Contact: Ellen Folan

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Advice & Talking Points From

THE SEXUALLY CONFIDENT WIFE

Connecting With Your Husband Mind•Body•Heart•Spirit

By Shannon Ethridge

**Ethridge is the author of the million-plus-selling Every Woman’s Battle series. She is an inspirational speaker, counselor, and advocate for healthy sexuality with a master’s degree in counseling and human relations from Liberty University.**

Where did the confidence go, and how can we get it back?

CONFRONT GHOSTS FROM YOUR PAST

  • Sexual Abuse: With approximately 1/3 of women experience some form of sexual abuse in their lifetime, how can we heal the deep scars of such experiences?

10 steps toward healing from sexual abuse…

  1. Assign responsibility and let go of shame
  2. Look at your labels, and create new ones if necessary
  3. Understand who you really are, apart from any abuse
  4. Be honest with your husband about your experiences and feelings
  5. Give yourself permission to seek the time and space to heal
  6. Experiment to discover what intimate acts you do feel comfortable with
  7. Exercise your right to choose when and how you are touched
  8. Feel the feelings and let them out in a safe environment
  9. Break the cycle of abuse
  10. Connect to your spiritual self to foster spiritual healing.
  • Sexual Past: Many women harbor feelings of guilt and fear about intimate relationships they had before they were married. What can we learn from these past encounters? Is there a pattern that needs breaking? How can we rid ourselves of our self-imposed Scarlet Letters?

10 Steps to Sexual Freedom…

  1. Admit that your sexual identity needs reshaping
  2. Make your own list of sexual partners
  3. Identify the theme
  4. Learn the lesson
  5. Forgive others
  6. Forgive yourself
  7. Create a “no contact” rule (for your past flings)
  8. Create a “no comparison” rule
  9. Keep your slate clean
  10. Forget intensity and focus on intimacy

OVERCOME SEXUAL INHIBITIONS AND DISTRACTIONS

  • Develop a girl scout mentality about sex – Be Prepared!Ethridge identifies 7 common “Confidence Busters” facing the average wife on a daily basis. These distractionscan zap your sexual energy and eagerness to share yourself with your partner. Ethridge offers sage advice and simple solutions to turn each potential pitfall into a “Confidence Booster.”

7 Common “Confidence Busters”…

  1. Burning the candle at both ends
  2. Neglecting personal hygiene
  3. Wearing granny panties
  4. Fearing intrusive children
  5. Getting sidetracked by surroundings
  6. Letting the well run dry
  7. Feeling like a piece of meat
  • Reshape Your Body Image: According to the National Eating Disorders Association, approximately 45% of women are dieting on any given day. 80% of women report that they are unhappy with their appearance. No surprise then that the #1 reason women avoid sex is (drum roll, please) because they are uncomfortable with how their body looks!

10 Positive Body Image Tactics…

  1. Rid your mind of sexual stereotypes
  2. Don’t assume your husband is pointing out your flaws every time he touches you
  3. Take a healthy inventory – discover and appreciate the body parts you love!
  4. Focus on function, and be grateful
  5. Avoid unrealistic comparisons
  6. Choose your vocabulary wisely (instead of “chubby”, think“voluptuous”)
  7. Choose your wardrobe wisely
  8. Learn to like what you see in the mirror
  9. Learn to love who you see in the mirror
  10. Teach other women how to treat themselves
  • Set sexual boundaries with your partner: Setting sexual boundaries with your partner will 1) help you both identify your likes and dislikes and 2) enable you to experiment without fear and inhibition.

3 Principles of Sexual Boundaries…

  1. Sex is intended to be pleasurable to both husband and wife
  2. Sex should never be painful for either partner (physically or mentally)
  3. Sex should foster a sense of trust and intimacy

HARNESS YOUR SEXUAL POWER

  • Promiscuity is not the answer: What women are really longing for is genuine passion, intimacy, and connection. Rather than searching for the ideal lover (somewhere outside of your union), you can create the ideal love.

5 Guidelines for Harnessing Your Sexual Power…

  1. Recognize the enormous power your sexuality holds
  2. Never withhold sex as punishment for bad behavior
  3. View sex as more than a reward for good behavior
  4. Avoid the old “bait and switch” trick
  5. Don’t keep score in the bedroom

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