"LOST AND DELIRIOUS
by
Judith Thompson
Based on the novel The Wives of Bath by Susan Swan
EXT. ROAD –DAY
We see a car approaching on the road. We follow the car from above.
INT. CAR - DAY
MARY is in the car with her father and stepmother. They're driving along a
country road. They're on their way to drop off Mary at Perkins College. It's
a
girls' boarding school in Quebec.
MARY (V.O.)
Even before then, I already had
a bad feeling about it. I felt
like a gray mouse heading right
for the mouth of a cat and
there was nothing, nothing I
could do about it. My mother
had died three years before,
and I was beginning to forget
what she looked like. When I
looked in my compact and saw my
own face...
(looks at her face)
I could remember hers...The
powder smelled like when I
touched her cheek. My mother,
she would never have sent me to
a boarding school...
INT. PERKINS COLLEGE - DAY
The car drives up in the driveway of the school. The
girls are running around and having a tea party in
the gazebo. Mary is sitting in the back seat and is
hesitant to come out of the car. You can hear the
flutists playing on the lawn outside. Ms. Vaughn is
on the gazebo with the other girls. She walks over
to where Tori is sitting, and sees Mary arriving.
After dropping Mary off, her father gives her a hug,
touches her face, and then walks away with her
stepmother. They walk over to Ms. Vaughn, the
headmistress, and English teacher.
MR. BEDFORD
Thank you.
MS. VAUGHN
(shakes his hand)
Goodbye now.
Ms. Vaughn walks over to Mary.
MS. VAUGHN
I...it does get easier, really...
MARY
No...no, I'm fine...really...
MS. VAUGHN
Listen, I'd like you to meet someone,
fantastic. Victoria!!
Tori turns around and almost chokes on her drink.
She wipes her mouth with her hand.
MS. VAUGHN
Victoria!! Come and meet Mary.
TORI
Ok!...Just a minute!!
She turns back around, and laughs with her friend.
Then Tori gives her drink to her friend, and leaves.
EXT. FRONT YARD - DAY
INT. BOARDING SCHOOL -- DAY
Mary and Tori start going up to their room. Tori helps Mary carry her bags
up
the stairs.
TORI
The food is really gross though. Mostly
we just save up our allowance and just like
order pizza or Chinese, and
well, you know, the anorexics just
eat erasers...
(she looks back at Mary)
serious...
Mary stops and looks at a statue that is in the room...Then they start
walking
up
the stairs...
TORI
We get away with anything here, and
I mean anything!!
Tori looks back, and sees that Mary is tired from walking up the stairs.
TORI
Wow! You're soo outta shape.
You'll have to come jogging with us,
or you'll
have a stroke before you're 20!
They get to the top of one flight of stairs.
TORI
So, this is the bathrooms and the
showers...
They start walking up another flight of stairs.
TORI
What's your name again??
MARY
Well, most people just call me Mouse.
TORI
Mouse???
MARY
My dad's always called me that.
TORI
Really? How come??
(pause)
My dad used to call me Princess. It
made me barf.
MARY
It's better than Mouse!
They go up a few more flights of stairs until they reach the room in the
attic
that Tori shares with Paulie.
INT. BEDROOM
TORI
(opens the door)
Ta da!!
There are 3 beds in the room. Paulie and Toris' beds are on one side, and on
the
other side of the room is Mouse's. (Paulie's in on the right, Tori's is in
the
middle, and Mary's is on the left)
Tori's bed is full of clothes, and so is the floor around her bed.
TORI
Mine's the messy one...of course! Major
slobberina. Oh well, I can't help it. It's
like rage of my mother or something,
right??
They walk farther into the room.
TORI
(points at beds)
That's Paulie's, this is mine,
and...this one is yours.
Tori puts the suitcase on Mouse's bed. Tori goes over to the dresser that is
beside Mouse's bed and takes some of her clothes off that are hanging in the
drawers.
TORI
Sorry...
Tori goes to sit on her bed, and tries to make Mary feel more comfortable
and
welcome. Tori smiles at Mary, but Mary looks worried, and doesn't smile
back.
She just looks around the room.
