While you were gone we copied these notes into our notebooks, then taped in the second page into our notebooks. I have copies of these for you when you return, but you can use these to help you revise your argument paragraphs.

Students also completed the “Commentary Competition” – it is attached as well, but I have paper copies here for you if you don’t print it and complete when you return.

Commentary Notes (Copy or glue into notebook)

Questions for Writing Commentary/Warrant – Ask Yourself:

  • What do I need to make sure the reader understands about this evidence? (Re-explain the evidence.)
  • Why is this evidence especially important?
  • How does it prove and support the claim?

The Importance of BECAUSE

“Because” is a word that tells a readerthey are about to hear an explanation. It signals significance and relationship. It’s an effective word to use when writing commentary. Take a look:

  • These statistics are important because they point to the positive effects school uniforms can have on attendance, behavior, and academic achievement.
  • School decision-makers must pay attention to such experiences because they prove that school uniforms will decrease the levels of violence and bullying.

I have a copy of this for you when you return so you can just wait and tape it in later, but here’s a copy so you have it

Strong Commentary Verbs
from Rules for Writers by Diana Hacker

Use these verbs when writing commentary.

acknowledges / compares / insists / claims
adds / confirms / notes / underscores
admits / declares / observes / exemplifies
agrees / denies / points outs / implies
argues / emphasizes / rejects / proves
asserts / highlights / reports / exhibits
believes / illustrates / responds / suggests

Complex Commentary Questions

  • How would you re-explain this piece of evidence?
  • What is especially important about this piece of evidence?
  • How does this piece of evidence prove your claim?
  • What new point can you make about the claim using this evidence?
  • What does this evidence reveal about your claim that the other evidence does not?

I have a copy of this for you in class, but if you want to get it done sooner, here is a copy. Download and complete.

Commentary Competition

Instructions:

  1. Read each paragraph carefully and identify the debatable claim.
  2. Underline the evidence in each paragraph.
  3. Highlight the commentary in each paragraph.
  4. Determine how complex the commentary in each paragraph is: (don’t write these out, just think about them)
  5. Does it repeat itself?
  6. Does it show why the evidence is significant?
  7. Does it explain how the evidence supports the claim?
  8. Does it thoroughly explain all aspects of the evidence?
  9. Rank the paragraphs from best commentary (1) to weakest commentary (3). Explain your ranking at the bottom of the page.

Rank / Paragraph
From “School Uniforms” in Teen Ink by Anonymous in South Setauket, NY

School uniforms improve students’ academic performance. School uniforms would eliminate the distractions created by the designer clothing (“Update: School Uniforms”). Uniforms will force students to focus their attention on the teacher and not on one another’s clothing. This will help students perform better on exams. A South Carolina State University researched Charleston Secondary School in 1996 and found that having school uniforms, promoted higher attendance and better academic scores (Konheim-Kalkstein, “A Uniform Look”). In the 1980’s, a number of studies found that the average test scores of Catholic-school students exceeded over test scores of students attending in the public schools. Researchers thought this happened because Catholic-school students were subjected to uniforms (“Update: School Uniforms”). If students are being bullied for their choice of clothing, then they might have difficulties focusing on his or her studies. This destroys the positive learning environment in schools and affects the student’s ability to learn (Schier, 30). So, school uniforms would help students’ score higher on exams.
from “School Uniforms” in Teen Ink by trihope from Evanston, WY

Kids will dress more appropriately if schools have uniforms. For example, Virginia Draa, an assistant professor at Youngstown State University said, “I really went in thinking uniforms don’t make a difference. But, I came away seeing that they do. I was absolutely floored!” In Tulsa, Oklahoma, the dress code in public schools says students can’t wear anything gang related, no baggy clothing, and no holes in clothes. The most important part of the dress code is no bandanas, pajamas, or shorts. So, if schools had uniforms, they wouldn’t have problems with kids not dressing under the school dress code.
From “Let’s All Be the Same” in Teen Ink by Chanivass in Evanston, WY

Not only will school uniforms help the students be more focused on schoolwork, they will also be saving parents money. Rather than parents spending hundreds of dollars on school clothes for the new school year, parents will already have a school uniform from the year prior, or they can buy at least four new outfits for an entire year. “My daughter Bianca doesn’t have to spend much time in the morning deciding what she is going to wear, and I save money so I have more money for other things besides clothes,” says Ronda Colker who has a daughter attending Greenwich High School. Schools might even make a little profit on the uniforms, depending on the school. They can take a little percentage from the uniform profit and use it for new school equipment. All together everyone will be benefiting from uniforms.

Why did you rank the paragraphs as you did? Explain your thinking below.