From Bean-Counter to Big Sister
I have announced to my Finance Committee and the Board Executive that I will be retiring my post as Chair of Finance at the end of this year in order to pursue a new and exciting volunteer opportunity. It’s not that I wasn’t passionate about my financial contributions, it’s just that, as a Chartered Accountant, it’s my job and I do it for a living. I did get a lot of positive feedback during my 3 years in the post, and I thank everyone who confided that I turned on some light bulbs for them in understanding and taking an interest in the somewhat complicated financial statements of the church.
But what I am about to undertake in becoming a BIG Sister (as in the Big Sister and Big Brother Organization) is really causing me to become quite eager in anticipation - eager to meet my new Little Sister. It feels almost like being pregnant and wondering what your new child will be like once you meet her. But also a bit nervous, wondering what if she doesn’t bond with me or relate to me well? What if her parent or guardians don’t approve of me? What if she acts out or misbehaves, and I don’t handle it well enough? Many uncertainties and unknowns at this point. However, I am reassured by the fact that the organization goes through quite an exhaustive assessment and matching process to ensure that both Big and Little Sisters are well suited toward each other, with the objective of building a long-term relationship.
But to go back to the beginning when I started down this path, how and when did I first decide I wanted to be a Big Sister you might wonder? Well, I think it started with wondering if I should have had a third baby, but then realizing I am too old at 42 really to be considering that option. Then I think that the Cosman/Varga-Toth family (former members of our congregation) had a large influence on me when they adopted not one, not two, but THREE children into their family in addition to the two children they had already had by birth. Their phenomenal generosity and open-heartedness affected me immensely. When they adopted the last little girl, Petra, my sisters and I rallied around them and brought over hand-me-down girl clothes, baby equipment, new diapers etc. to the household. They say it takes a neighbourhood to raise a child and somehow we wanted to be a part of such a brave and challenging act to bring a 5th child into their already full loving household.
So, I guess that planted a seed in my soul which percolated there for a while. I wondered, could I ever be brave enough to do something so scary and life altering? Probably not I admitted, even though my 14 year old daughter Katrina said she liked the idea of adopting a little sister. Derek, my son, wasn’t too sure about that. We had sponsored a little girl through World Vision who was the same age as Katrina, named Nandini, who lives across the world in Sri Lanka. But I wanted to do something more, something where I could actively take a role in someone’s day to day life. So I guess that’s how I came to the idea of becoming a Big Sister. I started the process this past May by completing the arduous 10 page application form, complete with three references. All three references were contacted by the organization, one of which was our own Anthony Bailey, my own Mother, and my best friend and CA colleague.
Once I had passed the initial application phase, I was called in July to schedule my appointment with a Big Sisters Enrollment Coordinator. I was quite nervous, but also excited. The meeting gave the organization a chance to learn about my personality and strengths to best match me to the right “Little” (that’s what they affectionately call the Little Sister or Brother). At the end of the meeting, I was given the opportunity to complete a checklist to indicate any characteristics of a potential “Little” that I would be uncomfortable with, to aid in the matching process; for instance, a Little with a handicap, a different religion or culture from you, homosexual parent(s), parent with a boy/girlfriend, etc. etc. I decided not to check off many of these ‘complexities’, as I figured that with most of them, perhaps they would benefit more by having a different role model in a Big Sister. I decided that, in order to let the hands of God determine my match, I wouldn’t put too many qualifications in the way!
After that stage I was asked to attend their mandatory 2 hour training session in August which outlines the goals and objectives of the Big/Little Sister relationship, as well as safety rules and guidelines to protect both parties. I also had to submit an application for a Police Check (which is still outstanding, apparently, because of an administrative backlog in Ottawa). It is recommended in the first year to schedule weekly visits with your ‘Little’ for between 2 to 4 hours. This is important to build trust and reliability and security with an adult who is (hopefully) important in their lives, something they may not have on a consistent basis. Low or no-cost, simple outings are the preferred choice. The emphasis is on spending quality one on one time building the relationship and, ultimately, their self-esteem.
The research upon which Big Sisters/Big Brothers bases their program is that if a ‘Little’ can develop self-esteem (something they may not have the opportunity to have in their current home environment for whatever reason), there is a remarkably higher chance of succeeding in life and becoming a well-adjusted adult. This fact alone solidified my determination to continue on this journey. I was suffering from self-doubts as to whether I’d be too soft-touch to handle the tough life situations I might face by being exposed to a very different childhood from the one I was fortunate enough to have had. Maybe I’m being too vain to think I could make such a difference in someone’s life so as to transform it into being a life filled with more acceptance, more love, support and encouragement such that she could achieve her life’s goals. But this is the one thing that propels me forward to take on this challenge, the desire to make a BIG difference in someone’s life who wasn’t afforded many of life’s luxuries and opportunities as I was so fortunate to have been blessed with in my loving family. I’ve felt God calling me forward to do this. I’m sure you will wish me luck in the next stage of being matched to my prospective ‘Little’.