TORI
Hey! Look, I know it's weird at
first... But now, this is much
more home to me than home.
(she stands up)
Like the lost boys in Peter
Pan, right?? Except, we are the
lost girls, right??...
Lost and Delirious.
Pause.
TORI
So, when you're finished up
here, come party with us, kay??
Tori leaves the room. Mouse starts to unpack her things, she unzips the
suitcase
that Tori left on her bed, takes out a stuffed bear and puts it on the
windowsill.
She takes out a framed picture and hugs it. She goes over the window, puts
her
glasses then looks out the window. She sees two people standing on the
swing.
(It's Paulie and Tori)
EXT. BEDROOM - DAY
INT. SCHOOL LOBBY/LIVING ROOM - LATER
Mouse goes over to the black statue that she was looking at before. She
seems
fascinated by it... She walks over and touches it then goes to sit down on
one
of the couches. Paulie, who is smoking a cigarette, and is sitting in
another
chair, behind the statue, suddenly pops up.
PAULIE
(holding cigarette)
Wanna smoke??
MARY
(startled, jumps up)
Ahhhh!!!
PAULIE
Did I scare ya??
(pause)
You got new girl written all
over ya, don't ya?? Like a
fresh new lamb...What are
you?? Thirteen?? Fourteen??
Some kind of brainiac?? Skip a
few grades??
Paulie gets up holding a cigarette in one hand and a tape player in the
other.
She approaches Mouse and puts the player on the table then offers her right
hand
to Mouse.
PAULIE
(takes a drag)
I'm Paulie,
(blows out smoke)
Oster.
Mouse shakes Paulie's hand
MOUSE
Mary Bedford. Mouse
really...they call me...
PAULIE
I'd rather call you shit head
than Mouse.
Paulie down sits beside her.
PAULIE
So you're rooming with me, and
Tori, huh?
MOUSE
Yeah, that's what Ms. Vaughn
said.
PAULIE
Well, I guess she didn't like
us up there all by our
lonesome.
Pause.
MOUSE
I've never been to a boarding
school before.
PAULIE
Well,
(slightly punches Mouse in the arm)
Now you're one of the lost
girls. Welcome to the club.
(pulls out a bottle of alcohol)
Come on, help me spike the
punch. Let's get this party off
its butt!! Rage
more!!
Paulie gets up, picks up the tape player, puts her cigarette in a vase then
heads off to the party. Mouse gets up, and rolls up her skirt up a bit.
MOUSE
(quietly)
Rage more.
She follows Paulie outside.
EXT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
INT. THE FRONT SCHOOL YARD - DAY
Three boys, Jake, Tim and Phil, from the nearby boarding school, R.A.B., are
riding their bikes and heading towards the gazebo where Tori and the other
girls
are.
TIM
Hey girls! Mind if we crash
your tea party??
TORI
Go away!!
(to Cordelia)
God my brother is sooo
annoying!!
CORDELIA
Yea, but he's cute though.
Paulie and Mouse show up on the gazebo.
PAULIE
(to the guys)
Can't you read the sign?? No
dickheads allowed!!
JAKE
Uh, she's special, eh??
Then Paulie goes over to the table where the punch is, and pours the whole
bottle of alcohol in with the punch. Then she puts the empty bottle into a
silver ice bucket
JAKE
Now, I really want some tea...
PHIL
Yea!! Can the dickheads have
some tea, please??
Then the guys start laughing...
Paulie pours herself and Mouse each a glass. Paulie drinks her punch in one
big
gulp, and wipes her mouth. Mouse just smells hers. Paulie puts the Violent
Femmes tape in the player that she brought with her and turns it on. 'Add It
Up'
starts to play. The 3 flutists, who are still on the grass, stop playing and
look over. Then Paulie goes over to Tori.
PAULIE
(whispers in her ear)
You're my morning glory Tori!
Paulie then takes Tori's hand, and pulls her to the middle of the floor...
PAULIE
(to everyone)
Are you guys ready to party??!!
Everyone starts cheering....Ms. Vaughn goes and shoos the three boys away.
Everyone is dancing, including Mouse. Ms. Bannet and Ms. Vaughn are off to
the
side drinking the spiked punch. Ms. Bannet is liking it, but when Ms. Vaughn
drinks hers, she is surprised by what she tastes.
