Self-Study Video 3 Transcript Coded Page 1 of 2
Time / Transcript / Micoskill00:00:04 / Okay, Jeff, I’m going to pick up on the same topic of the transgendered Brook and your experiences around that. So, some of what you were talking about with Paul was his metaphor of your sort of catching up to your own values. Are you comfortable carrying on that that same topic? / Transparency
Clarifying
00:00:25 / So, tell me a little bit more about the kind of messages that you send to yourself around this whole thing. / Probing
00:01:10 / So, you are not making the connection that he is transgendered because of something that you did as parents, but, maybe this experience for him would have been different, if you had done something differently in his childhood. Am I reading that correctly? / Paraphrasing
Confirming understanding
00:02:12 / So, you are doing what is expected of you, and what you expect of yourself to a large degree, and yet you have this niggling thing underneath that’s saying “yah but what about all these other pieces.” Anything else? / Paraphrasing
Clarifying
00:03:40 / But you seem to have this expectation of yourself that you should be all in that camp, that you can’t hold both things, coming back to the ambivalence, as meaningful for you at the same time. / Paraphrasing
00:04:31 / Yah, and even though you can see that that would be simpler, the reality is that it is not working anyway. / Paraphrasing
00:04:41 / Oh no, I meant the other, I meant that it would be simpler to just jump on board and be completely enthusiastic but the reality is that’s not what is happening for you. / Paraphrasing
00:04:54 / So, how much do you think your professional role plunks in here in terms of creating or supporting some of this ambivalence but also some of the expectations that you have for yourself? / Question
00:06:03 / So, it is an asset in some ways. In what ways is it a detriment? / Paraphrasing
+ Question
00:07:23 / So, there is some legitimate fear around the potential for discrimination. Not just for discrimination externally but also for the kinds of conflicts that can occur in Brook over time if this doesn’t actually play out in the way that she is anticipating. / Paraphrasing
00:07:44 / It seems to me like there is a number of factors playing in here. There is your professional expectations of yourself, your expectations of yourself as a father, there’s also the mixed pieces around Brook herself so her transition and your desire to support her transition and yet it seems like it is hard to separate that out from Brook the unhappy child, or Paul the unhappy child, and how much of that is about this and how much of it isn’t about this. / Recapping
00:08:24 / Unhappy adolescent / Restating
00:08:36 / So, looping back to the very beginning of the conversation, your first message to yourself was around did parenting or did the situation in the marriage have any impact on how he ended up in this place. So, are you comfortable exploring that a little bit more. / Transparency
Clarifying
00:08:58 / I’m going to shift and talk only about, not the actual content, but only about your reactions and affect at this point around that particular thing. So, when you say that message to yourself – “maybe there is something here in our history that contributed to this” – what is the feelings that go along with that? / Transparency
Question
00:10:10 / And, your tone kind of shifted when you said that, you know, from … your energy level shifted a bit. So, I’m guessing there is also some sadness in there or there seems like there is some weight there when you say that. / Paraphrasing nonverbal communication
00:11:01 / So, maybe some guilt tied in there as well. / Paraphrasing
00:10:07 / Explore that a little bit more. / Probing
00:12:12 / So there is some, you know, when you look at what is happening with Brook now and the experience of Paul as an adolescent, there is this feeling attached to it that also brings a fair amount of weight for you. A mixture of feelings of guilt and responsibility and some of that as well. When you send a different message to yourself around all of this, which I’m sure because of the ambivalence you do, you go back and forth, right, so if you were in this phase where you were sending a different message to yourself that, no, this isn’t all about me, this is about Brook and her process and the path that life is taking her, what does that do in terms of the feeling state for you. / Recapping
Question
00:13:58 / Okay, I’m conscious of the time so I am going to thread it back together a little bit, so I’m flipping back into the discussion of meaning and ideas around that at the beginning. From what you said, you’ve got a fair amount of ambivalence and you talked about the feelings that are attached to that that have to do with you as a parent and your feelings that you have retrospectively. Looking back at you as a parent, but not just you in isolation, what happened within your marriage and family, whatever, um, and you do a pretty good job of sending that message to yourself and other people do a pretty good job of sending different message to you. But those messages are harder to integrate and really believe as part of your own perception of yourself and of the situation, and that seems to be contributing to the ongoing ambivalence here. / Summary
00:15:51 / Yah, so you have this place where you have all these positive feelings, and those are the things that you predominantly demonstrate to Brook, but you still have to find a way to deal with the reality of these niggling worries and negative associations with this that, from talking about what you know as a professional, are not ill-founded. It is not like these are irrational fears, they are rational fears that are based on your experience and the experience of people you know who are working with transgendered youth. / Summary continued