Contents

Introduction / 3
Class Covenant / 5
Class Schedule / 7
Week One: Disciple / 9
Week Two: Covenant / 17
Week Three: Worship / 27
Week Four: Husband / 37
Week Five: Wife / 47
Week Six: Communication / 55
Week Seven: Intimacy / 63
Week Eight: Mission / 75
Recommended Books / 85
Appendix: Process for Counseling, Community, Weddings, First Year Follow Up / 89

Introduction

Marriage Planner and Homework Assignments

These questions and Marriage Planner are for you and your future marriage. It is easy to get swept up in the busyness of planning for a wedding and in the process, forget you really need to be planning for a marriage. As you answer these questions, remember, you are not answering them for a pastor, but for yourselves. It is intended to guide you into a deeper understanding of Christ, the Gospel and His purpose for your marriage, by encouraging you to grapple with hard questions and look for hope and meaning in the Cross, the scriptures and in the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

If you are purposeful in referring to it, it will simply be a tool you can use to evaluate how you are doing, where you are heading, and a reminder to be aware of God’s presence in your life. Each week, in addition to notes from the class, there will be several sections for you to work on:

  1. Scripture memory- a verse to learn as a couple
  2. Evaluate yourself- where are you at personally right now in your life? In relationship to Jesus?
  3. Evaluate each other- how well do you really know this person you are considering marrying? Are you really convinced he or she loves and worships Jesus?
  4. Evaluate your relationship together- are you honoring God in your relationship and your pursuit of marriage? How central is Christ when you both think of your future marriage? Are you both on the same page?

Your Marriage Planner is intended for you to begin crafting now and modifying and changing as the two of you grow in your marriage. It will encourage you to be in the Word and to develop spiritual convictions regarding your marriage as well as being forward thinking and active in your relationship.

In addition to a reading resource list, there is also an appendix included in the back to help explain the processes for premarital counseling, finding a community group, and requesting a Mars Hill Pastor and coordinator for your wedding, and a one year follow- up plan for the first year of your marriage.

God intends a Biblical marriage to be full of joy and a tangible reason to celebrate with another person, what he has done for us through Christ. Choosing the person you will spend the rest of your life with is the biggest decision you will ever make. Jesus calls you to represent him well in all that you are and all that you do, including, marriage and whom you decide to marry. This class and homework are designed to help guide you in making a Godly decision. Thanks for being a part of the class and letting us serve you.

Preparing For Marriage Class Covenant

Matthew 5: 37 “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.”

Proverbs 15:31 “The ear that listens to life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise.”

  • We covenant to be sexually pure from now until we are married.
  • We covenant to continue to live separately from each other until we are married.
  • We covenant to attend the class weekly and if we miss, we will let our small group leader know.
  • We covenant to spend time together completing all homework readings and assignments.
  • We covenant to be open and honest in our premarital counseling sessions.
  • We covenant to be actively seeking God’s will and purpose for our relationship and will seek pastoral guidance in determining if we should enter into marriage.
  • We covenant to submit ourselves to the authority of Mars Hill Church leadership, either as covenant members or regular attendees.
  • We covenant to be actively involved in a community group both now and after our marriage.

Signature______

Printed name______

Date ______

Preparing for MarriageSpring 2010 Schedule

Week 1: April 11Disciple

Week 2: April 18Covenant

Week 3: April 25Worship

Week 4: May 2Husband

Week 5: May 9Wife

Week 6: May 16Communication

Week 7: May 23Intimacy

Week 8: May 30Mission

Supplemental Reading:

“Love That Lasts”Gary and Betsy Riccuci

“God, Marriage, and Family”Andreas Kostenberger

Questions?

Week One: Disciple- Who do you follow?

“Man is bound to God as a fish is bound to water. When a fish seeks to be free from water, it loses both its freedom and its life. When we seek to be free from God, we become slaves to sin”.

Anthony Hoekema

“We live like Jesus is a dead philosopher, we are interested in his words, but not really interested in a living relationship with Him.”

Winston Smith

“For while we were still weak, at the right timeChrist died for the ungodly.”

Apostle Paul- Romans 5: 6

“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace….”

Apostle Paul- Eph 1:7

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”

Apostle Paul- 2 Cor 5:17

“If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”

Jesus Christ- John 8:31

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.”

