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September 10, 2017
You Are The Ring Around My Finger
Matthew 18:15-20
At first glance, Matthew 18:15-20isa suggested model or flow chart for any interpersonal problem in any church or organization where people are required to get along. Italmost sounds like something found in a personnel manual or a human resources notebook. And, not surprising, manychurches and denominations take this passage literally or at very least, use it as guiding principle for resolving conflicts within the church.
It's a step by step process:
Step 1:(The Direct Approach) If you're having a problem or conflict or a difference of opinion with another individual in the church, meet with him or her in private; share with him or her how he or she has offended you or hurt your feelingsand if he or she listens to you and repents of their actions and words, then the issue is resolved. Finished. Put to rest Amen. If not though, move onto step 2.
Step 2: (Gang Up on the Person) If the person will not hear you out or ask for forgiveness or show some sign of remorse, set up another appointment with that person, but this time, bring reinforcements. Bring your pastor with you; bring your spouse; bring a friend;bring a ruling elder; bring anyone who will stand by your claim and support you, and yet, if ganging up on the person falls short of what you really want,go to step 3.
Step 3: (Public Shaming) If he or she doesn't see it your way after the first two approaches, pull out the big guns. Write about him or her in church newsletter or e-news orpost your complaint on Face Book. Here's an idea! Have the preacher write a sermon specifically targeted toward that person or even have that person stand up during "The Prayer of Confession and say, "It is I." Or get yourself on the session docket and voice your grievances to the ruling elders. .. and maybe, just maybe, that person will finally get the hint and leave the church.
It's a step-by-step process, but there are obvious problems with this method. The problemI see is what comes right after these instructions. Indeed, right after this detailed process on resolving interpersonal relationships in the church, Jesus adds:"Truly, I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven." And a few verses later, Peter, after hearing these same instructions, asks Jesus: "If another person of the church sins against me,how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?"
"Not seven times, (Jesus answers) but seventy-seven times."
So much for following those neat and tidy instructions!
In other words, Jesus says to the disciples (and to us) whatever we withhold from others, (be it forgiveness, mercy, understanding, empathy, or acceptance); if we keep these things fromanother person, in the greater of scheme of things, our refusal to be mercifulreflects more on who we are than the person we accuse. It the case of the "pot calling the kettle black" or in Jesus' words, "not noticing the log in our eye." (Mt. 7:4) And so,as I understand this passage, if we have only followed these steps, followed this procedure, we have not done enough.
Look God! I followed all the rules!
I went through all the steps, Lord!
I still don't like that person.
Of course, he or she left the church or community.
It didn't end well, but at least,I went through the steps.
It's all good, right?
I did what Jesus said, right?
Perhaps, part of the challenge for us with regards to this text begins with our attitude toward it or the belief that all our relationships can be fixed or repaired like one might use duct tape to repair a leaky pipe.
Several years ago, when I was teaching public speaking communication studies in a small liberal arts college in Oregon, I had quote from George Bernard Shaw pinned on my office door which read:
"The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place."
I think that is true for churches, for families, for friendships, for our place of work, for any conversation where people must work and work to understand one another.
David Lose, President of The Lutheran Theological Seminary at Philadelphia, writes:
What if the point is less about having a code of conduct to follow and more about regaining a brother or sister? And what if Matthew’s major concern isn’t actually about settling disputes but creating an environment where Christ’s presence continues to bring forgiveness, healing, and joy?
[David Lose continues]
Seeking agreement with others in the community is not finding the right formula to force God’s hand to grant us what we want but instead it is the promise that when Christians come together to discuss, listen for, and discern God’s will, nothing is out of our reach."
I believe that. . .
Nothing is out of our reach.
In my experience, when Christians, when people of faith, people who respect and honor each other–when those kind of people come together to listen for and discern God's will, nothing is out of our reach. Nothing.
