In the process of maturing, both physically and emotionally, it's normal to have questions about sexuality and sexual orientation. The answer aren't always quick to surface.
He was good-looking, that first-chair trombone player, and he played so well. From where she sat in the clarinet section at band camp, she could see him making witty remarks to the guy next to him. He wasn't from her school—he came from a much bigger school in another city—and he just seemed so …cool.
He was Amanda's first big crush, and she can remember exactly how she felt about him that doesn't know what ever happened to the trombone player), she recalls how her heart beat wildly when he walked off the concert stage right beside her … an how she tried some no-too-obvious ways to get his attention…and how she treasured her camp photo of the band with him looking right out at her.
Amanda couldn't define it then, but she was taking a step in her sexual development. She had read lots of young adult novels about boy and girl relationships and romance. But until that summer at camp, she had not felt attracted to any particular boy. Sure, she and her friends had talked about being attracted to guys, but now she felt it.
What Amanda was experiencing happens when a young person matures sexually. She was discovering her sexual identity as a young woman physically attracted to a young man. Hers is the most common example of sexual orientation: that of attraction to a member of the opposite sex.
But how about the trombone player? He and Amanda had talked, but that's where it stayed. Did he have a crush on Amanda—or was that the last thing on his mind? Could he perhaps have had a crush on another guy in the band? Might he, at this stage in his life, have been feeling attracted to young men, not young women? If he didn't have romantic thoughts at all, was he normal?
Sexual Orientation
As a young person begins to discover his or her own sexuality, it's normal to think about sexual orientation. The American Psychological Association (APA) says “sexual orientation is distinguished by an enduring emotional, romantic, sexual, or affectionate attraction to individuals of a particular gender.” A person whose sexual orientation is to members of the opposite sex is called a heterosexual. Someone whose sexual orientation is to members of the same sex is called a homosexual. The term “gay” refers to a homosexual man or woman; a lesbian is a homosexual woman. A person whose sexual orientation is equal to both sexes is bisexual.
Usually young people start thinking about their sexuality as they mature physically and emotionally. The hormones that determine a baby's sex after conception are produced in insignificant amounts in newborns and young children. Their own sexuality is not something to which little kids pay much attention. But as boys and girls go through puberty, these hormones initiate body changes and also affect their sexuality—their awareness of themselves as sexual beings.
In young men at puberty, levels of the hormone testosterone increase, causing the testes to grow larger and produce sperm. The penis and scrotum also become larger. A boy's voice deepens, body and facial hair appear, and sweat glands change and give sweat a different odor. At times, just thinking about sex may make his penis stiffen and stand out from his body, which is called an erection. Erections also may have nothing to do with sex. Excitement or nervousness can cause erections, and they can also occur for no reason at all.
A Big Crush
For girls, increased levels of the female hormones estrogen and progesterone cause a growth spurt, developing breasts, and eventually menstruation. As these changes are taking place in puberty, girls also begin to evaluate their sexuality. Like boys, their first awareness of their sexuality is often associated with a big crush—an intense, but often secret, attraction to another person. That person isn't necessarily a classmate (or the trombone player at band camp); it can be an adult, or a friend's older brother or sister, or a movie star.
It's not uncommon, either, to have same-sex crushes—a girl attracted to a female classmate or a boy with an intense affection for another guy. These are normal emotions, and do not necessarily indicate a homosexual orientation.
Crushes, in fact, are usually harmless and can even be seen as a way of practicing for romantic experiences to come. A crush, however, can become a problem if it dominates your thoughts and keeps you from doing everyday things like homework and having fun with friends. If you've felt this way, talk it over with a trusted friend or adult.
Components of Sexuality
Sexual orientation is just one of four components of sexuality. The APA defines the other three components as follows:
· a person's biological sex (male or female)
· gender identity (the psychological sense of being male or female)
· social sex role (behaving as a male or female according to cultural expectations)
Sexual orientation has been a subject of discussion and scientific study for many years. Back in the late 1940s, the prominent researcher Alfred C. Kinsey and colleagues published the “Kinsey Heterosexual-Homosexual Scale” with ratings from 0 to 6. Zero signified a person who was 100 percent heterosexual and 6 a person who was 100 percent homosexual.
