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Haley Sietz
Connecting through Conversation
As a tutor, I strive to assist writers both throughout the writing process and with their finished product. My goal is to help them improve their writing and reading skills and, most importantly, talk with them. Conversation is used as a tool to connect to others, whether they are family members, friends, or strangers. Manipulating and utilizing words and language can change the way we interact with others (Black 20). Through conversation, we also reconstruct relationships (Black 20). Because conversation stems from thought and writing originates from internal conversation (“Peer Tutoring”), writing is a form of conversation. When we talk about writing, we’re talking about the conversations we have with ourselves, and verbalizing this with another helps writers better understand their own thoughts. Therefore, conversation not only connects tutors to students, but it also connects students to their thoughts.
For us to help writers connect to their thoughts, tutors must be able to first connect to the writers. To establish the beginning of a connection, it is important to introduce yourself at the start of a session so that you become more than just a mysterious “authoritative figure.” Allowing a student to call you by first name can decrease their level of anxiety, because you become a peer, rather than a teacher—someone whom they usually refer to as Missus, Doctor, or Professor. Conversing as peers is more effective because, as Kenneth Bruffee writes, productivity “is most likely to occur with people we regard as equals” (A Short Course). Once the student introduces themselves as well, I begin to address them by name throughout the session. This creates a personal connection, as the student can feel more like an individual to me rather than just another face in the writing center.
Following introductions—and sometimes even beforehand—I often give the writer a compliment. Hara Marano says words of praise “amplify positivity,” making others feel more welcome in the writing center, and “kindly dispose people to each other” (Marano), since I show the student that I’m not as intimidating as they may think. Their first impression of me is now friendly and polite. As tutors, we provide a service to others; therefore, we want to start off on their “good side,” and a compliment may set our relationship off on the right foot. Yet, the compliment should always be genuine, because you, as the tutor, are planting the seeds of what could very possibly blossom into a friendship, and you do not want your initial connection built on a lie. That could create a shaky foundation that can easily crumble and distance you from the student. When you are distanced from the student, they are less willing to engage and participate in the session, and your work together can end up meaning nothing.
I usually find myself complimenting students’ outfits, makeup, or body modifications, like tattoos and piercings. Commenting on their appearance can make them feel confident in what they are wearing, and this confidence may seep into their attitude when we begin to talk about their writing. For those who share my interests of makeup and body modifications, compliments can act as, what Marano calls, “social lubricants” and can easily spark “the flow of conversation.” I’ve discovered that if you compliment a person’s tattoo, they will often start talking about it. However, take care not to “tat-call”; don’t ask about tattoos’ meanings, because that could get too personal for some people. In one of my recent sessions, I told a client that I liked the colorful balloons tattooed on her arm, and she instantly told me that she just got it done, but it wasn’t healing the way she was hoping it would. This ignited a conversation about the healing times of body mods, because I replied that I was sick of waiting for my new nose piercing to heal. For about two or three minutes, we just talked back and forth about our metal and our ink, and we became connected. We had shared experiences, which bonded us, and conversation about her paper came easy when our session officially began.
Another go-to method I use to create conversation is asking open-ended questions, which are questions that typically require more than a one-word answer. They are often used on a daily basis when we greet others. I usually start sessions off with “How are you?” because it’s a classic conversation starter. Donald Murray suggests asking students open-ended questions like “‘How’s it going? and ‘What do you think of this piece?’” because it “force[s] them to make a commitment” (Murray). So, they are obligated to speak, at least by societal standards. This was proven to me when I asked my dad why, after I spoke about writing this paper, he did not respond, and he simply replied, “You didn’t ask me a question.”
When it comes to discussing the actual paper, I first ask the student what they wrote about and why they chose to write about it. These questions often spin off into conversations because tutors can find opportunities to use students’ answers as a gateway to an idea or statement. For example, in a recent session I asked a client why she chose to write about her parents’ divorce for a narrative essay. She explained that it was because it completely changed her life, and I responded that I, too, was transformed by my parents’ divorce as a kid. We spent a few minutes talking about our childhoods, and I later suggested that she include some of her experiences in her essay to strengthen the power and emotion of her work. Sessions like this show that, as tutor and writer converse, they become connected by learning about one another through their thoughts, opinions, and personal experiences.
In that session and often many others, I employ humor. Humor can be controversial in the writing center, as a number of tutors believe that it undermines the seriousness of the tutoring session. We work with writers who seek our help, and, as Flannery Amdahl notes, some tutors may insist that our purpose is “not to entertain the students.” In my experience, bringing humor into a session usually works out in my favor. More often than not, students enter our writing center with some degree of anxiety. Before I became a tutor myself, I, a confident writer, was even nervous to venture into the center, because the idea of being surrounded by “authoritative” writers made me apprehensive. Overcoming this fear is a major factor for many students; so, when we use humor, it shows them that we do not take ourselves too seriously. Because humor relaxes the student, they connect more easily with the tutor (Amdahl). Several times I have worked with people who are incredibly tense at the beginning of our session, but as I crack jokes and make silly comments throughout the tutorial, they become more relaxed.
While I find that humor is a great technique, the most effective part of a session is to read the student’s work aloud, whether they do it or I do it. That way, they can hear their words rather than simply see them. Listening to their writing allows their brain to receive “information in a new way,” so the student “may notice things” (“Reading Aloud”) that slipped past them when they initially wrote or proofread their paper. Even though only one of us is speaking, the other is still listening, which is, as Susan Heitler says, “half of the art of conversation.” So, we continue to be connected and engaged in conversation.