You may be interested to know there are twice as many young boys as girls currently waiting for a “Big” to be matched to, such that they have opened the possibility for a Big Sister to choose to be matched to a Little Brother in order to meet that demand.
If you are interested in checking out more info on Big Sisters, their Web site is ...
Kerry Lynn Grozinger
A Tribute to Charlotte
Did you ever read a novel as a child that you knew would be near and dear toyou for the rest of your life? Charlotte’s Web is one such book for me. And so, in September 2008, when Parkdale was first introduced to this years interconnectedness theme, ‘Webbed Together’, I was half expecting Anthony to give a sermon that referenced Charlotte’s Web.
When I arrived at home, I immediately googled ‘Charlotte’s Web’, theclassic childrens novel by E.B. White. For those who have never had the pleasure of reading the book, it is a charming animal fable about a talking barn spider named Charlotte, who befriends a pig that is slated for the slaughterhouse.
It is a story of relationships, friendship and compassion, woven together in themes that grow naturally from the interactions of its interconnected characters. As I read the website’s plot description, I quickly realized that the story is a well-written metaphor for stewarding our human relationships.
Like Jesus who befriended the outcasts in society, Charlotte is very intentional in befriending the runt pig, Wilbur. From the very beginning, Charlotte is gracious toward this very different creature, greeting him warmly, saying, “Salutations!”. This is not unlike the Bible, which commands us to love our neighbour and tells us to be wise in the way that we act toward outsiders. We are also told to be good stewards of our words and to let our conversations be always full of grace (Colossians 4:6).
Recognizing that we are our brothers’/sisters’ (friends’) keeper, Charlotte soon uses her Creator-given web-spinning gifts to help her friend Wilbur. As their friendship deepens, her efforts to save Wilbur’s life become a lesson in selfless love that demonstrates the beauty of true friendship and sacrifice.
One of Charlotte’s first web messages is ‘Terrific’, inviting others to see Wilbur as God sees him – a beloved creation with whom they should consider rethinking their relationship. Charlotte spins other messages, including ‘Radiant’, perhaps an invitation to all to radiate Gods abiding love for us and let our light shine so that we can help to bless those around us.
Relationships are certainly a wonderful part of life. God has built into us the very desire to reach out and connect with other people. Indeed, our relationships with our families and friends are a vital source of support, and a reminder of our interconnectedness.
We need to be good stewards of our relationships, showing appreciation for others, considering the impacts of our actions on others, and asking for forgiveness where necessary. We should be honest about problems that arise, and ask for advice or support if needed. Relationships require work by all parties, and a deep sense of caring.
Later, when Wilbur asks if he should be worried about his fate, Charlotte uses her gift of encouragement to restore her friend’s faith. She tells him not to be afraid, and that help will come from above. If this sounds somewhat familiar, it is probably because of the Bible’s 365 reminders to us to ‘fear not, because the Lord is with us.
Reminiscent of Christ’s resurrection, Charlotte uses her last ounce of energy in a selfless act of love that will save Wilbur’s life. Her final web message is “Humble” – a reminder to us all that it is good to be humble in all of our relationships. In fact, the Bible tells us to be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. It also instructs us to make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:2-3, NIV).
To wrap up his ‘Webbed Together’ sermon, Anthony made his point about our interconnectedness as children of God by tossing balls of coloured wool into the congregation. We were invited to pass them to our neighbours all across the pews.
When the church service ended, a fellow worshipper motioned to me to break the bonds of that tangled web of wool that connected us all. Iwas reminded that sometimes it is best to break the bonds when we become entangled in unhealthy and abusive relationships. But no matter how tangled and imperfect our life becomes, our bond with God will never be broken. Like Charlotte, He is always watching over us with messages of hope and inviting us into an even deeper relationship with Him.
Respectfully submitted,
Barbara Hennessy, Chair
Stewardship Group
2008 Pax Christi International Peace Award
The 2008 Pax Christi International Peace Award was awarded on October 18 to the Franciscan priest, Dom Luiz Flávio Cappio, the Bishop of Barra in the state of Bahia, Brazil. The Pax Christi International Peace Award recognizes a person or group that embodies the ideals of the Pax Christi movement, and that have worked in an exemplary manner for a more peaceful world. The award ceremony took place during a weekend of events entitled “Waters for Peace” in Sobradinho, Brazil.
