AP Language and Composition Mrs. Hampsey /Ms. DiSavino
NAME ______
______
20 pts.
EDIT NOTE 30B - AVOID WORDINESS
A sentence that uses more words than necessary is boring. The extra words smother the meaning. The writer with a sharp eye can spot excess words and delete them during revision. One kind of wordiness arises from needless repetition of a word or from needless use of words with similar meanings.
EX: Hard work alone is not the only thing you need. (wordy)
Hark work is not the only thing you need. (revised)
Wordiness often results from using a group of words when a single word will suffice.
EX: In the case of physics, you would probably agree that physics is too hard for most
young people in the tenth grade. (wordy)
You would probably agree that physics is too hard for most tenth grade students.
(revised)
Sentences lose their effectiveness and become awkward if a word or a phrase is repeated unnecessarily.
EX: I have chosen a topic that is a frequent topic of conversation today. My topic is
exploiting our natural resources. (wordy)
I have chosen the frequently discussed topic of exploiting our natural resources.
(revised)
INSTRUCTIONS: The following sentences are wordy or needlessly repetitive. Revise them to eliminate these faults. Submit this assignment typed and double spaced.
1. The mirror was round in shape.
2. Maya Angelou wrote an autobiography of her life.
3. The League of Women Voters is a non-partisan organization and is not in favor of any
one political party or candidate.
4. A play that is very interesting and that is very unusual is the play Death and the
Maiden by Ariel Dorfman.
5. It is possible that the United States will launch an orbiting space lab into space within
a short period of time.
6. Albert Einstein wrote in the journal that was kept by him that creative thinking of the
sort that is fresh and new is a variety or type of play.
7. Annie Dillard is a woman author who writes very, very interesting articles and books
about subjects and things in nature and the like.
8. Many nations in the world are anxious to improve their economic conditions to
increase the general wealth and standard of living of people living in them.
9. The graduating class heard much good advice and counsel from the commencement
speakers on the occasion of their commencement exercises.
10. Since my parents spoke two languages, my mother speaking German and my father
speaking French, I grew up learning both French and German from them and English
in school.