2-3-2 Argumentative Exemplar

Technology is something that has become a norm for society. All throughout the day you are using technology, whether for school, work, or personal reasons. It helps make our day-to-day tasks easier, but could it also be making us more stupid?While there are many benefits from technology, society is losing some of the characteristics that are vital to life. There are a plethora of potential risks in using technology.

Now with all the social media websites like Facebook, people don’t even have to leave their house to catch up or talk with their friends. According to “Social Media as Community” studies have “found that Americans have fewer intimate relationships today than 20 years ago.” In other words, technology has decreased human contact with other people. It can also cause people to have trouble focusing on their families (source 3). People are losing the social skills that are vital for life due to the increased use of technology.

Our smartphones allow us to go from site to site within seconds and then straight to a game. When we are on our phones or computers all the time, were always distracted. Deep thinking is what makes us intelligent, not the ability to find information quickly. “Deep thinking , brain scientists have discovered, happens only when our minds are calm and attentive.” (Source 2). If we’re distracted, we understand less, remember less, and learn less. In addition, always being distracted by technology can cause you to miss opportunities. “The stimulation provokes excitement- a dopamine squirt- that researchers say can be addictive.” (source 3). This excitement is what can cause deadly accidents while driving. Even after multitasking ends, fractured thinking and lack of focus persist (source). The continued multitasking with technologies is causing our brains to continue the same behavior as when we are not on computers.

There are scary potential risks in using technology. Social media websites are causing a decrease in the amount of intimate relationships people have. Also, technology is always distracting our brains, making deep thinking virtually impossible. People are becoming addicted to technology, which only adds more stress to our lives. Technology is changing society and it isn’t for the better.

Notes:

This student exemplar scored a 2 in Purpose, Focus, and Organization because the claim and counterclaim are not adequately developed.
The claim is present, but the progression of ideas is uneven. It lacks transitions which causes confusion(Example – paragraph 3).
The essay did not address a counterclaim.
This student exemplar scored a 3 in Evidence and Elaboration. This is a good example of a lower 3.
There is clearly textual evidence and an attempt to explain/elaborate.
Though the evidence is there, the warrants/explanations/elaborations of the evidence is weak.