Whatever the Causes, Individualism Is Worsening. People Are Walking Around in Their Own

Sometime, somehow, we as a society lost our grace. Basic manners, proper dress, etiquette, respect for others, empathy—all have been sacrificed in our society in the name of individual expression. You could point to any number of causes for this. It may be traced to the 1960s. During the protests against the Vietnam War and other governmental actions, people seemed to lose respect for every institution. The Me Generation venerated self-exploration and self-interest. The baby boomers, resentful of their parents’ rules and a perceived lack of nurturing, treated their children as if they were royalty, whose every whim is to be indulged. We see the results of that particular experiment all around us. Finally, the rise of personal technology has turned everyone ever further inward.

Whatever the causes, individualism is worsening. People are walking around in their own bubble, oblivious to their surroundings and the sensitivities of others.

Don’t get me wrong, there have been many positive developments in recent decades. Women and minorities have experienced vastly improved opportunities and respect. I don’t long for the days of spare the rod and spoil the child.

And yet, we have lost something profound. Without civility, our discourse—both public and private—is coarser. We see the lack of grace everywhere around us. Four-way stops are now games of chicken, as some think they deserve to go first, no matter when they pulled up. Young people refuse to give up their seat to elderly men or pregnant women. People don’t say “thank you” when a rare courtesy is given.

Then there’s dress. For many years now business casual—or far worse—has ruled the day in most workplaces. Gone is the suit and tie for men and business dress for women. I’m not against casual dress per se. I personally would much prefer to wear casual clothes on some workdays. It’s more comfortable, no doubt about it. However, if you are involved in client contact, such as sales or consulting, your attire sends a message. If you want to show respect and desire to be taken seriously as a business professional, you have to dress appropriately.

The interesting thing about our loss of manners is that people still like to be treated with courtesy, even if many of them don’t know how to treat others that way. Saying “thank you” and “please” are the smallest of acts, but they set the tone for your interactions. I am often viewed as a throwback, but I still hold doors for women (and men, for that matter). I hold women’s chairs at dinner or lunch so they are seated properly before me. It is simply the right thing to do.

I once had to fire a salesperson for lack of manners. He would take clients out to dinner and before clients and their wives were seated he would plop down at a table and start eating the rolls from the breadbasket. There were other notable violations of conduct and after numerous warnings and lectures he still committed the same offenses so that had no choice but to terminate him.

This all may sound old-fashioned to some people. We are getting used to boorish behavior. And yet, everything I’ve discussed can have a positive effect in all kinds of settings. Dress appropriately, exhibit good manners and always be gracious to others—you’ll find yourself a hero. My grandmother used to tell me to always say “thank you” and “please,” because all kinds of doors would open for me if I conducted myself in that manner. I know now how right grandmother was!

Thank you for reading,

Chuck Lauer