Dom Cappio is being honoured for his non-violent action in protest against the Säo Francisco river transposition project. The project would divert Brazil’s third-largest river, the Rio Säo Francisco to build more hydropower stations and supply water for industrial farming, shrimp production and steel plants. The project would effectively destroy many villages of fisher folk and river inhabitants and cause vast environmental damage.
I travelled to Sobradinho and took a small part in the presentation to Dom Luiz, representing both the United Church of Canada and CESE (Coordenadoria Ecumênica de Serviço) where I work.
It was a thrilling and humbling experience and, at the same time, very demanding. I had doubts about making the trip but, while completely justified, my doubts also completely missed the point, to my shame. Standing effectively in solidarity with others whose rights as human beings are being trampled is CESE’s work and my work too.
So, what was holding me back?
The trip is 10 hours by bus and that would be followed by a day of fasting on Saturday and then an inter-religious celebration and presentation by Pax Christi to Dom Cappio. Following the presentation of the award, all of us – in the thousands – would walk together in pilgrimage to the river. Music and dancing would continue into the wee hours of Sunday morning and, at the close of the celebration, we would board the bus for the 10-hour trip back to Salvador. It was a daunting prospect especially since I would be on my own, relying on my Portuguese during a weekend of brand-new experiences and general confusion. My office-mate Adriano was participating but travelling separately and would be actively engaged in planning the celebration.
Sobradinho Bahia Brasil
The bus trip was about 10 hours, as predicted. As long as it already was, we were grateful for an hour-long interruption about two hours before we arrived in Sobradinho. We stopped at a convent so that all 30 or so passengers could have a warm shower, stretch, change our clothes, replenish our water, have tea or coffee. Leaving Salvador at 11 pm, our shower break was at about 5 am. On the return trip the next night, we stopped at the same serene place at about 4 am to shower, change clothes and have a cup of tea.
Unfortunately, I slept right through the stop on the return trip and woke as we re-started our journey home. I had also slept for two hours during the day of fasting in Sobradinho – on the concrete floor in a large open area with roof cover. My flimsy wrap served as mattress and my shoe as a pillow, but it felt good! About 10 of us were stretched out, in the shade, sleeping on the floor.
On Saturday, we had a day of full sun, in the 30s. Most fasted, but I nibbled on fruit, biscuits, raisins and plenty of water. About 200 of us sheltered from the sun in the sanctuary and under nearby trees. In this semi-arid region, it is hot, dry, dusty, and brown. The sky was a bleached blue, big and clear.
It was peaceful and serene sitting in the sanctuary in thought and listening as prayers and stories were shared – and singing. (I observed again that all Brazilians know all the words to all the hymns and songs ever written!)
Celebrating Dom Luiz and the Peace Award
Adriano, my CESE office-mate spearheaded the planning for the celebration and guided the agenda as it unfolded. The result of his sensitive work was lovely and the celebration was replete with touching symbols, powerful words, inspiring words from Dom Luiz and perhaps a few overlong speeches.
We started about two hours later than planned because the entertainment started about two hours earlier than planned. The band provided great music, very danceable, including not only Brazilian and Bahian music and lyrics but also music written about the region and river itself, the Rio São Francisco, and its people. We thousands loved it and seemed quite compliant as the band precluded the start of the celebration and the 4-kilometre walk. But in time, the enthusiastic crowd turned their full attention to the small stage where their beloved Dom Luiz would receive the Pax Christi Peace Award.
It had been a surprise shortly before the celebration, when I was invited to bring greetings from the United Church of Canada and CESE. I had agreed and was one of several representatives of various churches. In a quite shaky voice and almost adequate Portuguese, I greeted about 3,000 people assembled in the market square.
After a brief opening, I read one verse of scripture (Revelation 2:17) about struggles and awards. One woman sought me out almost immediately afterwards. She kindly said she wished she could speak English as well as I speak Portuguese. It was gracious of her but prompted, I think, by my shaky delivery.
On the stage, right beside me during the celebration, was a lovely little goat, quite timid. She and her owner live along the Rio São Francisco and on either end of a rope, they were holding on to each other. Others on the stage included two women who balanced water jugs on their heads and then slowly poured the water into large beautiful pots. Others carried baskets of fruits and vegetables, fishing nets and gear. There were others carrying banners and posters. It was perfect tableau for the occasion.
The timid little animal at my side was especially afraid of both the fireworks that exploded periodically and of the traditional instruments, the seed-filled, feather-decorated gourds that accompanied a little girl and her mother while they danced and sang. Both caused the little goat to jump about and then snuggle tightly against her master‘s leg.