Sunday, January 25, 2004
The Kingdom of God
#8“Cultivating Tendernessin our Kingdom Hearts"
Matthew 5:31-32; 19:1-12
“So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Matthew 19:6NIV
Hear previous week’s sermons online at
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Welcome to the doctor’s office, that is, the office of Dr. Jesus. We’ve met here before. First it was to deal with the disease of selfishness that, in extreme cases, can drive us murder. Our Lord gave us a prescription to cultivate reconciliation rather than indulge anger, contempt and malice. He encouraged us to change the way we think of the person who has stirred up our anger. He asked us topartner with Him to bless the person, rather than to curse him.
The last time we met here was to deal with the disease of unfaithfulness, aggravated by dishonesty. Again, our Lord gave us a prescription. He asked us to cultivate a holy imagination to replace images that subtly and not so subtly draw us towardadultery in our mind. He challenged us to raise the bar of spiritual maturity in our relationships, envisioning ways we can call one another to faithfulness and honesty.
We faced the question: Will we go along with the Doctor’s recommendation or let the disease in our heart take its natural course and bring certain death.
There are a fewsubjects and issues that I would rather have just go away, disappear. They are not pleasant to deal with. And it seems that no matter what positionone takes with some of these issues, somebody is not pleased.
A bulletin blooper goes like this: Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
For some couples you know, that might not be funny. One need not be married long to appreciate the reality that our spouses sometimes disappoint us. And, if we are willing to look in the mirror, we spouses are often the ones doing the disappointing.
I have never met a newly married couple that did not have great hope for their marriage. For many couples, they simply did not understand what they were really getting into when they married. They did not understand that getting close to a person, day in and day out, includes dealing with the “not-so-likeables,” including the bad breath, body odor, and a case load of idiosyncrasies we don’t discover until after we said, “I will.”
I believe God designed marriage to be a great complement to what we learn in the kingdom of God. In fact, I would say that Jesus often holds class in our homes. Can’t you hear Him?
“Today class, we will have a lesson on seeing life through someone else’s eyes. So, for a heads up, stay alert to those things that really tick you off about someone close to you. We’ll see you back in class about 9 o’clock tonight and talk about your discoveries. If you need any help, just call on Me.”
I had the privilege this past week to spend three days with my parents in Minneapolis. We celebrated my mom’s 87th birthday. Dad is88. God has blessed me with godly, gracious, and generous parents. I’m deeply grateful.
As much as we can hope that nothing changes as we age, for many the aging process can take a toll on a person. Things that once came easilycan become long, drawn out affairs. Small annoyances can turn into irritations. Sons can losetheirpatience with their dads.
It’s the classroom of kingdom living. And Jesus says, “Go ahead, Dan, and write out how you feel. Explain why you are irritated. Give some suggestions for how your dad could make you less upset.
“Do you have it all written down, now? I want you to make two changes. Two simple changes. The first is to change the name at the top of the note, from Dear Al to Dear Dan. The second change is the name of the author. Change it to Stephen or Titus.
“You see, it won’t be all that long, Dan, before you will be in your dad’s place and your sons may feel the same way then as you do now.”
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About an inch of snow had fallen through the night. It was still dark at 6 AM as I loaded the suitcase in the trunkof the rental car, started the engine and got out to brush the snow from the windows as I prepared to head off to the Minneapolis Lindberg airport. I proceeded cautiously out of the parking lot and onto the street. There was no traffic to be seen. I made a left turn and headed north to the street that would take me to the freeway.
There was a curve in the road ahead but turning the steering wheel didn’t turn the car. Taking my foot off the gas and onto the brake didn’t change my direction or speed. I was too unfamiliar with the car to quickly shift to neutral and suddenly I felt and heard thejolt of my front right wheel hitting the curb.
My impulse was to back up and continue to drive when I thought I had better stop examine the damage. Sure enough, I had bent the wheel rim and the hub cap was missing. I returned to the place of my mishap and found the plastic hub cap shattered but still hanging together. I was now faced with having to own up to my accident to the car rental company.
