Darkness Falls - Melissa GoodPrinted: 12/27/18
Standard Disclaimer - These characters, most of them, belong to Universal, and Renaissance Pictures, and whoever else has a stake in Xena: Warrior Princess. This is written just in fun, and no copyright infringement was intended.
Specific Story Disclaimers:
Violence – Violence - yes, there will be violence of a moderately graphic nature in this story.
Emotional distress - I have to put in a disclaimer here for this, because this story, unlike most of my other stories, is an extremely dark one. There is not a whole lot of humor here, and most everyone ends up not being happy through most of the story. IF you're looking for a warm and fuzzy tale, this ain't it. You might want to give this one a miss.
Subtext - As in all my stories, this one is based on the premise of two people who are very much in love with each other. They happen to both be women. There is no graphically depicted action here.. but if the thought of this gives you a problem, find a different story to read. There are lots of very good general fiction Xena stories that can be found on Xeno's page.
I'm not offering any goodies for the phobes this time round. But if you feel like I've beaten you over the head with angst in this one, then send me your snail mail address, and I'll forward over some Girl Scout Original Mint cookies, and some milk. That always makes me feel better.
Any and all comments are always welcome. You can email them to:
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Darkness Falls
By Melissa Good
Part 1
It was a quiet campsite. The ring of trees around it shielded it's inhabitants from the worst of the evening wind, but little whirls kept the fire snapping fitfully, and stirred the leaves which shifted against each other as though whispering secrets.
Outside the fire's ring of light, a horse cropped grass idly, her golden coat catching barest hints of silver as she moved in and out of the moonlight, searching for tastier clumps of grass. Every once in a while, her head would lift, and she would turn her round, liquid eyes towards the two women seated within the camp, then go back to chewing.
A reddish blond woman sat cross-legged nearer the fire, with a bound parchment balanced on her bare legs. She wore a dun colored wraparound skirt, with an intricately tooled belt, and a brief leaf green halter-top, which matched the color of her eyes.
Across from her was a much taller, dark haired woman dressed in dark brown leather, whose attention was focused intently on a bit of brass armor being reshaped in her hands. A low rattle sounded from near the fire, and she glanced up, then put her task down and stood, walking to the fire and dropping down to a crouch, taking up a small pot of boiling water and pouring it's contents into two mugs balanced on a flat rock.
She paused, waiting patiently for the herbs to steep, and using the fragrance lifting from the brew to judge it's readiness. After a few minutes, she stirred a bit of honey into both, and stood, crossing to where the fair haired woman sat, and handing down the cup.
Gabrielle looked up and took the offered tea, with a tentative smile. "Thanks."
Xena smiled back, and nodded, then went back to her spot, and picked up the armor bit again, settling down on the ground with a soft sigh.
Very aware of the green eyes that watched her. And of the silence.
Gabrielle gazed sadly at her firelit companion, then put her cup down, and resumed her quill, staring down at her diary unhappily, rereading her recently finished entry.
I don't worry about Tartarus much, anymore. They can't come up with anything worse than what I.. what we've been through this time.
I'm not going to sit here and assign blame.. it would be useless, and I think we both know that. I made some really bad decisions, she made some really bad decisions.
We paid for it. Dearly.
We gave up peace, and happiness, a good part of both of our souls, and very probably.. a unique friendship. The only thing left is the love between us. But we paid a big price for that, too.
Because every time I look at her, it hurts. To know what we did to each other, how it felt. What I felt. What we lost.
She will never trust me again. Oh.. sure, for most things. Day to day stuff, normal stuff, sure. But when I look into her eyes, I don't see into her soul like I used to. Now there are barriers there against me, and the worst thing is, I can't blame her for them.
As for me.. well, there's no safe place anymore, is there? The one thing I knew… I KNEW.. that I believed in more than anything else.. was that she would never knowingly hurt me.
She has. With a brutality that I always knew she was capable of, but swore, in the depths of my soul I would never seen turned against me…and I was wrong. I've never been afraid of her, but now I am, and she knows it.
I see it in her eyes when she looks at me. It hurts when I remember when there used to be laughter lurking back there. When I remember calling her my playmate. When she used to smile, and tickle me just because.
Not any more. We're very.. careful.. with each other. Like there's something really fragile, that might break.
We love each other. That's about the only thing I have left. I'm glad that survived, but sometimes that makes it even worse because I can remember what it used to be like between us, and now..