MS. VAUGHN
Oh...Paulie!!!
Paulie sticks out her tongue and keeps dancing and having fun.
MS. VAUGHN
Paulie, Paulie....
MS. BANNET
What?
MS. VAUGHN
Looks like our Paulie just
spiked the punch.
MS. BANNET
Should we pretend we don't
know??
MS. VAUGHN
I'd like that...I know you'd
like that too...
Pause.
MS. VAUGHN
That wouldn't be very good
teachering now would it, Ms.
Bannetska??
Ms. Vaughn and Ms. Bannet take the bowl and spill the punch out on the
grass.
MOUSE (V.O.)
Before today, I really didn't
know what people meant when
they said they had fun...I was
like some kind of Dr. Spock...
And what is this?? Fun??
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
MOUSE
(writing in her diary)
I don't know, it's like she
kinda put a spell on me, and
all my foreboding. That
feeling I had, just, kind of
vanished...
Paulie is lying on Tori's bed smoking a cigarette. Tori is sitting on the
floor
with her back against her bed, reading a Seventeen magazine. Mouse is
sitting in
her own bed.
PAULIE
Hey new girl!! What do you
think of Vaughnie??
TORI
Don't call her new girl, it's
so rude...
MOUSE
Ms. Vaughn?? She's nice...
TORI
Some of the girls say rude
things about her.
PAULIE
She and Bannet, they got it
going on for sure...
TORI
Paulie give it a rest! She's
just a single lady and they're
really good friends, that's it.
Don't be so mean...or
homophobic!
MOUSE
She seems nice to me, I
mean...umm...normal...well not...
PAULIE
I'm not saying she not nice,
new girl, I'm saying she's A
LESBO!! And she has the hots
for our Tori here.
(reaches down and squishes Tori's face)
Who could blame her, right??
Miss beautiful...
Paulie hits Tori on the head with a pillow. Tori looks
away smiling, then slowly picks up a pillow from the
floor and hits Paulie back.
PAULIE
(laughs)
Sorry...
They keep hitting each other with them. Paulie
throws a pillow over at Mouse, and they all start
laughing.
LATER THAT NIGHT
Mouse wakes up and sees that Paulie and Tori
aren't in their beds, or in the room at all. She gets
up, goes to the window and looks outside. She
sees them kissing on the roof.
MOUSE
I wasn't really sure what I
just seen. I know this sounds,
like naive, but at first, I
mean, I thought they were like,
practicing for boys. Up in
Rainy River, you see,
nothing had really changed
since the
50's...
INT. BEDROOM – MORNING
While Paulie, Tori and Mouse are still sleeping, Allison and her three
friends
come barging in to wake them up.
ALLISON & FRIENDS
It's morning time you lazy sluts...
(jumps on Tori's bed)
Out of bed or we'll kick your
butts...
TORI
Allie!! Get out of my face, I
mean it!! Mary, this is my
sister Allie. She's a
moron. Aren't ya, Allie??
TORI
She has warts, like all over
her toes. Get your gross toes
outta my bed!!
ALLIE
(to Mouse)
Don't listen to her Mary,
(smiles)
my feet are perfect!
PAULIE
(throws a pillow at them)
Get your fat stinking butts
outta here!!
Allison just throws the pillow back at her... Then Paulie gets out of bed
with
her pillow, and starts chasing the girls away.
PAULIE
Out! Out! Out!! You come back
here again and I'm gonna kick
your butts!! Fuckin' teeny-
boppers!!!
Paulie comes back into the room
PAULIE
(puts pillow in front her face)
Uhhhh...Fucking grow up!!!
Paulie gets back into her bed
TORI
Hey! I think it's blueberry
pancakes today.
PAULIE
(covers her face with her pillow and laughs)
God!!!
EXT. BEDROOM – DAY
INT. CAFETERIA – LATER
Paulie, Tori and Mouse get their food and walk over to join their friends at
their table. Paulie introduces Mary.
PAULIE
Mary...Lauren...
LAUREN
Hi! How are you??
MOUSE
Hi!!