Yesterday, Lynne and I spent the day with leaders in this church from 9-2. We had a session retreat at L.F. and Susan Payne's home. We talked about what it means to be leaders in both church and community. We spent time getting to know each other. We listened to each other. And we spent time discerning togetherwhere we are going as a congregation--the challenges ahead of us. We talked about how might stretch ourselves and grow in our faith. We asked hard questions. And one of the things we re-affirmed as leaders of Westminster Presbyterian Church is our commitment toour ministry of reaching out to UVA students and faculty.
We re-affirmed that's why WPC was planted here on Rugby Road so many years ago. Reaching out to faculty and students and using Common Grounds as welcoming and safe place for students is in our DNA. We believe this ministry is important--so, I want to encourage you, when you hear announcements about providing dinners or lunches for our college students or you hear about opportunities that connect us with UVA, get involved. Help out.
It's in our DNA at WestminsterPresbyterian Church to offer friendship and loving support to students seeking a home away from home.
I agree with David Lose. Nothing is out of our reach when we come together and listen to one another. And that includes everything from figuring out how to do a better job at reaching to UVA students or caring for the homeless in our community or enhancing our worship services to healing broken relationships.
When I had only been the pastor at Cascades Presbyterian Church for few months, Larry Anderson phoned the Chair of the Pastor Nominating Committedto voice his concern about the new pastor. Larry informed the PNC chair he was concerned by the fact that I had been opening his personal mail at church. Larry was in charge of Building and Grounds, and I'll admit it: when a promotional letter arrived at the church office from Home Depot or Lowe's and was addressed to the Building and Grounds Elder, Larry Anderson, I opened it up. I didn't think it was big deal. But it was a big deal to Larry. He told my PNC Chair that we should call the Presbytery Executive and ask his advice in this matter. That we had rouge pastor on our hands. Thank God, Jim, the Pastor Nominating Chair had the wisdom to tell Larry to call me first. And so Larry and I arranged a meeting: We met in his living room to hammer out our differences. I was angry. He was angry. We raised our voices. And in the end, we made an agreement about how we treat each other. And while, I was still steaming when I left's Larry's home, Larry, being a true Scotsman with a thick Scottish accent, thought we had a great discussion and offered me a beer. For short whileafter that, I thought I would never get over it.
But then about a month later, I received a phone call at about 12:30 at night. It was Larry Andersen. He was weeping. His son, an anesthesiologist in the Portland area, had committed taken his own life. And now Larry was calling me, his pastor, to ask if I could drive Beth and him to the police station to read their son's goodbye note. It terrible. I stayed with Larry and Beth and their family'til early the next morning. And together, over the next few years, we walked through this tragedy and to make a long story short, Larry and I became friends.
Remember. Keep this next phrase close to your heart: Nothing is out of reach.
After presenting a set of rules and instructions to his disciples, after warning the disciples about withholding forgiveness from another person, Jesus, in essence, says to them:
"Truly I tell you, nothing is out of reach. If two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am in the midst of them."
(18:19-20)
The 13th c., Persian poet, Rumi once wrote these words:
“A circle of lovely, quiet people becomes the ring on my finger."[i]
To me, this is a thought-provoking image and a beautiful one. A circle of friends, (some quiet, some not so quiet) becomes the ring around my finger; Heather, Katie, Madeline, my parents, and my grandparents.My family.They are all represented by this ring.
"A circle of lovely, quiet people becomes the ring on my finger"
Yesterday, sitting in a living room with leaders from this church, we formed a ring. Ruling and teaching elders sat in a circle and made a commitment to lead the people of God with humility, wisdom and grace, and to support each other. That's the ring on my finger. That's the ring on your finger . . . and God is part of this ring. Remember what Jesus said?
"For where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am in the midst of them."
Remember how I started this sermon?
I began by talking about the rules, procedures, and steps to follow, but now we're talking something much larger and inclusive and gracious and holy. We are talking about the church community;we talking about supporting each other in ministry.Right now, take a moment to think of those people who love and support you.Think of the names people who you know would stand beside you through thick and thin.Who are the lovely people who become the ring on your finger? And thinking of them and giving thanks for them, remember: together, supporting each other, praying for each other, standing up for each other, nothing is out of our reach. Amen.
[i]from A Hidden Wholeness, Wendell Berry, p. 59