Adapted from: Niolon, R. (2005). Solution focused therapy. Partners & Couples. Retrieved on May 27,

2005 from

STAGES OF COUNSELING

PRE-SESSION

  • Key Questions–
  • First set:
  • “What made you decide to call me now?”
  • “What made you decide that now is the right time for counseling?”
  • Second set:
  • “Who else is worried, caring, or trying to help out with the problem?”
  • Third set:
  • “How and how soon would you like to be helped?”
  • “How and how soon do you expect the problem to be solved?”
  • Fourth set:
  • For an individual: “Between now and when we meet, I would like you to pick one thing in your relationship you definitely want to keep happening"
  • For a couple: "Between now and when we meet, I would like you to pick one thing in your relationship you definitely want to keep happening"

SESSIONI: Socializing and Joining

  • The point of the first session is to create an environment where you can host a productive conversation
  • Question the individual/couple -
  • "What brings you here today?"
  • "How can I be helpful to you?"
  • "What have you noticed since you made the call to come in?"
  • "What needs to happen today so that when you leave you'll think 'This was a good session!'"?
  • If the client(s) has been in counseling before, ask things like -
  • "What did the last counselor miss that I should know about?"
  • "What are the mistakes the last counselor made?"
  • "On the way in, what were you most worried I would do? What would 'screw things up worse'?"
  • "Where would the perfect counselor start with a client/couple like you (two)? What would they do?"

SESSION I and Beyond

Describing the Problem/Miracle Question

  • Suppose one night, while you are asleep, a miracle happened and fixed this problem. Only you are asleep, so you don't know it happened. What would be different? How would you know a miracle happened?...
  • You should get very concrete here, with what the couple would notice first, and then what would happen, and then what would happen, and then...
  • You can ask, "If I videotaped you after the miracle, and showed the tape to people who knew you, what would they immediately notice was different from usual? What would they notice next?"
  • Flesh out all the answers with details...
  • Create a "good story" which is inspiring to the listener and teller

The key with this question and others is not to "find out the truth" (which you are really going to help the clientcreate later on), but rather to refocus the client’s attention on the elements he/she/they need to construct a new and positive story of how his/her/their life is going to be

  • Another point for success is that questions are designed to help them get to a new spot, not for you to dig for something (affairs, drinking, parenting problems...)
  • You really do want to avoid the "Why?" and "If...?" questions, which typically provoke blaming and problem discussion, and focus on questions like "How...?" and "When...?" that elicit future, solution focus
  • Change what you talk about by shifting from what's missing to what's present, so
  • "Tyrone is worthless with the checkbook" becomes "Tyrone has to double-check the checkbook"
  • "Sue can't control her temper" becomes "Sue is looking for ways to express anger productively"
  • "Eddie withdraws during fights and drives Jeannie crazy" becomes "Eddie becomes introspective during heated conversations, and Jeannie would like to respond to him supportively more often"
  • Sometimes clients answer with, "I don't know." There's a couple of ways to respond:
  • "How would your life be better if you did know?"
  • Silence –wait at least ten seconds, as if you see the "I don't know" as filler If the client(s) still does not know…
  • "So, suppose you did know. What would you say?"
  • "It's a hard question, and I wouldn't think you would immediately know the answer, but think about it for a moment"
  • "Take a guess, I won't hold you to it"
  • "What would your best friend say if they were here?"

Exception, and Agency and Coping Questions

This is the point where the counselor refocuses the client's attention off of the problem story to the details

  • "When was the last time this was not a problem?" or "Tell me about a time when you avoided this?"
  • Do NOT ask "Was there a time when...?" or "Has there ever been a time when...?"
  • "What was that like?"
  • "Wow! How did you do that?"
  • "What were you doing differently?"
  • "How have you kept this from getting to be a bigger problem?"
  • "Good idea, but I'm curious how you knew that would help?"
  • "How did you decide to do that?"
  • "What did you notice about the times when this problem could have developed, but didn't?" (NOT "Are there any times when this problem...?")
  • "What have you noticed is better when this problem doesn't develop?"
  • "What needs to occur first before that can happen again?"
  • "What would your partner say you could do to encourage them more along these lines?"

Scaling

Scaling allows clients to take a stand on where they are about things, and communicate possibly negative things in a positive method. It can be a way you shift them from problem-talking to solution-talking

  • “On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being horrible and 10 being perfect,…
  • how committed/motivated are you to fixing this problem?”
  • how confident/hopeful are you that this problem can be fixed ?”
  • how much progress you have made?”
  • If they answer low, DO NOT ask “Why so low?”
  • Instead, highlight the number they DID pick (i.e. you picked a 3 which indicates that you are fairly committed. What would it take to move you to a 4?”
  • “What will help you to move one or two points forward?”
  • Get more concrete from there

When assessing for progress using scaling questions, and when progress is not shifting from its original position, this is often a sign of resistance, which is a client message that what you are doing is not working for them, not that the client/couple is a "problem" client/couple or is engaging in self-defeating behavior. You can deal with resistance by asking things like:

  • "What should we be working on that we aren't?"
  • "What do we need to be working on for you to feel the situation will improve?"
  • "It seems like we might be on the wrong track. How do we get back on the right track?"
  • "What do we need to talk about today to be helpful to you?"

