Uncle J Facts

1) Uncle Jesse never has to pay roaming charges.

2) Uncle Jesse never rewinds video tapes he rents from Blockbuster. There is nothing they can doabout it.

3) Uncle Jesse has never gotten a speeding ticket. In fact, Uncle Jesse issues speeding tickets topolice officers.

4) Uncle Jesse despises Weezer. As a matter of fact, Weezer tried to get "The Rippers"to tour with them, and Uncle Jesse gave them all atomic wedgies. ALL of them.

5) Uncle Jesse took home a glowing piece of the Aggro-Crag on Nickelodeon GUTS. He beat out 10-year-old Brian "The Dodger" Rogers and 9-year-old Sean "Smiley" Riley.

6) Uncle Jesse always has the right of way at four-way stops.

7) There are47 pandas named Uncle Jesse in the San Diego area.

8) Uncle Jesse's solar-powered calculator works at night.

Uncle J Facts Cont’d

9) Dust has to wait in line to collect on Uncle Jesse's things.

10) Uncle Jesse flew a paper airplane around the world.

11) Uncle Jesse refused to buy Becky a watch. Instead, he bought her a stove with a clock.

12) You can legally park in a handicapped space. Handicapped just means that you're not Uncle Jesse.

13) Uncle Jesse can recharge non-rechargeable batteries. That includes Duracell.

14) Uncle Jesse doesn't pay for the vowels he buys on "Wheel of Fortune," nor does he have tophrase his answers in the form of questions on "Rock & Roll Jeopardy."

15) Uncle Jesse's hair can throw better roundhouse kicks than Chuck Norris.

16) Uncle Jesse has an Xbox 720.

17) Uncle Jesse has not seen Star Wars. In fact, Uncle Jesse TP'ed George Lucas'house.

And the winner is…

First, Uncle Jesse made Zack Morris sign a waiver. The bell sounded, and Zack Morris lunged toward UJ, much to the delight of all the girls in tight, floral-print jean shorts. Morris had vengeance in his eyes, as he witnessed not long ago what Uncle Jesse did to his former buddy, A.C. Slater. Uncle Jesse stuck his hand out, and held Zack at bay while Zack continued to swing at UJ. Then the 'larm gave out a warning, Uncle Jesse grabbed his books, and he gave himself a look, then threw Zack Morris to the corner as the bus flew by. The bus crushed Zack Morris. Zack Morris started crying, and Uncle Jesse cooked a pot roast. Oh, wait, no he didn't. He made seven pirates cook it for him. Zack hobbled back into the ring, but got caught on the way by Mr. Belding, who wanted to know HEY, HEY, HEY, what was going on there? Apparently, Zack Morris had cut class! On Cut Day! During a Styrofoam protest! Zack tried to call a "Time Out," but Uncle Jesse countered by calling his own “Time Out”. Uncle Jesse can do that because he invented the “Time Out” long before Zack was even conceived. Belding grabbed Zack by the ear, and Uncle Jesse grabbed Zack by the elastic band of his boxers. They both launched Zack high into the rafters (despite the weight of his cell phone, floppy-tongued Converses, and jeans that were tucked into them), where he exploded into a million Buddy Bands. Uncle Jesse and Belding shared a handshake, and a quiche. Then they went to Rod Belding's house (Mr. Belding's brother with the cool "I'm a substitute teacher but I don't care about rules, I'd rather go whitewater rafting" hair).Chalk one up for the Greek.

Uncle J Likes/Dislikes

Likes

Food: / Gyros
Movie: / Judge Dredd
Song: / "Hit Me Baby One More Time"-Britney Spears
Video Game: / Tie between Contra and Rampage
Olsen Twin: / Ashley
Hairstyle: / Whatever he is wearing
Professional Wrestler: / Honky Tonk Man
Celebrity to party with: / David Hasselhoff
Animal: / Hippopotamus
Popsicle Flavor: / Banana
New Kid on the Block: / Donnie Wahlberg
Ninja Turtle: / Raphael
Car: / 1969 Ford Mustang
State: / Graceland
School Subject: / Recess
Laundry Detergent: / Cheer w/ color guard

Dislikes

Food: / Danny Tanner's Chicken Parmesan
Movie: / Groundhog Day
Song: / "In Da Club"-50 Cent
Video Game: / Everquest
Olsen Twin: / Mary-Kate
Hairstyle: / Whatever you are wearing
Professional Wrestler: / Aldo Montoya
Celebrity to party with: / Hugh Jackman
Animal: / Comet the dog
Popsicle Flavor: / Apple
New Kid on the Block: / Joey McIntyre
Ninja Turtle: / Leonardo
Car: / 1987 Chevy Astro Van
State: / Nebraska
School Subject: / French
Laundry Detergent: / All

Uncle Jesse:

America’s Unsung Hero

This is an ode to Uncle Jesse and all that he is. It seems like everyone’s obsessing over Walker Texas Ranger and roundhouse kicks when we should be grateful for the awesome man who wore leather on every episode of Full House. I really liked Brian’s board on Chuck Norris so I thought I’d create an Uncle Jesse one. Please note that some of the information provided within the bulletin board was changed/deleted due to the vulgarity of the content. Anyway, I hope you enjoy and your residents get a kick out of it. I know mine did! 

Submitted by: Alexis from Southern Illinois University Edwardsville