Several decades later, researchers led by Dr. Fritz Klein produced a more simplified scale.
Their “Klein Sexual Orientation Scale” shows a continuum from 1 to 7. Its scale showed these variations of sexual orientation:
1. attracted to the other sex only (heterosexual)
2. attracted to the other sex mostly
3. attracted to the other sex somewhat more
4. attracted to both sexes equally
5. attracted to the same sex somewhat more
6. attracted to the same sex mostly
7. attracted to the same sex only (homosexual)
Aspects of Sexual Orientation
Klein also analyzed aspects of sexual orientation other than sexual behavior. To help people describe their sexuality, he and his researchers asked those in their study the following questions:
Sexual attraction: To whom are you sexually attracted?
Sexual behavior: With whom have you had sex?
Sexual fantasies: Whom are your sexual fantasies about?
Emotional preference: Do you love only members of the same sex, only members of the other sex, or both sexes equally?
Social preference: With members of which sex do you prefer to socialize?
Lifestyle preference: What is the sexual orientation of the people with whom you prefer to socialize?
Sexual identity: How do you identify yourself sexually? (Some people may identify themselves as gay, lesbian, or bisexual without engaging in any sexual activity.)
Political identity: How do you identify yourself in terms of sexual politics? A woman, for example, may have a heterosexual sexual identity but a lesbian (homosexual) political identity.
A Matter of Choice?
Most experts feel strongly that sexual orientation is not something about which a person has a choice. The experts say there is no basis for the theories that homosexuality, for example, is caused by troubled dynamics within a family or faulty psychological development. “Those assumptions are now understood to have been based on misinformation and prejudice,” says the American Psychiatric
Association. For most people, sexual orientation emerges without any sexual experience. It is formed by a combination of factors that could be genetic as well as social, cultural, and political. “Sexual orientation,” according to the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS), “is no longer commonly considered to be one's conscious individual preference or choice, but is instead thought to be formed by a complicated network of social, cultural, biological, economic, and political factors.” The question of being able to change sexual orientation is controversial. Most experts feel it is not possible for a person to undergo treatment or therapy to change his or her sexual orientation. The APA points out that some people try hard over many years to change their sexual orientation, but with no success. “For these reasons,” says the APA, “psychologists do not consider sexual orientation for most people to be a conscious choice that can be voluntarily changed.”
How Do You Know?
This does not mean that you are supposed to simply know what your sexual orientation is without going through a process of discovery. It's very common, for example, for young people especially to have a strong attraction to members of the same sex. Many people are not sure about their sexual orientation and put themselves in the category of “questioning.”
One reason for this is the fact that sexual orientation may shift in a person's lifetime. Teens, unsure of where they are on the issue, may take years to figure out the answer to the question. Some adults can look back and say they knew as a child; others weren't sure until their college years, or later.
The American Psychiatric Association puts it this way: “The concept of sexual orientation refers to more than sexual behavior. It includes feelings as well as identity. Some individuals may identify themselves as gay, lesbian, or bisexual without engaging in any sexual activity. Some people believe that sexual orientation is innate (something you are born with) and fixed; however, sexual orientation develops across a person's lifetime. Individuals may become aware at different points in their lives that they are heterosexual, gay, lesbian, or bisexual.”
What's Your View?
In the last few years, there have been several TV sitcoms and some movies featuring gay characters. These shows include Will and Grace, Dawson's Creek, and Felicity. In addition, a made-for-TV movie, The Truth About Jane, aired in August 2000. It featured a teenage girl who realized she was gay and focused on how she and her mother dealt with her sexual orientation.
Choose one of these shows or another you have seen. Consider how it portrays gays and answer the following questions:
· How realistic do you think the portrayal of the character is?
· Would you know that the character was gay by his or her actions or looks? Explain.
· How do you feel about the way the character is presented? Is the character presented stereotypically by how he or she walks, talks, or dresses, for example?
· Does the character seem to be accepted by the other characters? Why or why not?
· How does the show reveal the feelings and concerns of gays?
· Do you think you have a better understanding of gays from watching the show? Explain.
Now, choose another show and compare your answers with the first one. Be prepared to discuss your opinions in class.
By Nancy Dreher