Activity: How Do You Manage Conflict

Activity 2.3 How do you manage conflict?

The proverbs below are descriptions of some different strategies for dealing with conflicts. Read each proverb carefully, and then using the following scale, indicate how typical each proverb is of your actions in a conflict.

____ 1. It is easier to refrain than to retreat from a quarrel.

____ 2. If you cannot make a person think as you do, make them do as you think.

____ 3. Soft words win hard hearts.

____ 4. You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.

____ 5. Come now and let us reason together.

____ 6. When two quarrel, the person who keeps silent first is the most praiseworthy.

____ 7. Might overcomes right.

____ 8. Smooth words make smooth ways.

____ 9. Better half a loaf than no bread at all.

____ 10. Truth lies in knowledge, not in majority opinion.

____ 11. He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day.

____ 12. He has conquered well that hath made his enemies flee.

____ 13. Kill your enemies with kindness.

____ 14. A fair exchange brings no quarrel.

____ 15. No person has the final answer but every person has a piece to contribute.

____ 16. Stay away from people who disagree with you.

____ 17. Those who believe in winning win fields.

____ 18. Kind words are worth much and cost little.

____ 19. Tit for tat is fair play.

____ 20. Only the person who is willing to give up his or her monopoly on truth can ever profit from the truths that others hold.

____ 21. Avoid quarrelsome people, as they will only make your life miserable.

____ 22. A person who will not flee will make others flee.

____ 23. Soft words ensure harmony.

____ 24. One gift for another makes good friends.

____ 25. Bring your conflicts into the open and face them directly; only then will the best solution be discovered.

____ 26. The best way of handling conflicts is to avoid them.

____ 27. Put your foot down where you mean to stand.

____ 28. Gentleness will triumph over anger.

____ 29. Getting part of what you want is better than not getting anything at all.

____ 30. Frankness, honesty and trust will move mountains.

____ 31.There is nothing so important you have to fight for it.

____ 32.There are two kinds of people in the world, the winners and the losers.

____ 33.When one hits you with a stone, hit them with a piece of cotton.

____ 34.When both give in halfway, a fair settlement is achieved.

____ 35.By digging and digging, the truth is discovered.

Scoring – enter your score for each question from the previous pages

The higher the total for each conflict strategy, the more frequently you tend to use that strategy. The lower the total score for each conflict strategy, the less frequently you tend to use that strategy.

Some of the questions are quite challenging aren’t they? If you answered honestly you will find that your approach to conflict or controversy will fall fairly well into one of the following groups, although your approach will probably vary from time to time, depending on the situation. These are:

• Achieving personal goals.
• Maintaining the relationship with the other person.

It should be noted that none of these types of dealing with conflict is completely right or wrong. In fact, within any given group, it is of great value to have members with different styles of conflict resolution. Just as with other differences between people, differences of style can be creative and complementary.

High importance

How do you resolve conflicts? Based on the table above, rate how important your relationship and keeping to your goals are when dealing with conflict. For example you may value relationships highly and also rate your goals of high importance = owl. On the other hand you may only be moderately concerned with the relationship of the other party and your own goals, which would make you a fox.

Turtle (Withdrawing)

Some people ‘withdraw into their shells’ to avoid conflicts. They will surrender their personal goals and relationships, and stay away from the issues over which the conflict is taking place, and from the persons they are in conflict with. It is easier to withdraw from conflict than face it.

Shark (Forcing)

Other people will try to overpower their opponents in a conflict by forcing them to accept their solution to the conflict. Their individual goals are highly important to them, and relationships are of minor importance. These are the people who seek to achieve their goals at all costs, showing no concern for the needs of others. When sharks win they feel a sense of pride and achievement. When they lose they have a sense of weakness, inadequacy and failure.

Teddy Bear (Smoothing)

To people who attempt to smooth over conflicts, the relationship involved is of the greatest importance, with their own goals being of far less importance. These are people who want to be liked and accepted by everyone. They believe that conflicts should be avoided at all costs in favour of harmony, and that people cannot discuss conflicts without damaging relationships. They give up their own goals to save the relationship.

Fox (Compromising)

People who seek to compromise in a conflict situation are moderately concerned both with their own goals and their relationships with other people. These people are prepared to give up part of their goals and persuade the other person in a conflict to give up part of their goals. They seek a conflict situation in which both sides gain something, the middle ground between two extreme positions.

Owl (Confronting)

People who are confrontational in conflict value both their own goals and their relationships extremely highly. They view conflicts as problems to be solved, and will seek to achieve a solution, which will benefit both their own goals. Owls are not satisfied until all forms of tension have been resolved.

Our strategies for dealing with conflict are learnt during childhood, which means we can always change our ways by learning new strategies.

[Source: Johnson, 1981]

© The State of Queensland (Department of Communities and Disability Services Queensland) 2007.