CONTEXT:
We’re Shifting the Proving Ground
We are naturally playful but we got some unplayful habits. Part of this group is to simply change our habits so they bring us to the playground.
Mudita – Joy in each other’s joy. It’s a good antidote for envy, which is a product of capitalism.
Improv – Everytime I type it into the computer the autospell correction turns it into improve. Our own autopilot does the same thing. It’s a habit because we are conditioned to look for our and other’s deficiencies.
What are we doing here on planet earth? Are we here to stay alive? impress others? Improve ourselves because we’re flawed and incomplete? We are always growing and evolving, but that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with us any more than it means there was something wrong with fish before they formed legs. Or stars before there were planets.Life is always evolving.
The choice to be safe. We look for circumstances to make us feel safe. But what if you were already safe. Notice what it is about your experience that actually feels safe. We look for evidence of threat. And wouldn’t you know, we find it. Let’s practice looking for evidence of safety!
What is really unsafe is the radio station we hear incessantly called WBNE, Wrong, Bad and Never Enough. I want to thank my friend Michelle Simonson for that. Basically, we’re always listening to a stream of commentary evaluating how we’re doing. Are we measuring up? Are we doing it right? In control?Worth of love? That radio station was brought to you by the Proving Ground.
The point isn’t to finally get it right and become the person you think will finally get the love, connection, fill in the blank, that you want. There’s no freedom in that because you never arrive. The station is always playing. The point is to learn how to change the station to WYES!
We are naturally playful! We’re wired to play throughout our lives because we develop really slowly. Neoteny. Childhood traits extend throughout adulthood.
So why don’t we play? Because animals don’t play when they’re stressed
So why are we so stressed? Because we’ve turned the playground, which is our natural habitat and the only environment in which we flourish into a proving ground where we feel we have to perpetually prove ourselves to earn love and security and a battleground where we have to protect and defend ourselves from threat.
Story: “Everybody is lonely” My mother’s book called When you’re 18, which of course I read when I was 15. It was a kind of Victorian story about a young lady who goes to a ball and feels terribly awkward, self-conscious and shy. Who among you can relate to ever feeling that way when you were a teenager? So she shuffles through the crowds trying to smile sweetly and finds a quiet corner where she sits while whisps of music play in the background. An older gentleman sees her, comes over and tells her two words that immediately dissolve all her self doubt and awkwardness. Don’t you want to know what those words were? Oh, I’m tempted to keep you in suspense…Klunker, is there anything we need to do? Okay, the words were “everybody is lonely.”
We’ve all met people who seem to be in on some kind of cosmic joke. There’s a glimmer in their eye and fundamental sense of ease and joy they exude. I was just swimming with Ram Das the guy who wrote Be Here Now in the 60’s. He had a stroke and barely talks, but boy does he beam and sparkle. We went out in the water and he started belting out “Oh Boy Oh Boy Oh Boy Oh Boy” And we all sang along. Then “Oh joy Oh joy Oh joy Oh joy.” He was totally in on the cosmic joke. What is that joke? That we ARE each other. Everybody is lonely and slightly unsafe until we realize that fundamental truth.
Why are we so stressed? Because we’re disconnected from ourselves, each other, the natural world, our sense of larger meaning and purpose
How do we get Safe?
What keeps us from feeling safe? The feeling that I can’t handle what’s happening. I might feel attacked, won’t get my needs met, things won’t go my way.
Mindfulness – bringing awareness to your experience without reacting – welcome everything. Ultimate safety.
Kindfulness – loving kindness, bringing warmth to your experience
Playfulness – unleashing the joy
Start with gratitude! You don’t have to like or approve of the situation to be grateful. The capacity is there independent of the circumstances we’re in. Gratitude is revolutionary. It releases us from the grip of the institutions that are designed to keep us dissatisfied. The transmission Tower for WBNE constantly telling us we’re insufficient, needful, not enough. Gratitude lets us receive the nourishment that’s pouring toward us.
At the same time that we’re told we’re insufficient, our culture tells us to be happy, cheer up. We put little smiley faces all over everything. We’re supposed to trust the people in power. So feeling grief or doubt or sadness is just another case for our insufficiency. We pathologize our feelings and repress our pain instead of confronting it.
Why are spiritually mature people like Ram Das so playful? Because our true nature is naturally playful. We don’t have to fake it.
Bringing the proving ground to the Play group. How many of you might be thinking