ZCSD NEWSLETTER — December, 2003
2047 Felspar Street San Diego, California 92109-3551 858-273-3444
“For what will it profit a man, if he gains
the whole world and forfeits his life?”
Matthew 16:26
December Sesshin
The center will be closed for sesshin from Friday, December 26 through Wednesday, December 31. The last daisan before sesshin will be on Tuesday, December 23. Daisan will resume on Saturday, January 3.
January Sesshin in Santa Rosa
Ezra and Elizabeth will lead a sesshin in SantaRosa from Friday, January 16, 7:00 pm through Sunday, January 18, 5:00 pm. For information and application call Virginia at 707 431 1595 or go to www.santarosazengroup.org.
New Year’s Brunch
There will be a brunch on New Year’s Day from 10-12. Everyone is welcome to attend. The sign-up sheet will be in the main house kitchen. The location and cost will be posted soon.
SCHEDULE
Dawn Sitting Weekdays, Mon. – Fri. 6-7 am
Tues. Evening Two Sittings, 6:30 – 8:00 pm
Wed. Evening Two Sittings, 6:30 – 7:40 pm Practice seminar follows
(until about 8:20 pm)
Thurs. Evening Two Sittings, 6:30 – 8:00 pm
Sat. Morning 8:30 am Work practice
8:45 am Introductory workshop for newcomers
Follow-up instruction for those who have
attended introduction
9:00 am-noon Three sittings; Dharma talk
Page 2
The Aspiration to Be Free
One of the most difficult points to understand in practice is what it means when we say that the goal of practice is to simply be with our life as it is. Naturally when we start practice, we’ll have many misconceptions of what practice is. Specifically, we each have our own agenda: to be calmer, or more centered, or free from fear, and so on. After awhile we learn the practice rhetoric – that practice is not about fixing ourselves or changing ourselves. We’re taught that it’s not about replacing the undesirable parts of ourselves with a new improved version.
We learn the phrases: just notice and experience; just be with what is; don’t try to get rid of anything. But how many of us truly believe this? We have to be honest. Don’t we really notice and experience so that what we’re noticing and experiencing won’t be there anymore?
Let’s take anger as an example, or fear. When anger or fear arises, the teaching is to clearly see the mental process – what the thoughts are, what our strategies are, etc. – and then to reside in the physical experience of the anger or fear, to really feel what it is. The teaching clearly states that these things are not bad, and all we need to do is see them clearly and experience them fully. And right here is where I think most students get confused. It’s true, from an absolute level, that emotions like anger and fear are not bad – bad in the sense of evil. In fact, from the point of view of the absolute, there is neither good nor bad. But this, even though true, is mostly philosophical, in that its truth doesn’t seem to impact us on the level where we live.
We certainly think and feel that anger and fear are bad. In fact, we often get caught in thinking that we’re bad because we still have such emotions. How many times have you heard the self-judgmental mind saying – “after all these years I’m still doing that” – the implication being that I should be over that, that if I were a better practitioner I wouldn’t feel such petty things anymore. Or we pride ourselves in saying “That doesn’t bother me anymore” – with the implication that we’re a better person because of it. The point is, we might say that practice is not about trying to get rid of undesirable emotions, but in fact, we really think it is.
The good news is that, in part, practice really is about being less reactive and mechanical. It’s not that we’re bad if we still have these emotions, but that, in fact, it is too bad if this is all our life is. We can’t forget that practice really is about freedom. It’s about freedom from the constriction of anger, fear, greed and confusion. We can’t lose sight of the bigger picture of practice – which is to live a life more fully in accord with our natural Being; and that the nature of our Being is connectedness and love. To the extent that we’re not living in accord with our True Nature, that is, to the extent that we’re asleep in a very narrow mode of being, where we have the quiet demand that life be the way we want it to be, we will continue to experience dissatisfaction and a longing for freedom.The real problem is that we confuse this genuine desire for a more awake life of freedom with the self-centered demand that our life go the way we want it to – that our life be free of the problems we don’t want.
Practice is not about being free of problems. We will always have “problems.” Nor is it about never having fear, or anger, or other restricting emotions arise. As conditioned beings, emotions will always arise in us. The point is: our self-centered demand that we not have these emotions is what really needs to be addressed.