TORI
This looks sooo amazing. I
could totally give my life for
blueberry pancakes.
(to Mouse)
Don't you love blueberry
pancakes, Mouse?
MOUSE
Yea...
Allie and her friends come over to join them at the table.
PAULIE
(to Allie & her friends)
Hey, hey, hey!! No bottom-
feeders!! Out!!
She starts pounding the table with her hand
PAULIE
Out! Out! Out! Out! Out!!
EVERYONE AT TABLE
(pounding table with their hands)
Out! Out! Out! Out! Out!!
Everyone in the room starts looking over to see what's happening. Ms.
Bannet,
who is sitting at another table with other teachers, starts to get up to see
what's going on, but then she sits back down. Finally Allie and her friends
get
up and leave.
EXT. CAFETERIA – DAY
INT. MS. BANNET'S MATH CLASS – DAY
Paulie is sitting two or three rows behind Tori, and she's peeling an
orange.
Mouse is in the same row as Paulie. Tori is talking with the girl who is
sitting
right behind her, while Ms. Bannet is trying to teach a lesson on the board.
MS. BANNET
We want to define the minimum
value of the quadratic...
function. And in order to do
this, we must complete the
square. Since we know the
leading coefficient is?...
(turns to the class)
We know this ladies...
Cordelia raises her hand.
MS. BANNET
Cordelia?
CORDELIA
1
MS. BANNET
1, yes thank you...We have half
of the linear term...the X and
the square...
Tori, who's still talking, looks over at Paulie, who is still peeling the
orange, and smiles at her, and Paulie smiles back. The teacher is still
trying
to find more people to help solve the math problem.
MS BANNET
To get the constant square of
11...
Ms. Bannet looks around and sees Tori talking with the girl behind her.
MS. BANNET
Victoria!
TORI
(turns around)
Yes??
MS BANNET
Come...help me...
She has chalk in her hand, and signals Tori to come down to the front.
TORI
You, want me to do the problem??
MS BANNET
Yes, I want you to do the problem.
TORI
Kay, I'll try.
Paulie looks a bit concerned but keeps on peeling the orange. Tori goes to
the
front and looks at the chalkboard. She scratches her head and stares at the
board.
MS. BANNET
What seems to be the delay,
Victoria??
TORI
I don't get it.
Everyone laughs.
MS. BANNET
And what is it exactly,
(sits on her desk)
that you don't get??
TORI
The X. I mean like, where do
you get the X?? Why? What
is...What is an X?
Everyone starts to laugh. Paulie smiles, still peeling the orange.
MS. BANNET
You don't get that the X
is...Perhaps if you spent less
time gabbing, and a little
more time listening...
PAULIE
Gabbing???
Everyone turns to look at Paulie.
PAULIE (cont)
I consider that word a punch in
the face, Ms. Bannet.
MS. BANNET
I beg your pardon Pauline??
PAULIE
It's a word males use to shoot
us down...to trivialize our
talking to each other...You
wanna be a part of that
shit??!! Huh??
MS. BANNET
Pauline Oster!! You will
not...use that kind of language
in my classroom again!
Do you hear me??
Paulie puts the orange down on her desk, gets up from her seat, and starts
walking to the front of the class.
MS. BANNET
(walking towards Paulie)
Do you hear me?? I've had it up
to here!! Up to my eye balls
with your Disrespect...
Paulie walks to the board and takes the chalk from Tori's hand. She starts
writing the answer to the math question posted on the board. She adds a 2
and
then a '+'.
MS. BANNET
(to Paulie)
What do you think you are doing??
PAULIE
I'm teaching Ms.Bannet...
something you should have been
doing...
TORI
(whispers)
Paulie...
MS. BANNET
Out of my classroom!! You will
go to Ms Vaughn's, and tell her
why you are not in my
class...and suffer the
consequences.
MS. BANNET
Do you hear me??
(slowly)
Am I not clear??
Paulie stares at Ms. Bannet for a couple seconds, then smiles.
PAULIE
You have a nice day now,
Eleanor...
Paulie winks at her, licks her lips, and then leaves the room. Tori, with
her
eyes to the floor, starts to smile.