ALIENATOR by Kaylee Siwicki

ALIENATOR by Kaylee Siwicki

CHARACTERS:

JERRY JONES: Your average everyday Alien Hunter from Minnesota. Runs Sector 7 of the Buttersworth, Idaho police department.

WINSTON EVANS: A cop who is working a beat with another cop, but ends up on Jerry’s team in Sector 7.

JOSH BUCHANAN: Doucheycop, gets Winston in trouble.

BUTCH HAROLD: Police Chief who is secretly the alien invader sending all the aliens to earth.

VALARIE PALUTRO: Butch’s alien assistant, but also Jerry’s informant/girlfriend.

TYLER MILLER: Young boy who is dressed like an alien on Halloween.

MRS. MILLER: Tyler’s mother.

COUNCILMAN OF THE ALIEN COURT: in charge of all affairs with aliens on earth.

SCENE 1

The night is Halloween. There are little kids all trick or treating in their various costumes. Two police officers, Winston and Josh are chatting to themselves on the left side of the stage. Enter stage right, Jerry moves in, spotlight on him as he crosses over to the bush and hides behind a bush as he watched the trick or treaters minding their own business.

Spotlight fades off Jerry, spotlight up on Winston and Josh.

WINSTON

Sees Jerry hiding behind the bush

“Hey, Josh. Look, there’s Jerry!”

JOSH

Turns to see where Jerry is. He laughs quietly.

“Let’s see if we can mess with him, Win.”

They both laugh and then the spotlight fades and then the one on Jerry comes up.

Jerry is using binoculars in the bush to spy on various kids in what he calls suspicious costumes. He catches glimpse of the boy in the alien costume.

JERRY

Grabbing his tin foil alien scanner. When it beeps he leaps through the bush and tackles Tyler to the ground.

MRS. MILLER

Shocked expression, almost in tears.

JERRY! NOT AGAIN!

JERRY

Uh oh…

JOSH

Arresting Jerry

Let's go, Jerry. You're in for it now… Butch is not going to be happy.

Dragging off stage.Lights out.

SCENE 2

Lights up on BWPD. Jerry is in cuffs. Winston and Josh are behind him, laughing to themselves. Chief Harold comes out of the station, already fuming with anger.

BUTCH HAROLD

ANGRY YELLING

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?! JOSH, WINSTON, WOULD YOU LIKE TO EXPLAIN?

JOSH

scared for his life.

IT WAS WINSTON! HE WAS THE ONE WHO DID IT, HE FOOLED JERRY INTO TACKLING THAT KID AND I MOST DEFINITELY HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT WHATSOEVER.

WINSTON
Rolling his eyes

Thanks a lot, douche bag!

WINSTON, JOSH, AND BUTCH

*ANGRY ARGUING NOISES ALL AT ONCE*

JERRY

Uh guys… can we maybe.. Wrap this up? I mean, its nice that y’all are fighting over me, but really, I have aliens to get to…

BUTCH

(looking at Jerry). THATS ENOUGH OUT OF YOU. NO ONE ASKED YOU. AND AS FOR YOU, WINSTON! (turning to face Winston, a slight grin). Your punishment is going with Jerry to sector 7.

WINSTON

What..what? Sector 7?! But… there’s nothing to do in sector 7..Its not even real! WHOS FUNDING IT?!

JERRY

My mommy!

BUTCH

Uncuffing Jerry before sitting to do paperwork

Okay, be gone with you. Monday morning, 9 a.m. sharp. Be there, both of you.

Lights down

SCENE 4

Lights up at the precinct on Monday morning, 9 on the dot. Jerry is there in his garb, his nametag on his jacket said “Lutennant” so no one would confuse him with Winston.

WINSTON

(walking up on Jerry at 9:05, doughnut stains on his mouth).

Okay. I'm here. What exactly is this job? What are we supposed to do now?

JERRY

I'm glad you asked! (enthusiastic) it's time to go hunting. Come on! I hear that Butch is working on his UFO again.. He's their leader you know? That's why I didn't get in trouble. They don't realize I'm onto them… Well.. Now we are onto them. Anyway..come on!

WINSTON

Where are we going? What are we doing? Butch?An alien, as if. Who do you get this information from?

JERRY

Got a call from one of my informatives. . . they caught sight of a UFO landing and some “mysterious” footprints. No doubt they're Butch’s. Ready to go?

WINSTON

Shaking his head following off stage.

Meanwhile, down on the front of stage, Butch is talking on the phone with someone about the hidden placement of his Spaceship in his office.

Yes, okay. And the ship was where?

And no one knows about it?

VALARIE

other side of the stage, talking to Butch.

Yes sir. It's hidden in the bushes behind the abandoned mine just outside of town. No one should be able to figure it out.

BUTCH

Perfect. Thank you Valarie. I trust you're still leading Jerry on a wild goose chase yes?

VALARIE

awkward pause

Yes… Yes. I am, sir. Okay.. (sees Jerry walking on again to her house). Okay. Goodbye. (Hangs up).

looks over at Jerry

Hey… honey… (she kisses his cheek). How are you? Did you get my message.

JERRY

Yeah. The ship is behind the mine like you said.. Are you coming along?

VALARIE

Oh gee… I would love to, Jerry. I really would, but I can't.. I have work to do for Butch. And if he knows I've been leaking information he’ll have me killed, Jerry. The council isn't forgiving.

JERRY

You're right about that. I have a new partner anyway, now. His names Winston. He's okay, I guess.

VALARIE

That's fantastic! About time they gave Sector 7 a new pair of eyes. Anyway, you'd better go. Who knows what might happen.

Jerry smiles and waves before walking off stage. Lights down.

SCENE 5

lights up on the site of the UFO. Jerry and Winston are lurking in the bushes behind it waiting for a good time go to up to the ship. Right before they jump out of the bushes they hear a car coming. They go back to hiding again when they see Butch getting out of his car.

JERRY

whispering

There he is. Their leader. I told you.

WINSTON

whispering back

There's no way that can be true. What's he doing here?

BUTCH

walking up on the UFO. when he gets close his human shell disappears and he goes full alien. He opens up the door and he greets the alien council on the screen inside the ship.

Hello, Councilman. All is well today. We safely landed the first ship so we know it's possible now.

COUNCILMAN

Pleased laughter

That is lovely news, Butch. We are pleased to hear that our war against Buttersworth Idaho is soon ready to commence.

BUTCH

Fantastic! Just what I wanted to here!

Lights up on Jerry and Winston. Winston starts panicking and hitting buttons for backup policemen to come.

We gotta stop them, Jerry. I'm sorry I doubted you. We have to save the town!

JERRY

excited

Yes! Let's go! (still hushed)

Butch starts to fiddle with some buttons when Jerry and Winston jump from the bush to capture Butch.

WINSTON

STOP YOU FIEND! WE HAVE YOU CAUGHT RED HANDED.

JERRY

handcuffing Butch and holding him until the backup came.

lights out.

SCENE 6

lights up on Jerry and Winston bringing Butch into custody. Butch is his human cover body now and they're putting him behind bars in a cell.

JERRY

Got anything to say for yourself,Butchy?

BUTCH

Angry Grumbling.

So close to getting rid of you pests!

WINSTON

I'm impressed, Jerry. Im sorry I ever doubted you.

JERRY

Tearing up

Thank you, Winston. I really appreciate that.

lights down.

end