I miss my best friend.
I wonder if we'll ever find that again.
She closed the diary, and set her quill down on it, then took a swallow of the cooling tea, smiling sadly as the taste of mint filled her mouth. She looked up across the too quiet campfire, and caught Xena staring into the flames, her armor bit forgotten in one hand, and a dull, lost expression on her face. "Hey." She called softly.
Blue eyes gone almost violet in the firelight turned hesitatingly her way. 'Mm?"
"Dinar for your thoughts." The bard replied quietly.
Xena's gaze fell to her hands, which were twisting the armor bit around. "Not worth a dinar, Gabrielle." The warrior stood, and dusted her hands off, flipping the bit up and catching it again before walking over to her saddlebag and tucking it away. She hesitated, one hand on the hilt of her sword, and stared off into the surrounding darkness for a long moment.
'Xena?" Gabrielle felt herself choosing her words carefully, and spared a wistful thought back to a time when she hadn't needed to.
The warrior turned her head, and glanced over. "Yes?"
The bard felt like she was walking on eggshells, and hated it. "Listen.. you.. look a little tired.. why don't you give that a miss tonight, and just kinda take it easy?" Resolutely, she battled down her discomfort, and concentrated on the fact that she had a right to be saying this.
Xena's eyes studied her face for a long silent moment, then a faint grin edged her lips. "You're right." She admitted quietly. "That's a good idea." Almost with an air of relief, she stood up, and walked around to the other side of their joint bedroll, dropping down onto it, and starting to remove her leg armor with a sigh.
Gabrielle rolled onto her back, and carefully reached for the rear strapping, conscious of how Xena's leg stilled as she touched her. She unbuckled the worn clasp, then reached under Xena's knees to get the other one, finally giving the warrior's calf a little pat. "Ok."
"Thanks." Xena's voice floated down, as she waited for Gabrielle to roll clear before she removed the armor, and set it aside. Then she lay back, with her head resting on her folded cloak, and gazed up, at the explosion of stars overhead.
The bard watched her silent profile for a moment, then let her gaze drop the sleeping fur, where her fingers were idly playing with the surface. "Wonder how Ares is?" She asked softly, thinking of their tame wolf, left behind in Amphipolis before they'd gone overseas.
Xena cleared her throat a little before answering. "I'm sure mom's taking care of him." She turned her head a little so that Gabrielle's face was in her field of vision, but didn't look directly at her. "He'll be fine."
"I miss him." Gabrielle felt tears coming, along with the knowledge that it wasn't just her pet she was missing. Ares meant home, and family, and happier times.
Xena's jaw clenched tightly, the muscles in bold relief against the firelight. "So do I.' She finally said, in a very low voice, then closed her eyes. "Good night, Gabrielle."
Gabrielle let the tears fall silently for a while, wetting the soft fur under her cheek, her eyes studying the familiar face next to her. She wearily allowed her gaze to gently absorb the sight of her companion, though she jerked past the fading scar on the warrior's neck as she always did.
The gentle tinkle of beads, and the scent of opium had permeated the bedroom, and she had lain, heart pounding wildly as she'd sensed Xena's nearing presence.
So many things were going through her mind. Her desperate choice, the bargain she'd struck with Ming Tien, her fragile, haunting hope that Xena would just realize she'd done this for the right reasons.
If she'd closed her eyes, she could have almost felt the gentle pressure of the warrior's lips on her head as they'd parted at the docks, Xena's gaze sad, but understanding when she'd told her she couldn't go with her. Couldn’t face the thought of watching Xena slide back into the darkness. Couldn’t cope with the growing distance between them, since… Britannia.
Since she'd lied. Since she'd had to make the soul tearing decision between her daughter and her soulmate. And she'd done it, casting Hope from her in the desperate attempt to save her life, knowing Xena would.. could.. kill her.
She'd given Hope a chance, but that knowledge had driven a wedge between them, and she'd felt it. Knew Xena had felt it, knew it in the haunting sadness in the eyes across from her during the long sea voyage back home.
Now the message, and her single minded purpose, and that story of hatred and betrayal that sickened Gabrielle despite her best efforts.
Part of her had wanted to just wander off the docks, and find a deep hole somewhere just to lie down in. But the other part of her, the part that claimed part of Xena, doggedly kept her going, driving her ahead, never stopping, never taking no for an answer, until it brought her to this place, and this time. "I'll take your place." She'd told Ming Tien.
