‘Crystal Skull --the sketch’
©Tim Sheridan 2010
Three teens decide what movie to see and use impressions to suggest them. Except for the NEUTRAL guy who wants “Crystal Skull!!” The teens are bouncy and jerky. Except when girls are there or when they talk about current events. The rest of the time they dissemble in jokes about passers-by or perform movie impressions to sway the group.
Character faces: Slight revulsion, Clueless and NEUTRALwho doesn’t say much (except when imploring “crystal skull!!”)
Dress: PREPPY, SHABBY(Jacket) , NEUTRAL-Windbreaker
OPEN
EXTFront of a movie theater,
Three teens stand on a busy streetbetween a theater, amovie rental store, wall vent, and mail slot.They gather into place.
PREPPY
Hey,
SHABBY
What’s up?
NEUTRAL
Hi.
PREPPY
Hey.
SHABBY
Yo.
NEUTRAL
ey.
They throw snap-n-pops at one another.
PREPPY
So what do you wanta see?
SHABBY
I dunno. What d’ya think?
PREPPY
Maybe the Avalanche thing or
the monster movie.
SHABBY
Yea that’s got what’s-her-name in it.
Oohh yea..
NEUTRAL
(unimpressed)
uhh.
PREPPY
What? You don’t like her?
NEUTRAL
(softly)
Uhh. No. I kind of have a thing.
PREPPY
What tell us.
NEUTRAL
Nah..
PREPPY
What!
SHABBY
Yea just tell us.
NEUTRAL
It’s just a movie.
PREPPY
Come on what do you want to see?
NEUTRAL
Alright. You know..
SHABBY
Uh huh
NEUTRAL
It’s umm..
PREPPY
Yea?
NEUTRAL
(clenching his fingers as though
holding hockey pucks, elbows bent)
Crystal Skullllll!!!!
SHABBY
Oh that’s really good but I just saw that.
PREPPY
Yea I have it at home. But it’s
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom
of the Crystal Skull
NEUTRAL
(somber)
Oh well, you know. Um. That’s just my
idea..what do you want to see?
PREPPY
Well either the monster thing or the
one with the girl..
SHABBY
Oh, yea or we can rent (points next door)
PREPPY
Hmm.. Hey so, what’s going on with that (current news story) thing in the gulf?
SHABBY
I don’t know. That’s really a mess. I hope they get that under control.
NEUTRAL
Yea..
SHABBY
Yea..Oh, Hey. I got some gum.
PREPPY
Oh Gime.
SHABBY
Here.Here.
PREPPY
mmm..
NEUTRAL
mmm..
PREPPY
Yea.. So..
Someone passes, the teens point at them.
GROUP
HAH HAHGurrr Duuuuhhhfff
HehHeh..
(Slap Slap push push)
PREPPY
Come on we have to pick something.Wait..(Impression) Cashablanka orDuh MalteejeFalcon ?
SHABBY
Oh dude that’s old
NEUTRAL
Yea no birds..
SHABBY
Yea man more like
(impression)
Godfatha vs Sca-face
PREPPY
HehHeh..that’s funny..
NEUTRAL
It’s alright..
PREPPY
Listen just pick one..What about
you?
NEUTRAL guy is laughing to him self.
PREPPY
What?What?
NEUTRAL
Huh?
SHABBY
Yea what?
NEUTRAL
(clenching his fingers as though holding a hockey pucks)
Crystal Skull!!!!
PREPPY
Oh Man.. I saw that.
SHABBY
Yea.. Come on..
PREPPY
Yea I was thinking more
(finger goggles, gum over teeth)
I just do brade runner.
SHABBY
Yea Yea wait..Alleykazam! You will see Harry Potter!
They all push him.
SHABBY
What?
PREPPY
No no! (drauma) Titanic!
(impression) I’m king of the world!
SHABBY
You’re not king of the world.
I am.
PREPPY
No, I’m king of the world..
NEUTRAL
Nuh uh.. I am.
PREPPY
No I am.
(Push shove, push shove)
Someone walks by, they point at the passer by.
GROUP
HAH HAHGurrr Duuuuhhhfff HehHeh..
(Laughter)
PREPPY
So what’s it gona be?
Shabby ducks down inside the other’s jacket. He becomes ‘Sato’ from ‘Total Recall’.
SHABBY
Hehhehheh
(impression)
You must totally recall
Total Recall
PREPPY
Nah..
SHABBY
Aw come on that’s really good..
NEUTRAL
ehhh..
SHABBY
Arr.. I know, Poy-rates Of the
Caribbean. Ahoy mateyarr..
(silence)
A Beat
PREPPY
(Confiding softly)
Good try.
NEUTRAL
Yea good try.
PREPPY
Umm Listen did you hear about that sleep study that said memory comes from dreaming?
SHABBY
I believe that.
NEUTRAL
Yea you know,that makes sense. Hmm..
Someone else passes. They momentarily suppresses laughter then break apart laughing in a partial huddle.
PREPPY
(gravel voice)
I know, Sent of a woman! Hooowahhh!
SHABBY
Iseen it..
NEUTRAL
Yea me too..But that’s good ..
SHABBY
yea.. that’s good.. Yea that’s like (impression) I want to suck your blood.
NEUTRAL
Nah,too Gay.
PREPPY
Man that’s black and white!
NEUTRAL
He doesn’t say that in the film.
SHABBY
Aww yea I forgot.
(Impression)
Oh, Well ya you want the moon?
I, I’l Buy Ya The Moon!
They just look at him.
Sorry, my mom watches a lot of
old movies.
(To NEUTRAL guy)
Alright what do you think?
NEUTRAL
(Looks down)
ohh..
SHABBY
What?
PREPPY
Yea What?
NEUTRAL
Umm..
SHABBY
What?
A beat
NEUTRAL
(clenching his fingers as though
holding hockey pucks.)
Crystal Skull!!!!
PREPPY
Oh man..
SHABBY
Yea, come on..
(impression)
hey!Use the force luke.
They immediately act out the sword-play against him.
[Hah hah..HmmvvSwwwiiichkkkzzzHvvvvswwwiiishkzzz..hehheh.. uuhh..]
PREPPY
Oh wait.
NEUTRAL
What?
SHABBY
I know.
(impression)
Listen,This isn’t necessary.
You don’t have to do this. You
can walk out of there and live.
They react with uncomfortable fear.
NEUTRAL
Huh?
SHABBY
What?
NEUTRAL
Uhhh. That was kind of scary when
you did that.
PREPPY
Yea.
SHABBY
Really?
PREPPY
Oh girls!
The guys do a straight man act.
BOTH GROUPS
Hi,Hi,Hi,Hi,Hi,Hi,
NEUTRAL
(nod)
GIRL1
What are you guys doing?
SHABBY
Nothin
PREPPY
Yea nothing.
NEUTRAL
Um were just try’na decide what movie to see.
SHABBY and PREPPY push him.
GIRL1
Oh Ok.
GIRL2
We were gona go to the mall.
PREPPY
Yea Ok.
GIRL
Ok..Bye.
SHABBY
Yea Bye
The Guys freeze as the girls walk away.
They unfreeze into imagined sword play from Star Wars…
GUYS
Hvvvvmmmkzzzzch hvvvvmmmkzzzch…
END