BLOCKS TO COMMUNICATION

DECS Mentoring 2008 - Re-printed with permission of Northern Metropolitan Community Health Service and Shopfront Youth Health and Information Service
True Colours Training Manual: Self esteem Program for Young Women

  • Low self esteem
  • Shyness
  • Hearing what we want to hear (‘wishful thinking’)
  • Lack of knowledge or information on a particular topic
  • Preoccupations
  • Not paying attention
  • Bad timing
  • Physical and mental illness and disabilities
  • Unresolved conflict
  • Cultural factors
  • Negative body language such as distracting behaviour.
  • Anger and violence
  • Isolation
  • Not actively listening
  • Noise
  • Interruptions
  • Uncomfortable or unsuitable physical environment.
  • Being under the influence of drugs and alcohol
  • Showing of emotion eg. Crying
  • Offensive language
  • Talking excessively
  • Not getting appropriate feedback
  • Taking feedback personally
  • Clothes / outward appearance
  • Making assumptions eg. Stereotyping
  • Closing out minds
  • Lack of trust
  • Using jargon or words people don’t understand
  • Tone and volume of voice
  • Standing too far or too close
  • Touching in appropriately
  • Lack of eye contact or too much
  • Having prejudices and biases
  • Being emotionally too close or too distant
  • Verbals and non-verbals not matching.

DECS Mentoring 2008 - Re-printed with permission of Northern Metropolitan Community Health Service and Shopfront Youth Health and Information Service
True Colours Training Manual: Self esteem Program for Young Women

AIDS TO COMMUNICATION

DECS Mentoring 2008 - Re-printed with permission of Northern Metropolitan Community Health Service and Shopfront Youth Health and Information Service
True Colours Training Manual: Self esteem Program for Young Women

  • Appropriate eye contact
  • Positive body language
  • Active listening
  • Honesty
  • Trust
  • Comfortable and safe atmosphere
  • Minimising distractions and interruptions
  • Confidence
  • High self esteem
  • Good timing
  • Open feedback
  • Using feedback constructively
  • Giving clear and specific messages
  • Suitable physical environment
  • Not jumping to conclusions
  • Using words that people will understand (appropriate language)
  • Clear and steady voice
  • Respecting the personal space of others
  • Using touch appropriately
  • Clothes / outward appearances.
  • Showing of emotion e.g. crying
  • Being focussed
  • Paying attention
  • Matching verbals and non-verbals
  • Using assertive statements such as “ I think…”, “I feel…”
  • Being informed and aware
  • Keeping an open mind
  • Check that meaning is accurate.

DECS Mentoring 2008 - Re-printed with permission of Northern Metropolitan Community Health Service and Shopfront Youth Health and Information Service
True Colours Training Manual: Self esteem Program for Young Women

COMMUNCIATION KILLERS

(Source: Cornelius & Faire, 1989)

Communication Killer

/

Example

THREATS
Produce fear, submission, resentment, hostility / “If you’re not able to get to work on time we’ll have to review your job here.” “Do it or else…”
ORDERS
Using Power over another / “I’ll see you immediately in my office.”
“Don’t ask me why, just do it because it said so.”
CRITICISM
Put Downs / “You don’t work hard enough.” “You’re always complaining.”
NAME CALLING
‘Branding” the other person / “Only and idiot would say that.” “You stupid fool.” “What can you expect from a bureaucrat?”
‘SHOULDERING’ OR ‘OUGHTING’
/ “You should be more responsible.” “You ought to face facts.” “You shouldn’t be so angry.”
WITHHOLDING RELEVANT INFORMATION (with a trap at the end) / “You’ll love this project” (not saying how much work is involved).
INTERROGATION / “How many hours did that take you?”
“How much did this cost?” “Why are you so late?” “ What are you doing?”
PRAISING TO MANIPULATE / “You’re so good at report writing, will you do this one for me?”
DIAGNOSING MOTIVES / “You’re very possessive.” “You’ve always had a problem with motivation.”
UNTIMELY ADVICE (when the person just wants to be heard.) / “If you’d just straighten up your desk, you would not be in this panic.” “Why didn’t you do it this way?” “Just ignore them.”
PERSUADING WITH LOGIC / “There’s nothing to be upset about. It’s all perfectly reasonable.”
REFUSING TO ADDRESS THE ISSUE / “There’s nothing to discuss. I can’t see any problems.”
CHANGING THE TOPIC / “That’s interesting … I saw a funny movie last night.”
TOPPING / “I had a dreadful car accident last week.” “You should have seen the one I had.”
REASSURANCE BY NEGATION / “Don’t be nervous.” “Don’t worry, it will work out.” “You’ll be fine.” “You look terrific.”

DECS Mentoring 2008 - Re-printed with permission of Northern Metropolitan Community Health Service and Shopfront Youth Health and Information Service
True Colours Training Manual: Self esteem Program for Young Women

SOME WAYS WE BLOCK COMMUNICATION

ORDERINGADVISINGRIDICULINGSMPATHISING

You must, you have toWhy don’t you, it would be best ifOK Know-it-all, you spilt bratDon’t worry, you’ll feel better

WARNINGLECTURINGDIAGNOSINGUNDERMINING

You’d better, if you don’t then.Do you realise, the facts areWhat you need is,You’re nothing but…

What’s wrong with you is

MORALISINGJUDGINGINTERROGATING

You should, you ought to:You are wrong, you are acting stupidlywhy…who…how

(Source Unknown: Not an original document)

DECS Mentoring 2008 - Re-printed with permission of Northern Metropolitan Community Health Service and Shopfront Youth Health and Information Service
True Colours Training Manual: Self esteem Program for Young Women

BARRIERS TO EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
  1. Criticising
  2. Name Calling
  3. Diagnosing
  4. Praising Evaluatively
  1. Ordering
  2. Threatening
  3. Moralising
  4. Excessive / Inappropriate Questioning
  1. Advising
  2. Diverting
  3. Logical Argument
  4. Reassuring

.

(Source: Bolton, 1986)

DECS Mentoring 2008 - Re-printed with permission of Northern Metropolitan Community Health Service and Shopfront Youth Health and Information Service
True Colours Training Manual: Self esteem Program for Young Women