COMMUNICATION TOOLS—TIPS AND TRICKS
Please note that, because these are drawn from the TCI training manual and Wayside is in the process of training staff in TCI, this is not an “official” guide—but more of a template. Once Wayside has officially transitioned to TCI Verbal & Physical Intervention techniques, we can also “officially” implement these strategies
In having the “hard conversations” with young people, it is imperative we remember that we’re there to help the young person achieve a higher level of social and emotional maturity. Preventing/de-escalating a potential crisis situation and being able to help them improve their coping strategies should be a focus. As always, the safety of yourself and the young person is paramount and should not be overlooked at any time.
Before entering any conversation, adults should ask themselves “What am I feeling?” Self-awareness is key to crisis control. Knowing your own triggers, feelings toward that person/situation, your own biases, values, and beliefs, and what you’re feeling in the moment can potentially make or break an intervention.
Knowing the young person you’re interacting with. All behavior reflects a need or a feeling. Ask yourself “What does this person feel, need, or want?”
Does the environment impact the immediate situation? Do you have the ability to change the location of the interaction? Something as simple as going to another room can have a significant impact on the outcome of the interaction.
Finally, ask yourself “How do I best respond?” And that can be very different from one interaction to the next.
With that being said, we should look at ways to engage in these conversations. When children are upset or in some degree of crisis, they will turn to people they trust for support. If you have to open a proverbial “can of worms,” that subject could be the reason they become upset. Remember, they’re not upset at YOU—they’re upset by the feelings being brought up.
Non-verbal communication is extremely important. In a conversation, studies have shown that 55% of messages come from facial expressions, 38% come from tone of voice, and only 7% come from the words used! Your facial expressions, eye contact, posture, and allowing silence (give a moment to allow thoughts to form into words) are all pieces of non-verbal communication, and can carry a significant impact on the conversation.
Encouraging and eliciting responses from the young person is the next step. During these conversations, who’s thoughts and feelings are more important? This is your time to help the young person express themselves. Your tone of voice should be calm, respectful and non-threatening. Use minimal encouragements (“go on,” “I see,” “uh-huh”) that allow them the opening to speak more. Open questions/door openers can be used to further explore the young person’s thoughts and feelings (“tell me more about that,” “how did you feel when that happened”). Avoid asking “why” or questions that can be answered “yes/no” because they tend to close off the flow of communication.
All people want to be heard, understood, and validated. Using reflective responses (“I hear you, you’re upset that DCF got involved. Yeah, I’d probably be pissed too if I was in your shoes.”) is a way to validate and affirm what the person is feeling. If done correctly, this will encourage the young person to continue speaking. Summarization is useful for helping both parties understand the meaning of what has been said. It gives feedback after the young person has expressed their thoughts and feelings and helps pull together the content and meaning.
Active listening combines nonverbal and verbal techniques. It’s the ability to identify what young people are feeling and then to communicate that understanding back to them. When we encourage people to express their feelings and we reflect and validate those feelings, people tend to calm down. In having “hard conversations,” it is important to remember that our goal is to teach and support—and young people are open to this when they feel they are being heard, validated, and cared about. Active listening demonstrates concern, empathy, the desire to help, and respect for that young person.