Audrey’s Eulogy
Having recently taken up an interest in family trees, I can’t help but give you a bit of family history first. Like many Australians of her generation, my mother Audrey had grandparents who were born overseas and arrived during the boom years of the 1850s and 60s. On the Brown side, her grandparents were born in Scotland. On the Thwaites side, however, her grandfather the Rev Robert Thwaites was born in Melbourne.
The Thwaites were early pioneers, having arrived in Melbourne in 1842 when the colony was only seven years old. They first lived in a house where Young and Jackson’s is now. Many of us will remember the celebration of the 150th anniversary of the arrival of the Thwaites in Melbourne, which was held at the house of Moris Thwaites in 1992. In the video that follows, you will see several photos taken at that event.
Audrey sometimes mentioned that a relative of hers was the first chief engineer of the Board of Works. This was the Revered Robert’s cousin William Thwaites, and we now know, due to Robert La Nauze’s excellent book, just what a significant figure William Thwaites was. Amongst other things, he designed the Melbourne sewerage system, with the pumping station at Spotswood, which at the time was the biggest dry land outfall system in the world. It was sorely needed and its contribution to the improvement of the health and wellbeing of the citizens of Melbourne cannot be overstated.
Another anecdote I can relate about William Thwaites, from Robert’s book, was that being a keen proponent of the engineering school at Melbourne University, he once stood for election against the Archbishop of Melbourne for a position on the University council, and won. Such was his popularity that when he died, his funeral cortege extended for more than a mile.
His cousin, the Revered Robert Thwaites, was the Minister of the Anglican Church in St Arnaud. Audrey recalled being told about an episode where her father was noticed to be missing from church one Sunday. It turned out he was off organising a horse race instead.
Audrey’s father was George Frederick Thwaites and her mothers family was also from the Western Districts. George may have met Audrey’s mother Olive May Brown, in StArnaud. They were married in Albert Park and Audrey, their third child, was born in 1916 at Nimmo St, Middle Park. At that time, her older sister Peg and bother George were already at school.
Audrey’s father worked at the head office of the National Bank of Australasia in Collins St. Soon after, he took a position as the bank manager in Drouin. Audrey had a clear memory of one episode that occurred there when they got their first car, an Overland, imported from England.
Her father went to Melbourne to take delivery, but some corks in the cooling system had not been removed and it overheated on the way back to Drouin. In the early 1920s the arrival of a car in Drouin was something of an event and a small crowd gathered. The overheating was a problem and little Audrey, demonstrating an early capacity neverto be lost for words piped up “There’s something wrong with it and its not even paid for yet”. Her father responded “Shut that child up!”
Later they moved to Benalla, where they lived at the back of the Bank. Her family played tennis and croquet. Audrey adored her father and must have pestered him at times. She recalled that her father used to tell her “Go and tell your mother she wants you”.
She had a happy time there and later when our family went on holidays up the Hume Highway, when passing through Benalla, she would never fail to mention how she used to swim in the river thereand that her father was the bank manager.
When Audrey was about 13, they moved to Williamstown and lived at the back of the bank in Nelson Place. Soon after, her father developed a gall stone and died. My father Norman’s father also died when he was a similar age.
After that, the family moved to Gordon St, Elsternwick and Audrey wentto Elwood Middle School and later Melbourne Girls High.
In Audrey’s grandparents days there were big families and she could always reel off the names of her Thwaites uncles and aunties: “Reg, George, Winnie, Dora, Bob, Ali, Bert.” She had, I think, 11 cousins on the Brown side and 17 on the Thwaites side. Moris Thwaites is now the last surviving cousin of that generation.
Because Audrey was much younger than her two sibling she often lamented tous of how she was left out of family holidays, but yet still happy to spend time instead with her uncle Reg and his family. There are many photos of the young Audrey with her cousins Jack and Lorna, as you will see in the video.
Audrey met her husband Norman James Perkins playing tennis in Armidale. They were married on the leap day, 29 Feb 1940. Soon after they went live at 8 Neath street Surrey Hills, which is where my earliest recollections begin. Audrey’s mother Olive, who we knew as Nanny Thwaites, lived close by.
When I was 7 we moved to 27 Monomeath Avenue Canterbury, which is where we grew up. We still have fond memories of it. Nanny Thwaites came to live withus for several years until she died. The property had a big garden an both my parents took great pride in it.
Sometimes after school friends would come over and we would play cards, something that she too was fond of. I remember that one time a friend said to me “I wish I had a mother like that”. It surprised me, but it was a true indication of what a special kind of mother she was.
When we grew up and left home we started our independent lives. Sometimes I think I was a bit too independent for my parents liking. They devoted themselves to the garden, lawn bowls and other activities. They were keen overseas travellers. When I lived in London for a few years in the 70s, they visited several times and we took off on some memorable holidays.
After this, they moved house several times and ended up at 3 Reid St Balwyn. During this time I would visit them regularly as we maintained the long family tradition of a roast dinner for Sunday lunch.
In the early 1990s, my father suffered a series of mini-stokes and his mental capacity started to deteriorate. My father was a kind man, and Audrey would never hear a word against him, but I think it is fair to say that throughout their married life he never really encouraged Audrey to make the most of her capabilities. Norman never thought that she could manage their financial affairs, but when she took over this task, when he was unable to, she did it extremely effectively.
As their capabilities receded, they moved to new serviced apartments in King St East Doncaster. My father’s condition deteriorated and he moved to a nursing home in Ringwood where he eventually lost all his mental capacity. Despite this Audrey went to visit him every day until he died in 1997. She stayed with him till the very end. Such was her love and dedication.
Soon after this she announced to me that “I’m coming over to your place sometimes on weekends and I’m going to stay in that little room at the back”. Thus began a tradition, which lasted for about 10 years, where she would come over by taxi to StKilda every second weekend. She was always welcome. We always had a good time together.
During this time my own life experience dealt several highs and lowsand Audrey was a constant source of comfort and support. She became not just a mother but a true friend and confidant to me.
In 2007 she could no longer stay overnight. She moved to the nursing home Central Park in Punt Rd Windsor. At this time circumstances also transpired that my daughter Alice was able to stay with me at least every Thursday. Thus began another tradition. I was able to collect Audrey in her wheelchair and we had Thursdays togetherfor the last five years almost without fail. Thursdays will never be the same again.
When I saw her last she was still lucid, still concerned about all the affairs of all members of her family. She died in her sleep, just as she wanted.
Thank you Audrey for all the wonderful times we had. You were far more than a mother to me. You will live on in our memories. We will never forget you.