Life as a Single Parent
Carmel Tregillis – Melbourne –Australia
My name is Carmel and I started the adoption process in 1997 having had a failed relationship due to not being able to conceive a child. Having children was a life-long dream which I was determined to achieve. In January 1999 I sent my file to Romania and was allocated a little girl but unfortunatelyjust before I was ready to travel she became extremely ill and so the allocation was withdrawn. In December 1999 I was allocated another little girl whom is my first daughter, Laura (now 6 yrs). Traveling to Romania was a challenge in itself but well worth the trip. Unfortunately we have not been able to keep in touch with anyone in Romania which is a bit of a shame for Laura but she seems to have a good understanding of the situation.
In 2002 I had been thinking about extending the family and in fact Laura had said one day “Mum can I have a sister”. Luckily this process was much quicker than my first experience in applying and I collected my second daughter, Sarah from Hong Kong in 2003. I traveled with Laura and my sister who had also accompanied me to Romania and wanted to be a “part of this experience” as well. At the time SARS was quite bad and so we had to wear masks and stay indoors quite a bit so we did not get to see much of Hong Kong. My social worker, Ms. Wind Au and the foster parents were absolutely wonderful. They could not have been more “welcoming’ and had done a wonderful job in preparing Sarah as much as is possible with a child who is 2.7 years.
On returning to Australia, Melbourne Sarah seemed to be grieving quite a lot which was very hard for her. She seemed to get on well with her “big sister” and did not like to be without her. Unfortunately after about 3 months at home she began to have seizures. There was nothing in her medical history which would have indicated a problem and so she was admitted to hospital. This was very hard for her and I as a mother was very concerned for her health. I stayed in hospital with her but the separation from Laura was difficult. At one stage the doctors had told me she could have a brain tumor which was devastating!!! After many tests had been performed the conclusion was that she was an “epileptic” which apparently is quite common for this to begin at this age. It was such a relief. Having a child with seizures was not a problem for me personally as I work in the medical field and also a couple of family members have epilepsy. During this difficult period I had contact with Ms. Wind Au who was very helpful in trying to find out if any medical information may have been overlooked. This was not the case but it proves to me how this program “cares so very much for the children”. Having explained the difficulties initially with Sarah, I would like to point out that I am more than aware that any child, whether biological or adopted, medical issues can arise when you least expect them!!!!!
On discharge from hospitalI then started again with trying to make her feel secure and most of all loved. We certainly had a very rough start but throughout this time she was a “tough little girl” and now she is a happy, loving and well adjusted girl who loves her sister very much.
Sarah is an extremely bright girl who is very eager to attend school. She craves to have more and more information e.g. wants to spell words, wants to learn how to tell the time etc. etc.
In September 2005 we returned to Hong Kong after Sarah (5 yrs) had asked to visit so that she could see where she was born, the orphanage where she first stayed, Po Leung Kuk and of course the foster parents and Ms. Wind Au and all the other social workers who had been involved in her care whilst in Hong Kong. I had planned sometime in the future to re-visit Hong Kong but had not anticipated that Sarah would be ready after only 2½ years. The visit was the most wonderful experience. Sarah was satisfied that her wishes had “come true”. I have been fortunate to be able to keep in contact with Sarah’s foster parents who are a wonderful family and we all spent some time together. For our family the foster parents, Ms. Wind Au (ISS), Ms. Tong (Social Welfare) and Ms. Wan (Christian Services) are like our “extended family”. They greeted us warmly and they always include Laura which is so important for the relationship between Laura (Romania) and Sarah (Hong Kong). The best thing about our trip was on our return home to Australia when Sarah said “I really like Hong Kong Mum, but I LOVE my HOME in Australia”.
I am a member of two parent groups which hold functions for the respective countries. I think this is important so that my daughters see other children from their cultures living in Australia. The two girls “mix” very well in the respective cultures Romanian / Chinese.
People often ask how do I cope being a single parent? My answer is always that it is not difficult, you ‘just have to be organized”. I enjoy and love my children so verymuch and I have never had any regrets about adopting my two daughters. Some days I can’t remember what I did with my time before the kids. The other advantage is that I don’t have to “make time” to care for a marital relationship and can focus on the children and their interests and needs. Of course, my extended family and some very good friends are always willing to “help out” if the need does arise.
ISS give such wonderful, informative information when you are allocated the child which is not the case with a lot of other countries. The mostdifficult part of the process is the waiting time from allocation to travel which can be anything up to 7 months. This wait is hard for any adoptive parent, but more so when there is other children in the family who are anxiously awaiting a new sister / brother.
I am so very grateful to ISS / Social Welfare and all the other staff involved in the Intercountry Adoption Program. For anyone wishing to proceed after reading this article I wish you the very best!!