"You will die." The Chin ruler calmly advised her, his palms neatly, and precisely aligning.
"No." The bard had spoken from sure, gentle knowledge. "She won't hurt me."
Now, with the gentle breeze stirring the unfamiliar drapery, and the scent of odd spices in her nose, Gabrielle sent up a prayer to her very distant gods and hoped she was right.
A motion. She looked up, a flash of a blade…
Then recognition flared, and in less than a breath, Xena had frozen her motion, and let out a single, almost soundless cry.
Gabrielle had cringed, and felt something shrivel deep inside her as she'd heard it, and saw the shock melt into horror, then into shattering grief in Xena's eyes. She never moved a muscle, but the bard could read every wrenching bit of what she was feeling.
She really, truly thought she'd been saving her. But one look at those eyes, and the bard felt an icy doubt fill her. And she knew, whatever else, that Xena, who had trusted her with a completeness, and an honesty she'd never allowed herself with any other person ever, knew herself betrayed.
It hurt.
Now it was over, all the lies laid bare, the betrayals played out, and their relationship was left in such fragile tatters that she often thought it was only the fact that they were, in all truth, soulmates that kept them clinging tenaciously together.
They had forgiven each other. That, surprisingly, had been the easy part, driven by exhaustion, and grief, and need for each other. But it hadn't given back to her their closeness, and the friendship the horror had stolen from them. Times like this, Gabrielle reflected sadly, she wondered if they would ever get even the smallest part of that back.
Tiredly, she sniffled, then tugged her cloak over her against the night breeze, and gave Xena one last, long look. She wasn't sleeping, that Gabrielle knew. Her breathing was too irregular, and she could feel the tension surrounding the warrior. Xena hadn't rejected any efforts of Gabrielle to touch her, but she kept her own advances to polite minimum, and quietly kept her hands from any of their familiar rough horseplay.
That hurt too. Gabrielle's body craved the contact, and she missed it terribly. Sighing, she put her head down, and at last, unable to stop herself, curled a hesitant hand around Xena's arm, and felt tears falling again at the warm familiarity of the touch.
She closed her eyes, and let them fall, and waited for the nightmares to come.
Xena waited until the bard's breathing deepened, then turned her head, to regard her smaller companion wistfully. The hand curled around her biceps brought a comfort with it all out of proportion to the act, and for a long moment, she just let herself feel that, as a balm to the ache she felt inside her.
She'd been through a lot in her lifetime, most of it bad. But this… Tentatively she reached over and covered Gabrielle's fingers with her own, and the bard made a tiny mewling noise, and moved closer, resting her face against the outside of the warrior's shoulder.
She knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to just open her arms up, and scoop Gabrielle into them, feeling the bard's body warm against her own, and let the connection they still, against all logic, had between them try to get a start on patching the wounds they'd taken.
I need to do that. She admitted quietly to herself. We both need it. But.. somehow, whenever she thought of that, another thought made her body go still.
An ugly scene, after she'd collected Gabrielle from the Amazon village, and they'd ridden in silence to a small cave nearby, and then..
Oh gods. They'd both been so angry. At themselves, at each other.. Gabrielle had said things that still hurt when she thought about them, and she… didn't even remember doing it, just the solid feel of her fist hitting…
Her eyes closed, and she fought off the memory of Gabrielle's body crumpling away from hers and dropping to the ground, with a gasp of pain that had just.. stopped her. Then she'd started towards the bard in confusion, only to have Gabrielle scramble away from her, in fear.
It shattered something, somewhere deep inside her. She'd stopped moving forward, and started backing up, until her shoulders hit granite, and just stood there, hurting. From everything. From losing Solon, for which she took responsibility, to losing Gabrielle, which she had just sealed with her own violence.
She didn't remember collapsing, just a single thought that.. good.. Gabrielle can escape, and get out of here. Get away.. from here. From her.
And had woken to the feel of Gabrielle's arms around her, as the bard cradled her against her blood stained chest, where her split lip and bloodied nose had marked her. So finally, exhausted, they'd simply talked, for a very long time.
About everything. All the lies, and all the hurt. And the knowledge they needed each other, and how hard forgiving was going to be. How they knew they'd both be carrying the guilt of this for a long time, probably forever. How things would never be the same.