Jesus Christ- Luke 14:26-27

I. What is a disciple of Jesus Christ?

Definition

  • Someone confronted by Jesus in order to be moved by Jesus so he or she can love like Jesus.
  1. Confronted by Jesus
  • Includes all of you, if you have heard of Jesus, you have been confronted by him
  • Confrontation is not condemnation
  • You have to answer the question Jesus asked, “Who do you say I am?”
  1. Moved by Jesus (in, from, to)
  • A true Christian or disciple of Christ = “In Christ”
  • Demonstrates Gospel redemption which is directional (from-to)

a)From dead heart to regenerated heart

  • Ezek 36:25-27- new heart and new desires
  • Regeneration is a gift from God and completely the work of the Holy Spirit
  • Our regenerated heart can now faith and hope in the finished work of Christ

b)From child of wrath (enemy) to child of God (beloved)

  • Christ’s death on the Cross was the Atonement for our sin
  • Eph 2:3
  • I John 4: 10 “In this is love,not that we have loved Godbut that he loved us and sent his Son to bethe propitiation for our sins.”
  • Propitiate- satisfy or absorb God’s wrath
  • Expiate- cleansed from all sin, both mine and those committed against me
  • I John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
  • Adopted into God’s family because of Jesus, not because we bring anything to the table

c)From guilty to justified

  • Justified: declared righteous before God because of the righteousness of Christ
  • imputed righteousness- new legal standing
  • II Cor 5:21“For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might becomethe righteousness of God.”
  • imparted righteousness- regeneration, his righteousness in us through the work of the Holy Spirit, not our work

d)From separated from Christ to Union with Christ

  • We have been reconciled to God through Jesus’ work on the Cross
  • Rom 6:5,8 “For if we have united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him”.
  • We are now defined by him, not our sin

e)e) From slave to sin to slave to Christ

  • You are owned by someone or something, who owns you?
  • Rom 6:22 “But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life.”
  1. Examples from Scripture

a)Confronted by Jesus but not moved. Knew about him but didn’t know him.

  • John 6:25-66

b)Confronted by Jesus and moved by Jesus (in, from, to)

  • John 4: 1-43
  • Woman at the well

II. What does it look like to be a disciple of Jesus Christ?

  • Evidences of a regenerated heart (being, not just doing)
  • As recipients of grace, we gladly give grace
  • Loving like Jesus
  • True Godliness, not the appearance of Godliness
  1. Life time of true repentance
  • Thinking rightly about God (turn to God from sin)- true repentance
  • Starts with confessing sin, but doesn’t end there
  • Seeking forgiveness, extending forgiveness

2. We trust in God instead of ourselves

  • Shows a dependency on Christ
  • Demonstrates a need for a Savior
  • We believe truth instead of lies
  • We know we are loved, accepted and forgiven by Jesus

3. Fruit of the spirit spills out of us in increasing measure

  • Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control
  • Evidence of the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives

4. We display new desires

  • New desires, interests and motives
  • We want to read our Bibles
  • We want to pray
  • We want to go to church
  • We want to spend time with other Christians
  • We want to share Jesus with others
  • Sanctification- Growth in wisdom, maturity, grace, freedom and humility

5. We are on mission to be disciple makers

  • Spouse
  • Kids
  • Family and Friends
  • Co-workers
  • Neighbors
  • Community

III. What are the obstacles to living as a disciple of Jesus?

  • We will be tempted to question our identity, both from internal and external sources. Even Jesus had his identity questioned by Satan, his own people, and his own family
  • Matt 4:3,6,9 26:68, 27:40-43

1. Fear of man

  • We worry about what people think about us
  • We are motivated by seeking acceptance, approval, and recognition from people

2. Pride

  • We’re doing just fine and feel good about ourselves, we don’t really need God
  • We have lots of self-confidence and high self-esteem

3. Unbelief

  • What truth we truly buy into gets exposed
  • We become susceptible to believing lies as we exchange the truth for the lie (Rom 1:25)

4. Performance

  • We think we need to earn God’s favor

5. Reverting back to familiar ways of “old family” thinking

  • Even though we are adopted, sometimes we will run back to old, familiar “family” ways of thinking and doing
  • We let our past sin and failures define us

6. Marrying an unbeliever

  • You need to evaluate and determine, with prayer and counsel from others, if this person is truly a Christian

IV. From Her Perspective

A. Becoming a disciple of Christ involves understanding the difference between 3 questions:

  1. Who was I? To understand who you were, think about:
  • Sin you have committed
  • Sin committed against you.
  • What has God saved you from?
  • What makes you responsible for nailing Jesus to the cross?
  • We must understand Jesus’ crucifixion and atonement to get past who we were.