It’s events like these that God can use to teach His lessons on seeing life through someone else’s eyes. Some of us are prone to think it’s the other guy’s fault, so it’s actually good for us to once in a while have our pride jolted off its pedestal. When God needs to make us tender or keep us there, He wisely uses the teachable moments we provide for Him. That is very true in marriage. For me to treat my wife with less care than I expected to be shown to meafter my mishap issimply not acceptable.
Godis saying to me, “I’m in the business of keeping your heart soft and tendertowards Me, towards your wife, your children, and toeveryone else, for that matter. I will not bless a hard heart. I love to bless a tender heart.”
That’s the Doctor’s prescription to deal with the early signs of a proud and hard heart. Sometimes we need to be reminded that “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
Surely, if there is anything a married person needs is to have God’s grace being supplied at all times. The last thing a married person needs isGod’s opposition.
God is saying to all of us, “I’m in the business of keeping your heart soft and tender towards Me and your relationships. I will not bless a hard heart. But, I will bless a humble heart.”
Our text for today from Matthew 5 is very short. But, keep in mind that the prescriptions that Jesus is giving us to heal our rebellious hearts are accumulative. He is building one upon another so that we end up with ()a heart that abounds in love.
He first wanted us to develop a (1)spirit of reconciliation to counter our tendency toward anger. Second, He wanted us to cultivate a (2) holy imagination to displace thoughts that would entertain adultery.
Now He wants us to cultivate (3) tenderness as a preventive medicine against divorce. He will follow this with the instruction to practice (4) commitment keeping to counter the devious and creative lying we will engage in to protect our selfish interests.
Building on those four prescriptions He challenges us to cultivate the (5) giving of grace as a means of preventing failure in relationships. And He tops off His prescriptions with the instruction to cultivate (6) genuine love so we will not be enticed to retaliation against our enemies.
The outcome of these prescriptions is a heart that abounds in love.
So, in this progressive instruction to develop kingdom hearts that are loving, Jesus brings us to the emotionally laden issue of divorce.
Note the common format of this section. It begins with, “It has been said.” It is followed by, “But I tell you.”
Matthew 5:31-32
31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Our text gives us the third of 6 prescriptions to bring about a cure of our heart disease. Jesus knows our heart. What He knows and what we need to know is that we all have the beginnings of heart disease. There is not one of us who can enter a marriage or any other relationship for that matter without also bringing into that relationship our diseased hearts.
In health insurance language, heart disease is a pre-existing condition. We all enter marriage with it. I believe our text is saying we must not ignore the Doctor’s assessment or His prescription.
Thankfully, Doctor Jesus is the most qualified heart surgeon around. When we are ready to do something about this problem, no one offers us a better hope than our Lord Jesus Christ.
Living in the kingdom means moving toward reconciliation and resisting alienation. Therefore, living in the kingdom implies a healthy resistance to divorce and tenacious attention to reconciliation.
Remember the context in which Jesus gives His prescription. He is teaching the meaning of the Kingdom of God.
A kingdomis theauthority (for God) to rule.
To seek first God’s kingdom is to seek first God’s rule and reign as king in our lives.
It’s the idea of desiring God’s rule for ourselves and others.
I cannot think of anything more important to nail down prior to getting married than a secure commitment to the kingshipof Jesus Christ, individually and as a couple. Without doubt, every marriage will test the level of commitment it has to Jesus Christ being Master, Lord and King.
I repeat, nothing is more important to lay hold ofprior to getting married than a sincerecommitment to the kingship, to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, individually and as a couple.
Why is that true?
Because no other arrangement has the hope of bringing heaven into the home. When a husband and wifeare humbly surrendered to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, are both committed to a spirit of reconciliation, are developing a holy imagination and are cultivating tenderness toward each other, they are creating an environment in their home that gives a foretaste of heaven. Marriage as God designed it offers the hope of bringing heaven into the home.
Too often our homes are characterized by what hell is like, bickering, fighting, cursing, demanding our own way, even hurting one another.
Christ offers the hope, indeed the promise, that when we fully surrender as a couple and as a family to His Lordship, His mastery, we will experience heaven in our homes.
Probably my most often asked question in this series has been, What is so attractive about heaven?
