Caring for E.G.R.S in Your Small Groups (When Extra Grace Is Required)

Folder: Leadership, Other Authors

Labels: Life Challenges, Personal Problems, Conflict, Group Dynamic, Group Members, Attitude, Boundaries, Transparency

Caring for E.G.R.s in your small groups (when extra grace is required)

by Steve Gladen

In the life of any small group, there comes a time when the leader has concerns and struggles about how to handle difficult people in the group. With many different personalities attending a small group each week, the small group leader must have a firm handle on how to identify and care for each personality within the group.

We call group members who present special challenges "E.G.R.s" (extra grace required). If not handled properly, an E.G.R. will impede the dynamic and overall chances for health and balance in the small groups they attend.

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May you and your group experience the richness of God’s grace this next month,

Caring for E.G.R.s in your small groups (when extra grace is required)
by Steve Gladen

And we urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly,
encourage the fainthearted,
help the weak,be
patient with all men.
1 Thessalonians 5:14 (NASB)

Wecall group members who present special challenges "E.G.R.s" (extra grace required). If not handled properly, an E.G.R. will impede the dynamic and overall chances forhealth and balancein the small groups they attend.

In looking at the issue of how the small group leader can better care for E.G.R.s, the Apostle Paul gives us three distinct E.G.R. personalities and the remedies for getting a better handle on ministering and caring for these individuals.

E.G.R. type one – the unruly

The unruly group member seems to have a knack for drawing the life out of the group. Week after week, they use the small group as a therapy couch, lamenting about all of the problems in their lives (which never seem to improve). This type of E.G.R. is completely unaware of how much of the small group's time they are actually consuming. Upon closer observation, the unruly E.G.R. might be properly labeled as "most demanding of attention."

Unruly E.G.R.s tend to be:

Needy
Controlling
Loud
Opinionated
Non-repentant
Conflict-driven

The remedy – to admonish:

Pray with them about their potential in Christ and challenge their spiritual growth.
Remember that they are often under attack from Satan and that you are not warring with flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12).
Understand the art of confrontation (staying one "intensity step" above them).
Attempt to make them an ally. Enlist them to help you draw out others in the group who don't speak up as much.
Talk with them privately about their tendency to consume the group's time.
Caution them that continued behavior will result in their dismissal.
Control the amount of time each person has to share. ("All of us will have one minute to share on this issue.")

E.G.R. type two – the fainthearted

The fainthearted E.G.R. will most likely resemble the "church mouse" of the group. This type of E.G.R. may have recently taken a spiritual inventory and started making life changes in response to the way he or she views God. This person may spend months just attending, listening, and "taking it all in." The fainthearted E.G.R. is usually not used to sharing about faith issues or praying with other believers and feels threatened if the small group leader puts him or her "on the spot."

Fainthearted E.G.R.s tend to be:

Quiet
Timid
Wary
Fearful
Guarded (non-transparent)
Lacking self-esteem
Under construction in their fait

The remedy – to encourage:

Cheer them on in their spiritual growth.
Pray that God would encourage them to open up over time. Until then, be patient.
Understand that God is using the group to help them evaluate and grow in their faith.
Tenderly affirm that their attendance is important and appreciated.
Be careful not to put them on the spot during sharing time.
Gently remind them that God is in control of their lives.
Build on the positive aspects of their personality and character.
Affirm them sincerely any time they share.

E.G.R. type three – the weak

The weak E.G.R. is often struggling to "get off the mat" in their lives. The storms of life have blown harshly. Many Christian E.G.R.s in this category have recently experienced a death in the family, lost a job, or lost everything due to a substance abuse problem. They come to the group bewildered and wonder if God really cares for them. Many of these E.G.R.s are living day-to-day with economic and emotional pressures. They are just trying to survive.

Another E.G.R. in this category is the non-believer who is attempting to get closer to God, but finds it increasingly difficult to draw closer because of an addictive, sinful lifestyle.

Weak E.G.R.s tend to be:

Faithless
Highly sensitive
Recovering from tragedy
Barely surviving
Non-committal
In bondage to a sinful lifestyle
Exhibiting destructive habits

The remedy – to help:

Offer personal gestures of care and concern (cards, e-mails, phone calls).
Make sure they feel loved and affirmed by the group.
Never ignore them.
"Take them by the hand" and encourage baby steps toward spiritual health.
Counsel them to take life one day at a time.
Give specific guidance about decisions and next steps as appropriate.
Offer special gifts of grace and benevolence as God directs.
Model extreme levels of patience and understanding.

We all require extra grace at times. By encouraging your small group leaders to recognize and understand the E.G.R.s in their groups, you'll help your whole church grow to the next level of spiritual health and maturity.