Submitted by Menachem Vinegard
AS FAR AS A MAN POSSIBLY CAN - -Damon Runyon
1. For thirty years old Dan Cole is sheriff of the county of which
my old hometown out West is the county seat, and for twenty-nine years
Dan Cole is never known to smile.
2. He is a very old man when he dies, maybe seventy-five years old, a little too old to be sheriff, but he is elected every term until he dies, and nobody ever has the nerve to run against him because everybody back in my old home county knows that no matter how old he is, and no matter what comes, Dan Cole will uphold the law.
3. He is a tall, fine-looking old man, as straight as an arrow, any way you take him, with long white whiskers and a steady eye. But there is something about old Dan Cole that when he looks at you it makes you feel most peculiar. It makes you feel as if a dead man is looking at you, and in fact my Grandpap says Dan Cole is really dead for twenty-nine years.
4. He is dead inside him, my Grandpap says, and the reason he is dead goes back to the night twenty-nine years ago, in the second year Dan Cole is elected sheriff, and his son, George Cole, leads the mob up Santa Fe Avenue to the county jail to lynch Doc Willoughby. That is the night Dan Cole dies inside him, my Grandpap says, and that is also the night Dan Cole smiles for the last time. Furthermore, it is the night that one and all in my old home county decide that the law will be upheld as long as Dan Cole is sheriff.
5. This son of Dan Cole's is a young fellow maybe about twenty-five years old and as reckless a young squirt as you will wish to see. He is always up to some devilment or other, what with drinking and carousing around, but everybody likes George Cole because, with everything else, he is good-looking and always has a smile on his face, which he gets from his old man.
6. In those days Dan Cole is called Smiling Dan on account of his smile. He is a railroad conductor when he is first elected sheriff running out of my old hometown on the Rio Grande, and people are known to wait for his train just to see Dan smile. His wife, Mrs. Cole is also quite a smiler in her time, but she dies before this thing I am going to tell you about comes off and it is just as well at that.
7. Well, like every young squirt's old man back in my old hometown. Dan Cole does his best to keep George out of trouble, and gives him a good larruping whenever he can catch him, but naturally he loves George no little on account of George being his only child, and maybe he also overlooks a few things here and there.
8. Anyway, George grows up to be plenty wild, and the night Doc Willoughby kills Frankie Hernandez, young George is doing a bit of drinking in the Log Cabin saloon, where the railroad men hang out.
9. This Doc Willoughby is a no-account kind of guy, who spends most of his time in the saloons around and about, and Frankie Hernandez is a very popular fellow, who runs the Tivoli Hotel. He is quite a good-time Charley in his way when he gets going, and the night he is killed by Doc Willoughby, Frankie is drinking somewhat, and he knocks Doc off the sidewalk and takes a kick or two at him. The chances are Frankie means no harm, but while he is kicking Doc around and about Doc outs with a six-pistol and from the ground he shoots Frankie through the breast pocket, killing him quicker than somewhat.
10. Well, along comes Sheriff Dan Cole and takes Doc to the county jail, and the next thing anybody knows young George Cole is raising a mob to snatch Doc out of the sneezer and hang him up somewhere by the neck. Of course this is rather a popular move, and George has no trouble getting up quite a mob, and away they go to the jail out Santa Fe Avenue.
11. It is pretty late at night when the mob gets to the jail, and who is standing on the front steps, with a revolver in each hand, but Sheriff Dan Cole, smiling like all get-out, and saying very cheerful to the mob:" Hello, boys! What is the idea?"
12. " Hello, Dad," young George says. " Me and these other boys come to get Doc Willoughby for killing our pal, Frankie Hernandez." " Well," Dan Cole says, still smiling, you will have to go away without him, and the quicker you go the better it will be for you. I am the sheriff of this county, and sworn to uphold the law." " You get out of the way, Dad," young George says. " You know we are going to get Doc Willoughby- Come on, boys," he says to the rest of the mob, which is mumbling and muttering behind him.
Sheriff Dan Cole is still smiling as he says " Now looky here, boys-looky here,
George, I will have to kill the first man to make another step this way- Go on
back down town, like good boys, and have a drink on me at the Log Cabin."
13. Now then, the mob figures there is no chance of Dan Cole shooting his own son, and it keeps mumbling and muttering and telling George to go ahead, when Dan raises one hand and says: " Boys, I mean what I tell you -I will kill the first man that takes a step. George, you know me well enough to know I will do what I say. George, if you love your old dad, go on back down town-"
14. Well, maybe George figures from this last crack that his old man is weakening, because he makes a sudden rush, and the mob rushes with him.
15. Sheriff Dan Cole's smile disappears as this rush starts, and nobody ever sees it on his face again as long as he lives. He raises the gun in his right hand, and without an instant's hesitation it goes "bowie", and down goes young George Cole as dead as a doorknob.
16. Then Dan Cole raises the gun in his left hand, and " bowie." down goes
Herman Catterson. the pawnbroker, as dead as a doorknob. Then Dan Cole raises
both guns together and " bowie, bowie" down go Kit Ordway and Sime Sowder,
one dead and the other badly hurt.
17. Now the rest of the mob turns and runs, because they figure Sheriff Dan Cole means business, and in two minutes you cannot see any of them for heel dust. Then Sheriff Dan Cole picks up the body of George Cole and carries it into the jail, leaving the rest for the coroner and the doctors, and some of the trusties in the jail say he sits beside young George all night long, crying pretty hard. Well, anyway, for twenty-nine years there is an argument going on back in my old home town as to how far a man should go in the performance of his duty, but no matter what anybody says, one and all always agree that old Dan Cole goes about as far as a man possibly can.
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