7 Habits of Highly Effective Teen by Sean Covey
Relationship Bank Account
Summary
by:
DanD, HunterD, and Maria M
The Relationship Bank Account is an “account” that you have with everyone you meet and know, such as friends, family, and teachers. In this account you can make deposits and withdrawals but once you meet a person you can never close it. Some examples of deposits would be to keep a promise, to do a small act of kindness, by being loyal, to listen, to apologize, and to set clear expectations. Some examples of withdrawals are to break promises, to keep to yourself, to gossip and to lose someone’s trust, to be arrogant, and to set expectations that you won’t follow up on.
Keeping promises is sometimes hard to do because they might be too big for you to handle. For example, if you promise to your parents to turn in all your homework, all the time, this may set you up because sometimes you forget. If instead, you say you promise to try to remember all your assignments and get things turned in, this would be more realistic and you are more likely to keep this promise. When you can’t keep a promise to someone you need to tell that person why you are unable to keep the promise. This way the person knows you were thinking of them and the promise you made, but you were unable to keep it.
Small acts of kindness can turn someone’s day around if they are in a bad mood. These acts include: saying hello, giving someone a kind note such as, “good job!”, helping someone pick up their stuff if they have dropped it in the hallway, offering to do a chore for someone in your house without being asked, and donating stuff or time to a charity. These acts of kindness don’t just make the other person happy, but you get a sense of happiness as well. If you have something nice to say, don’t just keep it to yourself, let it out and let the other person know what you are feeling.
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Loyalty means keeping other’s secrets, sticking up for someone even when this is not the popular thing to do, and not talking behind other people’s backs. If you keep someone’s secrets, then you will be avoiding gossip because when people share their friend’s secrets rumors can be spread about that person. When you stick up for someone you are helping them to defend themselves and making them feel better about who they are. If someone is your friend, you should take up for them even when other people don’t.
Listening can be one of the biggest deposits to your relationship bank account you can make. Most people don’t listen to other people and they can feel rejected. People like to be listened to, especially when things are going bad for them. Sometimes this is the one thing that people need the most…just for someone to hear what they have to say. If you listen to other people, they are more likely to become your friend.
Apologizing can happen after many situations. These include: after yelling at someone, hurting someone’s feelings, after an argument, etc. Many times apologizing comes after you have made a withdrawal from the relationship bank account. Saying you’re sorry for something you have done and really meaning it is very important to a relationship. Don’t let anything stop you from apologizing when you need to.
Setting clear expectations prevents feelings from being hurt. To send a clear message of the expectations you have take your time and explain every little detail about all of the expectations. When we take our time and make sure everyone knows what the expectations are and what to do and what not to do then people will trust you more.
Quotes
“Keeping small commitments is vital to building trust. You must do what you say you’re going to do.”
This means that to have someone trust you, you have to dowhat you say you’re going to do.
Description of Deposit/Withdrawal / + / - / BalanceBroken promise / $20 / -$20
Stood up for a Friend / $30 / $10
Helped someone pickup their dropped books in the hallway. / $25 / $35
Gossiped about a friend behind his/her back / $30 / $5
I helped my friend baby-sit / $15 / $20
Week Total / $70 / $50 / $20