When one of us reads the work aloud, then our conversation has “officially” shifted to writing. If the student is reading to me, they are taking the words that they originally transferred from their thoughts to the paper and are now discovering how they taste in their mouth and how they dance off their tongue. Do they make sense? Do they convey what the student wants them to? IfI am reading to the student, they are listening and can, as Toni-Lee Caposella writes, “hear passages that ‘sound funny’ even though they may look fine on paper” (10-11). The student’s work is being communicated through a new medium—audio—and if they realize that their writing does not reflect the thoughts and ideas that they had when they sat down to write, then we can discuss how this can be fixed. With every suggestion one of us offers (“If we take this sentence and move it here, this paragraph will make more sense.”), the writer’s plan for their work becomes more and more clear.
When our session ends, I always offer positive reinforcement and remind the writer of the “main thing” they should, or could, do to improve their paper, or their writing in general. Feedback from professors and students has shown that the writers I work with really like this technique. My high school creative writing teacher calls it “crossing the bridge”: start on one side with a compliment to the writer, and then cross the bridge to deliver a constructive critique. The compliment “softens the blow” of the critique, so the writer will likely be less offended or defensive of their work. These praises also boost the student’s confidence in their skills and encourages them to continue writing, since people “strive to do more of what brings praise from others” (Marano). Just a sentence or two (“Your sentence length variation is great. It makes the paper flow so well!” or “You’ve got awesome vocabulary in here!”) canreally reassure a writer that their work is worthy of being read.
Our writing center has many repeaters who return. After they realize how invaluable our center and our tutors are, they visit us pretty regularly. Even if you have already made an initial connection with a student during a previous session, it is important to maintain this relationship each time you see them. I think of them as friends I haven’t seen in a while. When they pop in the center, I greet them in a friendly manner, usually addressing them by name, and ask them how they’ve been doing since the last time we worked together. Calling the student by name makes them feel like an individual, because we remembered who they are. As psychologist Joyce E. A. Russell writes, “When someone remembers our name, we feel respected and more important. It makes a positive and lasting impression on us.”
I have a knack for remembering names and faces, so it’s pretty easy for me to recognize a returning student when they come for a session; however, for many people, keeping track of names is not a simple task. I suggest adopting a mindset like that of Princess Anna from the 1953 film Roman Holiday: it is a duty to remember others’ names, no matter how many people you meet. You are the princess of the writing center, and it is imperative that you uphold the standards of royalty by making every person feel significant and unforgettable, so do whatever it takes to commit names to memory. Try repeating their name after they introduce themselves, so you both hear it and speak it, and practice saying it by addressing them as often as possible. If you do forget their name, sneak a peek at their paper and see if they have it in the header.
The main idea that I’m pushing is that talking is essential in having an effective session. Before I became a tutor, I associated the word “tutor” solely with “teaching”; now, I associate it with “talking.” Tutors get one-on-one conversations with students that teachers often don’t, and I connect to the people I work with by talking… by asking questions… and, if they’re shy, by gabbing their ear off to wear them down, so they’ll eventually feel comfortable enough to chat with me. Bruffee writes that what tutors and writers “do together is converse” (“Peer Tutoring”), and in these conversations “dialogue, literacy, and learning… interweave” (McAndrew and Reigstad 2). If I teach them something during our session, maybe they’ll remember it at a later time by recalling how this teaching moment happened sometime after we made fun of The Canterbury Tales together. Connect to a student as a human, and then use this to connect them to their thoughts and their writing. Many centers and tutors revere Stephen North’s quote “[O]ur job is to produce better writers, not better writing” (50) as the holy scripture of writing center theory, but my preference falls to another line in “The Idea of a Writing Center”: “We are here to talk to writers” (52).
Works Cited
Amdahl, Flanney. “No Laughing Matter: Humor and the Writing Center.” Writing Center Staff Website. University of Pittsburgh, April 2003. 5 May 2015. Web.
Black, Laurel Johnson. Between Talk and Teaching: Reconsidering the Writing Conference. Logan: Utah State University Press, 1998. Print.
Bruffee, Kenneth. “Peer Tutoring and the ‘Conversation of Mankind.’” The Oxford Guide for Writing Tutors: Practice and Research. Ed. Lauren Fitzgerald and Melissa Ianetta. New York: Oxford University Press, 2016. 325-335. Print.
Bruffee, Kenneth A. A Short Course in Writing.Boston: Little, 1985. Print.
Capossela, Toni-Lee. “Getting to Know You.” The Harcourt Brace Guide to Peer Tutoring. Fort Worth: Harcourt Brace, 1998. 8-15. Print.
Heitler, Susan. “The Art of Listening: How Open Are Your Ears?” Psychology Today. Psychology Today Mag., 29 Nov. 2011. Web. 23 July 2015.
Marano, Hara Estroff. “The Art of the Compliment.” Psychology Today. Psychology Today Mag., 1 Mar. 2004. Web. 20 July 2015.
McAndrew, Donald A. and Thomas J. Reigstad. Tutoring Writing: A Practical Guide for Conferences. Portsmouth: Boynton/Cook, 2001. Print.
Murray, Donald. “Interview with Tom Reigstad.” Tutoring Writing: A Practical Guide for Conferences. By Donald A. McAndrew and Thomas J. Reigstad. Boynton/Cook, 2001. Print.
North, Stephen M. “The Idea of a Writing Center.” The St. Martin’s Sourcebook for Writing Tutors.Ed. Christina Murphy and Steve Sherwood. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2011. 44-58. Print.
“Reading Aloud.” The Writing Center.University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, n.d. Web. 23 July 2015.
Russell, Joyce E. A. “Career Coach: The Power of Using a Name.” The Washington Post.The Washington Post, 12 Jan. 2014. Web. 20 July 2015.