North Seattle Community College

Beginnings 2010

A Little About Listening

The average person in the United States spends 50-80% of day listening but:

  • only hears ½ of what is said
  • understands only a quarter
  • remembers even less

Listening is influenced by culture:

  • Buddhists practice mindfulness which cultivates awareness and focus
  • Asian saying, “By your mouth you shall perish.”

The process of listening goes through four stages:

  • hearing
  • understanding (interpretation of non-verbal and verbal communication)
  • evaluating – how you are going to respond
  • responding – how you do respond

There are different reasons for listening:

  • comprehension
  • appreciation
  • identification
  • evaluation
  • build and maintain friendships
  • helping others
  • self understanding (becoming aware of yourself as a communicator/listening to yourself)

Specific Principles About Listening:

  • Poor listening can be remedied
  • No single best listening strategy
  • Good listening depends on finding some personal benefit
  • When you listen, you must be an active participant in the communication process
  • Listening is problem solving – what does the other person mean?
  • You need to learn to monitor the way you listen – not all situations require the same level
    of energy
  • Understand that there is a difference in the way people listening and obtain information
    depending on whether that person is right or left brain dominant
  • If you are left brain dominant – sequential, specific, logical argument, outcomes
  • If you are right brain dominant – conceptual, interruptions for clarification

Listening is one of the most important communication skills you will practice interpersonally, in small groups, and among cultures

Levels of Listening:

  • Inefficient – tuning in and out. Absorbed in your own thoughts. More interested in what you have to say. Passive. Little response/feedback. Not paying attention.
  • Minimal – you hear words but you don’t grasp meaning beyond surface. Tuning out after you think you have enough information to grasp meaning. Miss the emotional and feeling level and therefore miss the full content.
  • Active – you listen for main and supporting ideas, acknowledge and respond, give appropriate feedback and pay attention to speaker’s total communication

Barriers to Effective Listening:

  • Overloaded – too tired, too busy, preoccupied
  • Poor listening habits – Do I look for things to argue about as an excuse to not listen or experience intimacy (internal arguing)? Do I like to get attention for myself by interrupting and creating a self focus (ego speaking)? Do I only listen to those points which I agree with (selective listening)? Do I avoid points with which I disagree on (insulated speaking)? Do I fail to listen long enough to get the whole message and therefore make mistakes or jump in to an incorrect conclusion or assumption? Do I initiate good listening to look like I’m listening (pseudo listening)?
  • Responding to emotionally loaded words (“should” “always”) – judgmental phrase evokes a strong emotion and interferes with willingness and ability to listen
  • Cultural differences
  • External distractions
  • Internal distractions - biases

Skills to Become an Empathetic Listener:

  • Relax, block out distractions
  • Give the person verbal and non-verbal cues that you are listening, i.e., paraphrasing, verbal cues, questioning
  • Avoid judgmental statements
  • Be sensitive to the meta messages found in the eyes, voice, posture, gestures, movements, use of time, and verbal and non-verbal cues of the other person

Elements of Effective Listening:

  • Stop your internal dialogue
  • Look. Nonverbal messages are important
  • Listen to the verbal message – mentally summarize what is important
  • Respond with empathy
  • Ask clarifying questions
  • Reflect content and feelings by paraphrasing