Here is the key: there is a vast difference between the demand to be free and our aspiration to be free. The demand comes from a self simply engaged in self-improvement, in order to be more comfortable. The aspiration comes from our True Nature, which is simply striving to reveal itself. Can you see this very crucial difference?
For example, say someone does something we don’t like and we get angry. On the one hand, we want to fix them, or blame them. But practice says No – it’s not about fixing or blaming – it’s about simply hearing the thoughts and experiencing the feelings. Yet, don’t we do that in a quest to be better, that is, endeavoring not to be angry? You see, first we’re driven to fix the other person or the situation, and then we’re driven to fix ourselves, by getting rid of our anger. We have to be honest – this is what we do when we’re still holding on to that quiet demand that life be different from what it is. But still, our aspiration is also at work – we still have the genuine desire to connect, to be free.
Interestingly, it is seeing through the demand that life be different that allows us to be willingly with whatever is; and this willingness, in turn, allows us to see through, experientially, the seeming solidity of our views and emotions. And when the solidity of our strongly held views and emotions is diminished, the driven quality that previously characterized life is diminished, and we canexperience our life beyond anydemand that it be different from what it is. This is the naturally evolving process of transformation that gradually enables us to taste the freedom for which we all yearn.
Ezra Bayda
Sesshin Application Follows on Page 4
APPLICATION FOR SESSHIN
ZEN CENTER of SAN DIEGO • 2047 Felspar St. • San Diego, CA 92109 • 858-273-3444
Please print clearly to avoid delay in processing your application, and please fill out this form completely.
Name ______Age ______Gender _____
Address ______City ______State ____ Zip ______
Home phone ______Work phone ______
Emergency contact (name) ______(phone) ______
(must be blood relative or spouse)
e-mail______(ZCSD has no e-mail address, but volunteers may contact you by e-mail).
Circle the sesshin for which you are applying:
Please note: Applications cannot be considered unless a check for sesshin fees is included
Date Member Non-member Mail-in Date
February 13-16 3-day 90.00 105.00 Dec 13, 2003
April 5-10 5-day 150.00 175.00 Feb 5, 2004
May 13-16 3-day E+E 90.00 105.00 Mar 13
June 21-26 5-day 150.00 175.00 April 21
Aug 16-21 5-day 150.00 175.00 June 16
Oct 8-11 3-day 90.00 105.00 Aug 8
Nov 11-14 3-day E+E 90.00 105.00 Sept 11
Dec 26-31 5-day 150.00 175.00 Sept 26
Have you ever attended sesshins with Joko or Elizabeth/Ezra? ___Yes ___ No
This will be my ___1st ___ 2nd ___ 3rd ___ + sesshin at ZCSD
Date/location/teacher of your most recent sesshin ______
Mail in form no earlier than the mail-in date above, marked: Attention Sesshin Coordinator. The postmark will be entered as the application date. Please wait to make air reservations until your application has been confirmed. We will notify you as soon as decisions have been made. If you haven’t heard from us exactly one month before the sesshin begins, please call the Center.
Arrive by 6:30 pm the first night.** Last day will end about 3:00 pm. A light snack will be available the first evening.
**Newcomers please arrive early for orientation. Orientation begins at 4:30 pm
Work Skills (circle): cooking, shopping prior to sesshin, electrical, carpentry, painting, computer, gardening, flower arranging, jobs prior to sesshin, other: ______
Physical conditions limiting participation:______
I agree to maintain a daily sitting practice from the time of this application through the sesshin. I will participate in the entire schedule, including interviews, sittings, meals, work, and any assigned tasks. I will be on time for all activities. I understand that my physical, mental, and emotional well-being are my own responsibility. Zen practice is not a substitute for therapy. I am capable of undertaking the rigors of a sesshin at this time. I am seeking medical or therapeutic treatment for any condition(s) I have, and have revealed all pertinent information on this form. I will sign a waiver releasing ZCSD from accident and injury liability.
______
Signature Legibly printed name
ALL BLANKS ON APPLICATION FILLED IN? ___ Yes ___ No Printable E-MAIL v 01/03