Funeral Stage 2

Kathleen Fuller Taylor – Trainer Resource – V1.1

CELEBRANTS’ TRAINING COURSE: FUNERALS STAGE 2

TRAINER RESOURCE: KATHLEEN FULLER TAYLOR

1917 - 2010

Steph Bramwell talking to Phillip Taylor about the funeral arrangements for his mother, Kathleen. (Steph calls him Phil).

DVD lasts 45 minutes (less than a normal family meeting)

There are two questions flagged up early in the meeting.

1. What sort of questions has Steph started with?

2. How do we feel about silence?

v

Phil says 'we don't know where the name 'Fuller' came from - but it made her a fuller person'.

Kathleen had lung cancer. Went downhill very quickly after diagnosis. Went into coma and died at home. Phillip with her. Phillip says 'that silence that follows the last breath is the deepest you'll ever have'.

Her older sister, Joan, used to be district nurse, and helped with her care. (Joan is 96). 'A great help'.

Kathleen from family of 5 - 3 boys and 2 girls. She was 3rd youngest. Only Joan now still alive. She hopes to attend funeral.

Kathleen born in Beccles, grew up in Carlton Colville (suburb of Lowestoft). Father shipwright on Broads, then worked as carpenter in Lowestoft bus garage. 'A country girl'

Started work as scullery maid in 'posh house on hill' at about 17/18. Then kitchen maid. Wanted to learn to cook. Loved cooking. Had a spoon in her kitchen with message on it 'Cooking is like love, it should be entered into with abandon or not at all'.

A brilliant cook - a different meal every night. Not fancy. Taught Phillip to cook (latterly he was cooking for her, freezing meals, or getting meals on wheels for her if he was away).

Kathleen not a great churchgoer. Phillip - 'Mum believed in people, and in the goodness of people'.

Great gardener. Front garden was a picture. She did flowers in front, Fred (husband) did veg in the back.

Told by gipsy that she'd marry a man with gold rings on his sleeve. Didn't turn out to be the sailor she was going out with.

Became professional cook, and worked looking after a house in London. Met Fred at a dance (Hammersmith Palais?). He was Geordie, had been down pit.

Eventually worked as engineer for Imperial Airways and BOAC, so had gold rings on his sleeve. During first dance she said 'you stink of whisky' and he replied 'Well pet, that's because I've been drinking it'.

He was posted all over the world. Kathleen gave up work, had children, and went too. Sicily, Tripoli (had a job in Tripoli for a week - only time she worked after marriage), Baghdad, Rome, Tehran, Barbados, Lagos. She learnt recipes everywhere, and cooked them for the family. Quite adventurous: all sorts of different foods.

Three children - Jim, Phillip and Caroline. J and C both live in Canada so most practical caring been done by Phillip. Kathleen 'not demanding'. Last few years more difficult.

Loved travelling , flowers, gardens, food, people. Fred called her 'a simple lass' - she knew what she loved. Loved Phillip's friends.

Family had house in Ashford. Used to let it out when abroad. Often came back to find it in a state. Once had been a murder in house. Had to redecorate every time. That's where she and Fred settled. Lived there about 25 years. Fred died about 10 years ago. Aged 83. Parkinsons.

In retirement - gardening, cooking. Both loved walking. They spent 9 months in caravan touring Europe. Later visited Australia. Both got to stage when it was enough to walk by Thames/be in garden.

Calm and peaceful person. Didn't argue. Very loving. Long marriage, missed him a lot.

Include poem by Joyce Grenfell.

If I should go before the rest of you,

Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone,

Nor, when I’m gone, speak in a Sunday voice,

But be the usual selves that I have known.

Weep if you must,

Parting is hell,

But life goes on,

So sing as well.

Phillip doesn't feel he can read it. Will ask Jim or Caroline, or one of their cousins.

Kathleen and Fred had a rack of records, sometimes just sat and read and listened to music together. All sorts, from My Fair Lady to Mozart, La Boheme to South Pacific. Her favourite song was Stranger on the Shore by Acker Bilk. Include in ceremony.

Steph explains crem can download whatever music is requested. Suggests talking to Jim and Caroline to decide choices.

Steph draws picture of crem to show doors/seats/lectern/catafalque. Offers options about entry of coffin/mourners and options about committal. (This crem doesn't have curtains so either the coffin moves or it remains in place).

Phil breaks down and cries. Steph waits and offers hanky.

At about 39 minutes, another question is flagged:

3. What more information is needed before the meeting closes?

Steph checks announcements to be make, (back to the house, and wine - 'she liked her wine, and we'll be raising a glass') and checks if leaflet is being prepared.

Asks for contact details to talk to Jim and Caroline.

Confirms she will email draft script for checking.

Checks Phil has her contact details. Sums up the things they need to decide: music/speakers etc.

1