2. Who am I? To understand who you are, think about:

  • God’s character – what of Him do we image?
  • I AM IN CHRIST – what does this mean for your life?
  • Your character – how has God formed you? With what passions, giftings?
  • What are your current sin struggles? Areas of redemption?
  • We must understand justification to know who we are today.

3.Who am I becoming? To understand who you are becoming, think about:

  • What promises of God can I claim to be fulfilled in my lifetime?
  • Where is God calling me to trust and follow Him?
  • What do I want for my future?
  • How do I want to live my life?
  • We must understand sanctification to know who we are becoming.

B. Identity

We often default to defining ourselves with “I AM” statements based on:

  • Sin – I am… what I have done sinfully or what has been done to me
  • Success – I am… what I have accomplished successfully (no need for God
  • Sentiments – I am… defined by how I feel right now
  • Stuff – I am… defined by what I possess or control
  • Surroundings - I am… defined by this difficulty or trial

C. Right understanding of identity comes from beginning with who God is.

He is:

  • Creator
  • Father
  • Redeemer
  • I AM WHO I AM

D. Practical ideas for grounding identity in Christ:

  1. Open your Bible
  • Let it be a mirror to your soul Heb 4:12
  • Let it define you as a daughter, woman
  • Let it delight your soul Psalm 119
  1. Keep a journal
  • Document your journey with God and your man
  • Grasp the redemptive thread of your life in God’s big picture
  • Track evidences of grace in both of you
  1. Be biblically self aware

Questions from above

  • Who were you?
  • Who are you?
  • Who are you becoming?
  1. Connect the Truth of God to your life/Personalize the Bible and our teaching
  • What is evidence that you are a disciple of God? What does that mean to you?
  • What does fear of God mean for you every day?
  • How does God’s sovereignty impact your decisions?
  • What does it mean to you when God says he is good and you are in the midst of suffering and pain?

Your identity in Christ will not change on your wedding day – it was purchased with His blood on Calvary. Anchor your identity on His Truth.

V. Reflection- What is your takeaway from today’s class?

Marriage Planner Homework

Week One: Disciple

I. Scripture memory

II Cor 5:21“For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”

II. Evaluate yourself

1. Who do you follow? How would your friends, family and co-workers answer that question?

2.How important was following Jesus in your life before you met this person you are thinking of marrying?

3. What difference does Jesus and the Cross make in your life on a daily basis? Do you know Jesus or know about Jesus?

  1. Do you have a desire to pursue reading God’s word and spend time in prayer? Do you believe the Bible is authoritative and the actual word of God? Explain.
  1. Do you have a desire to share the good news of Jesus with non-believers? Explain.
  1. Do you have a desire to be in community with other Christians? Explain.

7. Do you enjoy obeying God? Explain.

8. Who are the primary influences in your life? Are those influences Godly?

9. Do you often find that it is more important that God agrees with you or that you agree with God?

10. Does your life show that you trust God and truly believe he is good?

III. Evaluate each other

  1. Are you sure the person you are thinking of marrying is a Christian instead of appearing to be a Christian? Explain.
  1. Provide specific examples of how he or she demonstrates the fruit of a regenerated heart. If you’re not sure, be honest.
  1. How does he or she demonstrate a genuine love for God and a desire to pursue holiness?

IV. Evaluate together

  1. Do the two of you discuss your faith? How? Are your lives in alignment with what you believe?

2.Are the two of you involved in Christian community? If not, what is your plan to address that?

3. Are the two of you active sexually? If so, how does this speak functionally about who you are following? If there is sexual sin, how will you address this?

4. Discuss together what kind of a disciple you are right now. Ask each other what kind

of disciple you desire to be. Discuss how you will get there.
Week Two: Covenant- What is love?

“What if God designed marriage to make us more holy than to make us happy?”

Gary Thomas

“So we see that there is a purpose in marriage that goes beyond personal fulfillment. Something of the selfless love, care and sacrifice that Jesus shows toward the Church is supposed to be evident in you as you relate to your wife. Something of the respect, submission and devotion that the Church shows toward Jesus is supposed to be evident in your wife as she relates to you. That’s the purpose for your marriage. That is why God has given her to you, and you to her.”

CJ Mahaney

“Love is an act of the will accompanied by emotion that leads to action on behalf of its object.”

Voddie Baucham

“It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“If a couple finds out before marriage how flimsy the basis of their love is, they are fortunate.”

Sylvanus Duvall

“If you make them out to be God, they will surely become the devil”.

Ernest Becker regarding the person you want to marry

“It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed”.

Moses-Deut 31:8

“We love because he first loved us”.

The Apostle John-I John 4:19

I. What is covenant love?

1. Marriage was and is designed by God