Heaven is a place where God rules supremely. No one is trying to take over His position, His rule, His kingly reign.
In the Lord’s prayer, we are asking that God’s rule be over the entire world, including our homes, just as it is in heaven.
The kingdom of God is God’s rule. His kingdom is here among us, available to be entered by those who will humble themselves under His authority. May His kingdom come, may His will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Do we want our marriages to be a foretaste of heaven? Then we must submit to Jesus Christ as Lord, even of our marriages.
What we are talking about are being a people who live as though Christ is our Lord, our Teacher, our Master, and our Coach. When we live this way, we become His students or apprentices. We learn from Him how to live our lives as He would live them if He were us. This way we enter His kingdom and experience His life, a life that is eternal.
How do we know if Jesus Christ is really our Lord? Can any indicators be found in our schedule and relationships?
Several years back I had a very interesting conversation with another dad. We were talking about the demands on our schedules. He surprised me a bit when he mentioned how thankful he was that he had had his weekends freethe previous summer because his daughter broke her leg and was not able to play on her select sports team. I really don’t think he wanted to broadcast that or even say it so his daughter would hear.
But we chatted a bit about the demandsthatyouthsports teams make on our families.
Then I did something you might think was a bit brave on my part, I asked him, “what would you call me if I were your pastor and I made the same demands on you as your daughter’s coach makes on you?”
Without hesitation he replied, “It wouldn’t be good.”
Yet, many a parent will lead his or her child to give greater allegiance to a coach of a sports team than to Jesus Christ in hopes that it will translate some day to a scholarship for college or simply for bragging rights among other parents.
I know all too well that the cost of going to college is extremely high. The hope of a scholarship can be very enticing. But, we must weigh its cost against the possible loss of our children learning and loving to put Christ first in all things.
Jesus Christ must fill the role as our primary teacher in all aspects of life. We must live as though Christ is our Lord, our Teacher, and our Coach.
How can we claim Him as Lord if we don’t do the things He says? Faith is a display of confidence. Faith in Christ is a display of our confidence in Him, both for His providing forgivenessand for providing wisdom to live as He wants us to live.It’s placing our confidence in Him regarding our future. It’s putting Him first, ahead of other opportunities, even when it looks like it may jeopardizea future scholarship. That’s gutsy faith.
When we surrender to Christ’s rule in our lives, giving up self-rule or the rule by anyone or anything else, we receive blessing upon blessing. We begin to get a taste of the future kingdom of heaven.
Dying to ourselves at the cross of Christ, placing our confidence in Christ as our Lord and Savior will transform our lives. We cannot possibly be the same afterwards. It happens as a result of the power of God that is infused into our life at the moment of surrender to Christ’s rule.
Life lived in surrender and obedience to our Lord Jesus Christ does not lead us toward alienation with people, but toward reconciliation. The tenderness that Jesus cultivates in our hearts as we grow in our intimacy with Him is a tenderness that enhances relationships, particularly marriage.
Where does divorce start? It starts in the heart and in the brain. It starts with a broken promise, an unforgiveness, a selfishness.
Each of these is like a weed that seeks to take root in the soil of our heart. And it doesn’t take much to feed weeds. Nonetheless, we are responsible for letting weeds grow. It is a choice we make to not forgive, to be selfish, to break a promise and not repair the brokenness.
Those choices are really moves in the direction of alienation, not reconciliation. When we give permission to our mind to be selfish, to do nothing about the broken promise, to not forgive, we are choosing to move toward divorce.
32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Jesus is letting us know that ideas have consequences. Actions have consequences. He is saying, divorce did not come out of the air from nowhere. It starts in our diseased heart.
He says, “You can do your part to prevent divorce if you follow my prescription. But, you first must be convinced in your heart that small offenses, little unforgivenesses, petty selfishness accumulate to create a wedge in relationships. Take a no tolerance policy toward such things. Resist them at all costs.”
In Matthew 19, Jesus expands on his comments in Matthew 5.
7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
10 The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
Jesus wants us to understand the outcome. If I start down this road, I will eventually arrive somewhere. If that somewhere is death or destruction or alienation or divorce, why would I even beginto go down that road?