Blocks to Communication

BLOCKS TO COMMUNICATION

DECS Mentoring 2008 - Re-printed with permission of Northern Metropolitan Community Health Service and Shopfront Youth Health and Information Service
True Colours Training Manual: Self esteem Program for Young Women

Low self esteem
Shyness
Hearing what we want to hear (‘wishful thinking’)
Lack of knowledge or information on a particular topic
Preoccupations
Not paying attention
Bad timing
Physical and mental illness and disabilities
Unresolved conflict
Cultural factors
Negative body language such as distracting behaviour.
Anger and violence
Isolation
Not actively listening
Noise
Interruptions
Uncomfortable or unsuitable physical environment.
Being under the influence of drugs and alcohol
Showing of emotion eg. Crying
Offensive language
Talking excessively
Not getting appropriate feedback
Taking feedback personally
Clothes / outward appearance
Making assumptions eg. Stereotyping
Closing out minds
Lack of trust
Using jargon or words people don’t understand
Tone and volume of voice
Standing too far or too close
Touching in appropriately
Lack of eye contact or too much
Having prejudices and biases
Being emotionally too close or too distant
Verbals and non-verbals not matching.

AIDS TO COMMUNICATION

Appropriate eye contact
Positive body language
Active listening
Honesty
Trust
Comfortable and safe atmosphere
Minimising distractions and interruptions
Confidence
High self esteem
Good timing
Open feedback
Using feedback constructively
Giving clear and specific messages
Suitable physical environment
Not jumping to conclusions

Using words that people will understand (appropriate language)
Clear and steady voice
Respecting the personal space of others
Using touch appropriately
Clothes / outward appearances.
Showing of emotion e.g. crying
Being focussed
Paying attention
Matching verbals and non-verbals
Using assertive statements such as “ I think…”, “I feel…”
Being informed and aware
Keeping an open mind
Check that meaning is accurate.

COMMUNCIATION KILLERS

(Source: Cornelius & Faire, 1989)

Communication Killer

Example

THREATS

Produce fear, submission, resentment, hostility / “If you’re not able to get to work on time we’ll have to review your job here.” “Do it or else…”

ORDERS

Using Power over another / “I’ll see you immediately in my office.”
“Don’t ask me why, just do it because it said so.”

CRITICISM

Put Downs / “You don’t work hard enough.” “You’re always complaining.”

NAME CALLING

‘Branding” the other person / “Only and idiot would say that.” “You stupid fool.” “What can you expect from a bureaucrat?”

‘SHOULDERING’ OR ‘OUGHTING’

/ “You should be more responsible.” “You ought to face facts.” “You shouldn’t be so angry.”
WITHHOLDING RELEVANT INFORMATION (with a trap at the end) / “You’ll love this project” (not saying how much work is involved).
INTERROGATION / “How many hours did that take you?”
“How much did this cost?” “Why are you so late?” “ What are you doing?”
PRAISING TO MANIPULATE / “You’re so good at report writing, will you do this one for me?”
DIAGNOSING MOTIVES / “You’re very possessive.” “You’ve always had a problem with motivation.”
UNTIMELY ADVICE (when the person just wants to be heard.) / “If you’d just straighten up your desk, you would not be in this panic.” “Why didn’t you do it this way?” “Just ignore them.”
PERSUADING WITH LOGIC / “There’s nothing to be upset about. It’s all perfectly reasonable.”
REFUSING TO ADDRESS THE ISSUE / “There’s nothing to discuss. I can’t see any problems.”
CHANGING THE TOPIC / “That’s interesting … I saw a funny movie last night.”
TOPPING / “I had a dreadful car accident last week.” “You should have seen the one I had.”
REASSURANCE BY NEGATION / “Don’t be nervous.” “Don’t worry, it will work out.” “You’ll be fine.” “You look terrific.”

SOME WAYS WE BLOCK COMMUNICATION

ORDERINGADVISINGRIDICULINGSMPATHISING

You must, you have toWhy don’t you, it would be best ifOK Know-it-all, you spilt bratDon’t worry, you’ll feel better

WARNINGLECTURINGDIAGNOSINGUNDERMINING

You’d better, if you don’t then.Do you realise, the facts areWhat you need is,You’re nothing but…

What’s wrong with you is

MORALISINGJUDGINGINTERROGATING

You should, you ought to:You are wrong, you are acting stupidlywhy…who…how

(Source Unknown: Not an original document)

BARRIERS TO EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

Criticising
Name Calling
Diagnosing
Praising Evaluatively

Ordering
Threatening
Moralising
Excessive / Inappropriate Questioning

Advising
Diverting
Logical Argument
Reassuring

(Source: Bolton, 1986)