Goal Setting

  • Keep treatment goals small, concrete, and objective if possible
  • "What specifically would show you progress on this goal?"
  • "How will you know if things are better?"
  • Use solution building vocabulary
  • respect, nurture, honor, appreciate.....
  • empower, facilitate, collaborate, expand....
  • forward, create, possibility, grow
  • For goals that involve other relationships, make sure they involve what the individualclient will do, not just what other people are expected to do
  • "What would progress look like to you?”
  • “To your partner? To your friends/kids/extended family?"
  • "Once you partner has made some changes, what will they notice that's different about you to let them know they are on-track?"
  • "How will your partner know things are better? What should s/he be looking for?"
  • Word all goalsusing the client's goals and language, making them salient to the clients, and if there are competing goals (in the case of couples), you can still work on both goals or ask for them to find a goal that they both agree on to start with, or if one goal can be worked on first and then you'll come back to the other one
  • Focus not on eliminating or ending something, but on instituting or beginning something

Future Oriented Questions

  • After some goals have been set, these questions focus on the future explicitly
  • "What does this goal say about you (or you as a couple)?"
  • "How will doing this make you happier?"
  • "What will be better for you after this progress becomes common for you?"
  • "What do you see down the road for yourself after this is resolved?"
  • "How will you let your partner know you see things getting better and are happier?"
  • "How will your partner let you they see things getting better and they are happier?"
  • "How does your partner know you love them?"

If necessary: A Break

  • This allows time for the counselor to consult with the team or supervisor
  • Send clients out (5 mins) to reflect on the session, what's been helpful, or what's been missed

Ending
This is the time the counselor offers feedback on his/her view of the client/couple, and a suggestion for an experiment or homework. Three sayings guide this:

  • if it ain't broke, don't fix it
  • if you know it works, do it again
  • if it doesn't work, do something different

Ending session feedback looks a lot like reframing, and can be conceptualized as having 5 parts (Campbell et al, 1999):

  • Normalizing - this normalizes the client’s/couples' experience to help him/her/them see themselves as not "crazy"
  • "First of all, it makes sense for you to be feeling the way you've been feeling. You've been through a lot, including..... No wonder you've been stressed and depressed..."
  • Restructuring - this reconceptualizes a problem as a short-term issue, like "I’m/we’re stuck" becomes a "transitional life experience," "a decisional crossroad," or an effort to "find balance in your life"
  • "You said you've been arguing about whether or not the two of you can support one of you going back to school. That makes sense, since changing careers is such a big decision, one that alters your future income, work schedule, and retirement plans... this is a big decision point in your lives."
  • Affirmation - reinforcement for drawing on strengths
  • "We're/I'm most impressed by the fact that..."
  • This is a good time to be checking on their comments and body language to make sure they agree with your reframe before moving to the bridging statement
  • Bridging - this connects the conceptualization you've offered to the homework or experiment you are about to suggest
  • "You are basically a xxxx person, and xxxx people are valuable in this world, and I want to help you find a way to use the xxxxiness in a way that will be helpful"
  • "You are a couple who divide up everything, a couple that is very good at splitting up difficult or unpleasant tasks into smaller portions. You make sure each has a share that they are not only willing to do, but also are likely have some skill to do well."
  • Homework - Homework or experiments are suggestions for clients to try, not assignments they are commanded to do. They should be suggestions that flow from where they are to where they want to be.
  • For those un-committed to the process (thus far), make sure the homework assignments are very very simple and have a very very success rate, like
  • "Notice when you are thinking you could make a change in things..."
  • "Notice when you're partner is a little nicer than they have been and what went better for you as a result..."
  • "I think I understand things better now, and I agree that this is complicated. So, I'm hoping you will come back next week so we can take a more focused look at how to fix this"
  • For those focused more on the negatives, offer ways to discover strengths, like
  • "This week pay attention to all the times you could have argued, but were able not to, and write down one thing about each time that helped you not argue."
  • "Pay attention this week to the signs that tell you that this problem can be solved."
  • "Pick a day and, without telling your partner, act 'as if' the miracle happened. Do exactly what you would do if everything was going wonderfully."
  • "When this could have happened but didn't, watch for things you think your partner did that were especially helpful."
  • "When you find yourself in this spot again, do something different. Anything different could work. What are some things you can come up with now that might be different?"
  • For those who appear a bit confused, offer ways to find their own strengths and monitor their own progress, like,
  • "Pay attention to the things that help you keep on track, head off problems productively, and feel like progress is being made"
  • "Since you can't decide which approach to take to this problem, and I don't know which one will work the best either, we should do an experiment. Each day flip a quarter, heads its Solution A, tails it's Solution B, and just for that day, try the Solution picked and put in your absolute best effort. Take notes about how well it worked, paying attention to what went especially well, and then bring your notes in next time and we'll figure out which Solution works best."
  • Use a "So the next step/task/objective/goal is for..." (rather than a "So the problem/mistake/conflict/weakness is...") statement that fits the client’s goals, followed by how hopeful you are that he/she can do that
  • For hesitant clients, suggest they do it for a week and then you can review it to see if they like the progress they are making, or if they have a better idea that this might help them generate... it's not a permanent solution, but rather something different to try...
  • One way to think about a good homework assignment is that it should address change at four levels
  • Behavioral - what will you do?
  • Cognitive - how do you have choice? How are you not a victim to this problem?
  • Experiential - how will it look, feel, and be different when you know you are doing it?
  • Systemic - how can this be used in resolving other problems?

You might do the first three a lot, cycling back and forth between them. As for compliments, make them personal, but don't overdo it and start gushing with praise.... the couple will tune you out.

RETURN SESSIONS

  • These are marked by EARS - Elicit exceptions, Amplify the details, Reinforce what worked, and Start again in a new line of inquiry
  • Sometimes the counselor will share stories, sometimes self-disclosing ones, that are designed to highlight the client’s needs and efforts
  • At some point the counselor has to ask, "What would need to happen so you did not need to come back anymore?" or "How will you know when you are ready to 'go it on your own' without coming to counseling?"