at Cromer with Simon was just before he left for his stint with VSO so about two years ago – we went with Claire and Gav and had a brilliant time – one night we’d been out for a drink or ten and were sitting outside discussing the meaning of life – Simon said ‘you know what Jen – I really admire you for setting up your own business and all that – I just couldn’t do it – I don’t have the business head for it’. And it was the greatest compliment my bright and brilliant brother who got a first in politics could give me.
When Simon wrote to say he had met a brilliant young doctor called Kharla and that he thought he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her – I knew that anyone Simon spoke about like that would be very special indeed. I’m so glad Kharla is here today and I am so glad that Simon and she decided to have children together. When their child is born there will be a little bit of Simon somewhere in the world and that is a real comfort to my mum and dad, nan and granddad and Jack and me.
Bye Simon my brilliant brother – we’ll always remember you and we’ll always love you.
1